The Dead Shall Walk
by Dovahkiir2015
Summary: She was in the city when the dead started walking. She saw her mum die. She doesn't know where her dad is. She has to look after her kid brother, and there is no one else she knows. Then she meets Rick and his small community of survivors, and if things couldn't get turned more upside down, this threat is closer to home than she would like.
1. The World Beyond

**Author's note: First Walking Dead fanfic, hope you enjoy. :)**

* * *

She sat in a rocking chair, her young daughter on her lap, singing. She was singing in an attempt to stop her daughter from being too afraid, but how was that supposed to work? There were walkers all around the building, cities weren't the safest places to be, and she knew that at any moment they could break through the door. She looked down into the scared face of her daughter, about 10 years old, and smiled.

"It's ok, we're going to be fine." She said, kissing the girl on top of her head. She stood up, the girl sliding off her lap and walking beside her mother as they went down the steps into the basement where a younger boy was asleep in a pile of old bedsheets on the cold, cement floor.

"Mum, why are they here? What made them?" The girl asked, more curiosity than fear in her jade green eyes. There was still fear, but for this girl, knowledge was far more important than fear. Her mother shook her head.

"I wish I could say. Stay here, I just have to lock the door. I'll be right back."

"Promise?" Her daughter looked at her, a strand of her strawberry blonde hair falling in her face.

"Promise." She smiled, tucking the strand behind her daughter's ear, standing up and crossing over to the door, her own dark brown hair falling in waves down her back. Her daughter took a step forward as she reached the top of the steps. A scream pierced the air as her arm was grabbed, pulling her through the door, a bloody mouth clenching her arm.

"Mum!" Her daughter started running towards her, her son waking up in alarm.

"No! Alex, stay back!" Her voice was filled with fear, but still held a commanding note. She must protect her children. Alex stopped, fear in her eyes as the door shut behind her mum and she heard the outside lock slam shut. Behind her, her brother was crying. She just stood in stunned silence, staring at the door where her mum had been only seconds before.

* * *

"Eric, come on!" I hissed. What was it about this boy that made him insist on dilly dallying?

"Just one more minute!" He called back, not seeming to care how much noise he made. I mimed cutting my throat, telling him to be quiet. I didn't think he really understood that even though walkers were dead, they could still hear, they could still find you. It was like their super power. Despite being dead, they were still... alive. I ducked into the store where Eric was eyeing up a Legend of Zelda game, not that he could play it. He still loved it, despite the fact that we had been unable to play any kind of video game for years.

"We have to go now. We have enough food for a while, so come on." I hauled on his arm, pulling him away.

"But –"

"No buts! Walkers will be crawling all over us, feasting on our innards in a minute if you don't shut up and hurry up!" Eric glared up at me, his blue eyes fierce. He always did have the shorter temper of us. He muttered something about annoying older sisters always ruining people's fun and put the game back on the shelf, as though replacing some sort of ancient religious relic, and followed me through the gap in the wall. We climbed to the top of a roof and started slowly making their way back to their home over the roof tops. I had found this the most safe and reliable way of moving around, despite the fact that other living people could see us and follow our movements, possibly even track us back home, which wouldn't be too good. I always did prefer the idea of dealing with a living human to a dead human. You can try to reason with the living, not so much with the undead. We slipped down again and crept into the basement, locking it behind us. I took my time about this task, sliding the bolt across and then slowly putting in place boxes and other objects to assist in the barricading.

"Alex, we have a problem." Eric called out.

"What is it?" I asked, heading down the stairs and looking around at the mess. I swallowed. Evidently our luck had run out. Someone knew we were there, and that meant we were in trouble. I took a deep breath, trying to steady my breathing. I couldn't panic. Inducing an asthma attack would help no one, especially since my inhaler was running out. I looked at Eric and frowned, thinking. He folded his arms and rolled his eyes.

"Why is it that whenever you're thinking really hard you look at me as though you're disappointed?"

"Huh?" I looked surprised as Eric nodded his head solemnly.

"You do."

"I don't mean to... subconscious I guess," I shrugged and grabbed the two teddy bears from their place in the corner where I slept, "We have to go." I said, shoving them in my pack along with the food Eric and I had collected.

"But not without Lancelot and Percival, huh?" Eric teased. I rolled my eyes.

"There's is method to my madness." Was all I said as explanation.

"Naturally. Now do you get that from Mum or Dad?" I stopped. I knew that Eric hardly remembered their parents, he'd been only four when our mum had been killed and I didn't even know where Dad was, nor what had happened to him. For all I knew he was still alive, but hadn't managed to get back to his home. Either that or he might have not have been bothered returning home. Or he could have returned, found his wife's dead body, all torn and bloody, what few morsels of her flesh that were left hanging out her carcass. It made me feel sick just thinking about it. I shook my head, not answering Eric's question. I knew it wasn't right of me to keep knowledge of our parents from Eric, but I couldn't face telling him.

"We need to get moving."

"You didn't answer my question." Eric glowered and I shook her head.

"Didn't you hear me? I said we need to get moving. Each moment we waste standing here talking is another moment we're in danger. The city isn't a safe place to be, I knew this, but I stayed here because you were too young to move around. Now we need to get out. You're big enough to travel, and who knows when the person who raided us will be back."

"If they'll be back." Eric retorted. I sighed.

"If you found somewhere where it was obvious survivors had been recently, wouldn't you come back and look to see if they had come back, leaving food or something behind them? And even if they were in the place you were raiding, if you had a weapon, wouldn't you kill them? I'm not going to lose you too, Eric." I said, holding out my hand to him. He paused for a moment, then took it.

"You will tell me about Mum and Dad someday, won't you?" He asked. I nodded.

"If nothing happens to us, of course I will." I said.

 _Never make a promise you cannot keep._

There were some things my dad taught me, despite vanishing so long ago.

* * *

"How far do we have to walk?" Eric muttered as we slogged our way through seemingly endless mud in a forest. I looked up at the leaves above them, thinking.

' _At least something is still living. Or at least seems to be.'_

"I don't know. We walk for as long as we have to. Until we find water. Water is our first problem. Then food and shelter."

"And how long will that take?" Eric muttered, "Do you even know where we're going?"

"No, I don't. And if you're so smart, why don't you lead the way?" I snapped, whirling round to glare down at him. He looked shocked for a second, but he regained composure like a stress ball regained its shape. It was one of the qualities that I admired most about him. He didn't say anything and didn't move, so I turned around and started walking again, ever vigilant for the tell tale groans of a walker. I heard Eric following me, his feet dragging slightly, and my thoughts began to wander again. What would the world be like if the walkers had never arrived? What exactly caused the virus or whatever in the first place? It was almost like a game was being played and someone was purposefully trying to wipe all humans from the face of the earth, only a few surviving, clinging on to what little life was left in the world. Maybe someday they would manage to wipe out all the dead from the world, maybe someday humanity would learn to get along again. Surely there were still some livestock or whatever out there somewhere, in the places where humanity never reached before the end of the world began. Maybe I should try to take Eric to those places, I was sure I had learned about some before the dead started to rise, before Mum died. Some religions actually believed that God would raise the dead. Perhaps this is what was meant? Not the dead rising and going to heaven, but the dead rising and once again walking on the earth, not lying beneath its soil. I looked down at Eric as he tugged on my jacket (well, Mum's jacket before she had died). He pointed into the trees at a group of walkers. I swallowed. I had never done too well when it came to seeing the dead. I had a bad memory of being dropped in my grandfather's coffin by Dad when I was about six. The dead didn't feel all that nice. I hesitantly stepped in front of Eric.

"In my bag. Grab Lancelot and Percival."

"I don't need a teddy bear to hug." Eric said, trying to put on a brave voice, but I could still hear his fear. I took a deep, shaky breath.

"Please, Eric." I dropped the bag on the ground next to him and grabbed a branch off the ground. I had no idea what I was doing and I could feel the panic start to rise and my lungs beginning to struggle, air sticking in my throat. The walkers were starting to move towards us and I adjusted my grip on the branch. I had never actually killed a walker, if kill was the right word. They were already dead. How can you kill something dead?

"Now what to I do?" Eric asked.

"Take the head off." I strained to make my voice sound normal, as though I wasn't having a hard time breathing. Eric stopped.

"Where's your inhaler?" He asked. I wanted to look around, but I didn't. If I took my eyes off the walkers then we would be in trouble. Memories of Mum's death flashed before my eyes and I swallowed.

"Just take the heads off the bears, Eric." A pause, the quiet sound of thin stitches ripping.

"You keep a gun in Lancelot and a knife in Percival?"

"Needed some kind of protection, didn't we? I thought it would be a good place to hide them."

"Where did you even get a gun?!"

"Dad was in the army," I blinked, quietly calculating how far away the walkers were, then spun around, dropping the branch, "Pass them here, quick."

"Do you know how to shoot that thing?" Eric asked, doubt and fear on his face as he handed the weapons over. I shrugged, trying to force the air into my lungs. It wasn't working too well.

"This is a great time to learn, isn't it?" I asked, looking back at the walkers and fumbling to put bullets in the gun. I held it up at, pointing it at the walkers, and shot, missing the first few, getting them in the body, but failing to hit the head. By the time I did get one in the head, I was having problems holding my arms still enough to aim properly, my chest heaving with each strangled breath.

"You need to use your inhaler!" Eric urged from behind me. I shook my head, not even bothering to try and force words out anymore. He tugged my coat again and I could tell he was upset, but I kept firing.

 _I'm not going to lose you too, Eric._

I collapsed, suddenly finding it hard to see straight and Eric looked into my face, worry in his eyes.

"Where's you inhaler?" He asked, but I couldn't reply. He looked around in panic at the advancing walkers and reached down, taking the gun from my hand, aiming it and firing. He was only ten, but he was already acting far older than I did at that age, was already a better marksman, and he had never fired a gun either. At times it felt like it was him looking after me, and not the other way around. The gun started to make useless clicking noises, showing that it was out of bullets, and the walkers kept coming. Eric looked down at me as I forced myself into a sitting position to try and improve my breathing. I had lost track of how many days it had been since we left the city, but now it was all seeming like a waste of time. We were going to die out here, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I could hardly breathe, all I could think about was trying to stand up so I could deal with the walkers, I had to save my brother. But I couldn't. I was powerless, and it drove me insane. Damn my asthma to oblivion. I looked around in fear as the sound of gun shots rang through the air and the walkers began to fall one by one.


	2. Rick's Crew

"Can't you see that we're in no kind of position where we could be a threat?" Eric said as we were forced to our feet, held at gun and knife point.

"Do you have any other weapons?" A man asked, taking the knife and gun off us. Eric shook his head.

"No. But she needs help. Please, she needs help." He said quietly. I looked at the man with my jade green eyes, not too sure about trusting this man. I tried to move over to Eric, still having difficulty breathing, but being held back by another man who looked slightly older.

"What's your name?" The first man asked, motioning his gun at me. I struggled to take a breath before answering.

"Alexandra Jameson. Alex for short." There was no point in keeping my name a secret. The more I cooperated, the less likely it was that we were going to be killed.

"You got an inhaler?"

"Somewhere in the bag." I wheezed, starting a coughing fit. The man dug into the bag, holding up a can of food to the others in his group, a total of five, then dived in again to find my inhaler, handing it over to me. I nodded in thanks and used it, looking at Eric's worried expression.

"I'll be fine." I said, plastering a smile on my face.

"What are you doing out here?" The man asked. I nodded for Eric to answer.

"We came from the city. Someone found where we were and Alex decided it was time to move."

"That where you got this food from?" He asked, holding up the canned food. Eric nodded.

"We only took what we needed for a week or two."

"Where are you headed?" The man asked, seeming to relax slightly.

"We don't know. Last time I left the city I was nine, and Eric was about three, so he wouldn't remember it," I said, "And we both know that things have changed a lot since then." The man looked around at his companions, seeming to be silently asking them something. I frowned before trying to shrug off the man holding my arms behind my back, failing miserably. Eric moved forwards but the boss man pointed his gun at him.

"Don't." He said.

"Don't threaten him. He's just a kid." I snapped, annoyed. How dare this man threaten my brother?

"These days, anyone can be a threat. And the way he was shooting, he looked to be more of a threat than you." It was harsh, but I knew it was true. I scowled and grabbed the arm of the man behind me, inserting my fingernails into his flesh and twisting as I did. He yelped in surprise, swearing roughly and let me go, giving me the opportunity to grab a knife from him. Not my knife, it felt weird to hold, but it would do.

 _Don't bring a knife to a gun fight, but if you do, strike fast._

"Don't... harm... my... brother." I hissed. The strangers looked at me in mild surprise. I knew more than they had originally thought. I knew more than I had thought.

"What's a knife going to do if I decide to pull the trigger?"

"It'll at least give you a couple of scars to remember us by."

"You got guts girl." The man I scratched grunted, blood trickling down his arm. I felt slightly guilty, but I wasn't about to let it get to me now. Was he approving of me, or making fun of me? I couldn't tell, I hadn't seen other people since I was a kid. Eric had been the only person I had since the walker outbreak.

"Who are you?" I asked, stepping over to Eric and placing myself in front of him protectively.

"I'm Rick Grimes, and the guy who you clawed is Daryl. That's Glenn, Michonne, and Maggie. Now lower the knife so we can talk like civilized people."

"You should have offered that possibility to begin with, instead of pointing a gun at my brother." Maggie stepped forward.

"Look, if it weren't for us, you'd be dead. Just put the knife down and we can talk this through. We can kill you just as easily as we killed those walkers."

"Then why haven't you? Why don't you kill us and make things easier for you?"

"Because we don't want to." Glenn said. I was shaking.

"Alex, please just put the knife down." Eric whispered behind me. He was scared. It was in his voice, and it nagged at me. I slowly lowered the knife and handed it back to the man that had been holding me back – Daryl.

"Sorry about the nails." I said. He grunted.

"Why were you in a city for so long?" Rick asked as he lowered his gun. I shrugged.

"I was born there. It's my home. Our mum died there, Eric was too young to travel, I was hardly old enough to travel with a four year old kid. I was only ten at the time."

"How'd your mum die?" Maggie asked. I looked at her and shook my head ever so slightly. This wasn't something I wanted Eric to know. Not yet. Sure, he had been there, but he showed no signs of remembering what happened. Sometimes I wished I could forget it all. Unfortunately I was old enough to remember what happened, and her screams still haunted me.

"She doesn't talk about it." Eric said, slightly accusingly. I frowned. He wouldn't understand.

"You got any plans?" Michonne asked. I looked at her, confused. It felt like I was being interrogated. What damage could I do? I was a 16 year old city slicker with no experience in the outside world whatsoever.

"Our only plan was to get out of the city. Like I said, someone found where we were staying, it wasn't safe anymore."

"How have you managed to survive this long?" Daryl asked. I doubted he approved of me, useless as I was. I hoped that I had scarred him.

"The food in the bag. Not as much as we had, but when we left the city we'd just been raiding an old warehouse type thing. There was a bit of food there, a bit of water. We took what we could. It was about all we could carry."

"Where'd you get the gun?"

"Isn't it our turn to ask a few questions?" I snapped, instantly regretting it.

 _The more you cooperate, the less likely you are to be killed._

Surprisingly, Rick laughed. I blinked a couple of times, completely taken off guard. It didn't seem too hard to be taken off guard. I was wishing that I knew about people more, but evidently all my people skills had gone out the window six years ago.

* * *

I looked around the little community that had formed in this place. Alexandria. Like the places Alexander the Great had named after himself in Persia. I knew it was quite possible that I would start to get confused when anyone mentioned Alexandria. The name was so similar to my own. Reasons to have my name abbreviated to Alex, not just because I preferred it, but also to avoid confusion. Eric stuck to my side like glue. He had never really seen this many people, unlike me. Though admittedly, I was having trouble with coming to terms with all these people too.

"How are there so many people still alive?" Eric asked. I smiled.

"It's what people do, kid. They survive for as long as they can." I squeezed his hand lightly. Perhaps there would be kids around his age here? Perhaps he could somehow pretend that life was normal. Though I supposed that the threat of being eaten alive by people who used to be your friends but are now terrifying, undead monsters was the new normal. Didn't stop me wishing that he could have the kind of childhood he deserved, the one that I got a taste of.

"Introduce yourself while you get to know the place. We've got so many people here that there is no point introducing you to everyone, it would take too long." Rick said, as though he were some kind of tourist guide or something.

"No kidding," I muttered, "You invited Eric and me. Where will we be staying?"

"Pick an empty house and make yourself at home. We've been through a bit of trouble recently and near the wall there are a couple of empty houses. You might end up sharing at some point."

"That's fine. All that matters is we've actually got a home. When do we get our weapons back?" I asked. Rick turned to face me, a mildly taunting look in his eye.

"I thought you said all that mattered was actually having a home?"

"Having a home means having the ability to protect it."

"An ability you don't have." Daryl grunted. Was it possible for that guy to talk normally? To sound, oh, I don't know... nice? Was 'nice' even in his vocabulary list? Obviously Rick agreed with him, looking down at Eric. If Dad was still around, I knew that Eric would be his pride and joy. Evidently he got most of the talent. I scowled.

"Then teach me." Silence. Confused looks on their faces. I shrugged, letting go of Eric's hand. He looked up at me, frowning, confused. He knew that my asthma would cause all kinds of problems when it came to fighting, to learning to fight, to standing in front of a horde of walkers, especially because fear set of my asthma worse than anything else it seemed.

"What?" Rick asked after a moment. He knew these things. He didn't want someone weak learning to fight. They didn't need more fighters. Self defence fighting, fine, but learning to fight out there, against walkers, people... he would only want the best. And I knew it.

"Teach me to fight." They must have thought it would be funny to watch, because Daryl shrugged and Rick nodded.

"You better stick with it, though. I'm not wasting my time on a quitter."

"I won't quit. My dad was in the army. He'd never have let me quit."

"You're not your dad." Rick said. I scowled.

"Obviously. I'm a girl. But I'm as stubborn as he was." Eric was looking at me in surprise. This was the most he had ever heard about either of his parents at any one time. And I was telling it to a complete stranger. I could tell that he was going to give me hell about it later. One of the perks of having no one else around to talk to is that you end up getting to know each other far too well. Rick nodded.

"Come find me when you're ready. I'll teach the kid too, if you want."

"Please!" Eric said, excited. I nodded. There was no point in saying no. It made sense at any rate, he had a lot more talent than me. I watched as most of our entourage moved away to return to their own business, but for a moment Daryl stayed behind. I turned to him, eyebrow raised, arms crossed. This was one guy who I had the feeling I needed an attitude to deal with.

"Do you want something?" I asked.

"What was your dad's name?" He asked. I shrugged.

"I can't remember. He ditched us to go to a war zone. What does it matter at any rate? He's probably dead." Daryl grunted and walked of. I looked down at Eric and shrugged, frowning at him in mild amusement and confusion. He just raised his eyebrow at me.

"What?"

"You do remember Dad's name, don't you? You can lie to those who don't know you, but not to me."

"Heh... right, kid." I said, scuffling up his already messy hair. He struggled to get away from me as I scooped him up in a playful bear hug.

"Stop it!" He growled, pulling a disgusted face at me. I just laughed as I released him. He didn't look too pleased, brushing down his hair, pulling out a couple of sticks.

"You need a haircut." I looked at him thoughtfully, contemplating how long his hair had gotten since the last time I cut his hair. It was already touching his shoulders slightly.

"So do you!" He quipped. I smiled, running a hand through my own scruffy hair. Our family consisted entirely of scruffy haired folk, even before it was just Eric and me left. I preferred my hair to be short, at longest a little below mid neck, but currently it was tied up in a ponytail and if it was loose it would reach mid shoulder blades. Last time we were cutting hair the scissors broke and we hadn't been able to find replacements. Fortunately I had been able to finish cutting Eric's hair with a knife, though it was a very delicate process and I was unwilling to let him cut my hair with the knife and even more unwilling to cut my own hair with the knife. I didn't want to slit my throat. I sighed and looked around.

"You know, no one actually showed us where the empty houses are," I looked down at Eric, "They only said that there were a couple of empty houses by the wall. Any guesses?" He turned around and thought for a moment, then ran off after Rick. I snorted slightly. Of course the kid thought to ask Rick. Was it just me, or was Rick the boss guy of this... civilisation? Nah, that word sounded to big. Community. That'd do. He pointed in the general direction of where I presumed the empty houses were and Eric nodded, hopefully remembering his manners and thanking Rick before returning to me.

"You coming?"

"Aye aye sir."

"Shut up." He mumbled. I mock saluted, grinning.

"Sir, yes sir!" Perhaps being around people was more relaxing for me than I originally thought? I was acting more relaxed. Or perhaps that was just a charade to hide what I was truly feeling. I believed the second possibility to be the more accurate scenario. People were hard creatures to understand.

 _Never drop your guard. Drop your guard, drop down dead._

Dad truly was a smart guy, teaching such... well, at the time, disconcerting things to a young kid. Well done Jedidiah. Very well done.

* * *

 **Author's note/warning: Start of next chapter there is a bit of a spoiler if you haven'the seen season 6, episode 15. If you don't want a spoiler, don't read the author's note. :)**


	3. Lessons

**Athor's note: OK, so, I watched the latest episode of twd (East, was it called? I don't pay much attention. Episode 15 of season 6 anyway) and _if_ Maggie is going into labour or something like that, well. I had a horrible thought.**

 **What happens if a baby dies while still in its mum's womb?**

 **And what is it about script writers that always makes it look like they're killing off favourite characters? It's annoying! Why do this? Reasons I love writing fanfiction. Pretty much anything goes. Anyway, hope you enjoy the chapter and hope that my nasty thoughts are completely false.**

* * *

I sat on the bed that I had claimed in the our new home. It was strange to me. Back in the basement neither Eric nor I had a bed, we just slept on the floor or the arm chair we had down there, but I ended up finding it uncomfortable after a while. Not that the floor was very comfortable either. I looked up as Eric entered the room, now wearing clean(er) clothes, his hair slightly damp. Evidently he had treated himself to a wash. They had a working shower here? That would be amazing, even without hot water. I hardly remembered what hot water felt like on my skin, it had been so long. Occasionally Eric and I would escape upstairs back in the city and run a bath, but we only used cold water. Hot water would only waste our resources.

"You OK?" I asked him. He was frowning slightly.

"It feels strange. Being around people and being unsure whether to trust them or not."

"I'm pretty sure they feel the same way about us. Just don't do anything stupid and we'll be fine."

"But we don't know anyone."

"We've met Rick, Daryl, Glenn, Michonne, Maggie. So we do know people, even if it isn't very well."

"They were... kinda scary though. And seeing you that angry... I've never seen you quite like that." He looked at the floor, slightly embarrassed. I chuckled quietly.

"Yeah, didn't think I had it in me. Maybe Daryl at least will think twice before pissing me off."

"I'm being serious, Alex!"

"So am I," I stood up and placed my hands on Eric's shoulders, "We don't know them, that's true, but they've taken us in. They invited us. If they didn't think that there was a chance we were trust worthy, or a possible asset, they would have sent us on our way or killed us, or they would have taken us prisoners. At the very least they wouldn't have agreed to teach me and offered to teach you how to fight." I looked him in the eye and smiled in what I hoped was a reassuring way. He smiled back, nodding once.

"Right." He said. I pulled him into a hug, the way Mum used to when we were scared. I could understand his doubts. I was having the same ones. At least I managed to reassure Eric, even if it didn't work on me.

* * *

"How bad is your asthma?" Rick asked me when Eric and I found him, telling him we were ready for our lessons. I was excited, and I could feel Eric shaking slightly next to me. Evidently he was excited too, though shaking would make it harder for him to learn how to shoot straight.

"That was the worst attack I've had in a while."

"How often do you have an attack?"

"Once a month? Twice if unlucky, and usually they don't make me fall over. Use inhaler, it settles down in a minute or something like that. I hardly pay attention."

"Well, start paying attention. Having an asthma attack when fighting could cost you your life next time. Us finding you when those walkers were attacking you was just a matter of luck. You don't know what will happen next time." He turns to Eric and I frown. Was he just going to criticise me for my asthma? I couldn't help that I had asthma. Eric held Rick's gaze, bewildered. Rick was frowning slightly, thinking.

' _That must be hard for him.'_ I thought, though I reprimanded myself for it afterwards. Rick wasn't a bad man, he was just doing what was best for the group, looking out for them. Even if it meant being harder on us newbies, me for my asthma, Eric for how young he was, despite how he was a natural with a gun. Unlike me.

"How long have you been shooting?"

"That was my first time. I didn't even know we had a gun." Rick nodded at Eric's answer.

"Seems you're pretty good at it. You both are." I spluttered. Rick looked at me and frowned.

"Sorry." I said. I had expected him to say many things about my shooting, but saying that I was pretty good at it wasn't what I had expected. Eric looked at me in surprise, he hadn't expected me to splutter like that and he hadn't expected me to apologise for it. I smiled at him.

"I wasn't expecting anyone to compliment my shooting. Yours, yes. Mine, no. I managed to shoot hardly any walkers in the head. You, on the other hand, managed to get down most of the walkers you shot at."

"Yes, but you still show promise too. It might just have been the type of gun you had, it's possible it wasn't very comfortable for you." Rick explained. I frowned. He sounded like he was being... nice. It was weird. He had seemed very macho when he had first found us and even though he seemed reasonable enough, he was always seeming strangely distant and slightly cold.

"Um... OK? I know hardly anything about guns though."

"You're still pretty good with them. Same with hand to hand. You took Daryl by surprise, and that's surprising in itself. He's not the easiest guy to take by surprise. Play to your strengths where you can."

 _Play to your strengths._

That's what Dad used to say, but I never figured out what my strengths were. The way Rick was putting things, it seemed he believed that I was good at hand to hand and shooting. He looked back at Eric, folding his arms. I smiled. He seemed to be quite good with Eric.

"You know what your strengths are?"

"Shooting is one of them, obviously," Eric said, frowning ever so slightly, "And I'm pretty good at skateboarding."

"What? Where did you get a skateboard?" I looked at him in confusion and he looked a bit sheepish.

"When you were out looking for food I went out exploring. Found a skateboard in a shop."

"Where did you keep it?"

"In my pack."

"Oh, for crying out loud... only you would do something like that." I shook my head. At times Eric was the most hopeless person I knew. Well, considering he was the only person I knew for a while, he probably was the most hopeless person I knew. Rick looked rather amused and it annoyed me slightly. There was me, working my ass off for this kid, trying to keep him safe, and he buggered off behind my back to grab himself a skateboard! In a city! With God only knew how many walkers!

"Well, I don't really see how a skateboard will come in handy, but it's good to know you have a hobby." At that moment a baby started crying somewhere and I looked around.

"There's a baby here?"

"Yeah. That's probably my daughter. Judith."

"Cute." I said, smiling slightly as I looked around, trying to pinpoint the sound. Judith was lucky. She had a dad. I wondered where my dad was, if he was still alive. Was there a chance that he could be? Despite all the odds against him? He had been overseas when the outbreak happened, right in the middle of a war zone. The chances of his survival were slim to none. And yet I couldn't help but hope that he was still alive and well.

" – Alex. Eric, you go with Carl. He'll teach you how to shoot better." I looked around. Damn, I didn't pay enough attention. I watched as Eric walked off with a teenage boy with only one eye. I frowned and looked at him curiously, then turned to Rick and shrugged.

"Now what?"

"Follow me." Was all he said. I raised an eyebrow and followed him to an area away from everyone else, near the wall. He turned and looked me, hands on his hips. I ran my hand through my hair, getting it out of my face before deftly tying it up in a ponytail. Eric had his hair cut far more recently than I had, and his hair grew slower than mine anyway. It annoyed me to high heaven, I hated having long hair, but at least there were ways to get it out of my face.

"Which is your strong hand?" Rick asked me as I lowered my arms to my side. I frowned.

"Left. I think."

"You think?"

"Pretty sure. I use both my hands equally often."

"That's good. If you use both your hands about as often as each other, you have an advantage. Make sure you use it. You ready?"

"For what?" I asked, confused, the frown on my face deepening.

"This." Rick took a swing at me and I dodged back.

"Woah! Aren't you going to teach me something first?!" I asked. Rick laughed and shook his head. I didn't know why he was laughing. It felt like the wrong time to be laughing.

"I need to see what you know first. Attack me."

"What?!" He didn't answer, just took another swing at me. Again I dodged, swinging around behind him to kick his feet out from under him. He dodged, moving to grab my leg but I swung out of the way. I had no clue what was going on. I stopped and shook my head.

"What the hell am I doing?"

"Keep your guard up." Rick punched me in the stomach and I doubled over, receiving a fist in the face and falling on the ground. I spat out blood and glared at Rick. He shook his head and walked around in front of me a bit.

"You were doing fine until you let your doubt get to you. Your body knows what it's doing, your mind doesn't. Watch for openings, learn to read your opponent."

"No, really? I would never have come up with that solution for myself!" I wiped my mouth on my sleeve, thankful I'd left Mum's coat in the house Eric and I had claimed as our own. It would be getting blood on it right now if I hadn't. I sat up and glared at Rick. I didn't really approve of his teaching style. Did he teach everyone in this way? He held his hand down to help me up and I took it, deciding when I was halfway up that I'd take advantage of the situation. I hauled him down to the ground next to me, then leapt away, smiling.

"Keep your guard up." I taunted. He laughed.

"Fair enough." He said, standing up again, getting back into a position to attack me. I felt my face change to a look of utter horror.

"You're still not going to teach me anything? Like how to block?"

"You'll learn in your own time. Now, attack me." I sighed and got into a better position, one where I was better balanced and my face better protected. I imagined that if Dad had returned from whichever country he had been deployed to during the outbreak, he'd be the one teaching me these things. I wondered what his teaching style would have been. I leapt back slightly as Rick took a swing at me, reaching out to grab his wrist and pushed him past me. It took me by surprise when I managed, meaning I lost the advantage when I paused, leaving me open for another attack. Rick spun around and grabbed my shoulders, pulling me down to meet his knee. I just managed to get my hands up to protect my face, leaning forward slightly to head but him in his gut. I shook my head in an attempt to see things straight again. Evidently I hadn't protected my head as well as I would have liked. Next thing I knew I was on the ground again. I put my hands up to show I was done and shook my head, still seeing stars. Rick helped me into a sitting position and handed me a bottle of water.

"Thanks." I muttered.

"You did good. I'd hate to see what you can do with a knife." I smiled slightly and took another swig of water.


	4. The Reeves

**Author's note: New month, figured may a as well post a new chapter. Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

 _She paced around the basement, annoyed, frustrated. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get the door to open. She was too weak, and she was starting to get hungry. They had rationed what little food they had to begin with, but they were only children. Alex looked down at her sleeping brother, worry in her eyes. He wasn't doing too great, but she was only ten. How was she supposed to look after him? If only... no. If she started thinking about that then she wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything else. She bit her lower lip in an attempt to hold back the tears and headed back to the door. There had to be a way to open it. She had unlocked it from the inside. After her mum had locked them in she had gone and locked them in from the inside too. Unfortunately, the dead weren't as dumb as they seemed. She gently pushed against the door, turning the handle as she did._

 _"Come on..." She whispered, willing the door to open. But it wouldn't. They were just as stuck as they had been the day before, and the day before that, and the day before that. She turned her back on the door and slid to the ground, hopelessness overwhelming her. They were going to die in here. She supposed starvation wasn't the worst way to die, she'd rather die of starvation than being torn to shreds by one of those dead things. She closed her eyes, feeling moisture leak out her eyes onto her cheek. She didn't want to die. She had to look after Eric. It was the only thing keeping her going. There was the sound of movement outside the door, someone grunting and shifting things. Alex took in a sharp breath. Was there a person out there? A living person out there?! She jumped up and pressed her ear to the door, hearing someone cursing outside. She banged against the door loudly, waking Eric up._

 _"Hey! In here! Please, get us out!" She yelled. It hurt her throat, but she didn't care. Maybe it was her dad! He'd save them! He'd look after them, he'd make it all better. She kept banging on the door until her fists hurt, splinters breaking off and lodging themselves in her hands, her voice growing hoarse and tired. What hope she had gained slipped slowly away as time passed by and the tears started finding their way down her cheeks again._

 _"Please!" She sobbed. She could feel her brother's eyes boring into her back. She had to save him somehow. She didn't matter. It was all about Eric. She stepped back as the heard the latch being opened and light streamed into the basement. She looked away, the light hurting._

 _"You alright?" A young man asked. She nodded, shielding her eyes. She lowered her hand as her eyes grew accustomed to the alien sunlight and she looked at the man with his scruffy beard and his dark brown hair tied back in a shirt ponytail. It wasn't her dad. He dad had strawberry blond hair. He stepped in, shining a torch into the dark room and looking at Eric. He frowned._

 _"How long have you been down here?" He asked, concern in his voice, "We are your parents?" She couldn't stop herself. At the mention of her parents she started crying and wrapped her arms around the man's waist. He took a slight step backwards, then put one of his arms around her._

 _"It's OK. You're OK. I won't leave you here alone." He said._

 _"Thank you."_

* * *

I leaned against the wall. Grimesy (as I had taken to calling Rick, much to his annoyance) and his crew of merry men were making plans for a trip. I had wanted to go, but since they were still unsure about me, my fighting capabilities under pressure, and presumably how bad my asthma was, I had been forbidden.

"Maybe next time." Grimesy had said, and behind him Daryl had smirked slightly. At times it felt like that guy hated me, at other times it seemed more like he was looking out for me. I had hated him in that moment. I just wanted a chance to prove myself, and there were those two buffoons, blocking me each way I turned, trying to find a way into their nice cosy little family. Carl was standing beside me. He was cool, one of the few people here who had reached out a hand when Eric and I had come here maybe a month or two ago. I never bothered keeping track of time. I had completely lost track of it when Eric and I had been locked in the basement as kids.

"They'll give you a chance eventually." Carl said. I shrugged.

"I think that quite frankly they see me as too much of a liability. You can never really tell when I'm going to have an asthma attack and physical work sets it off a lot of the time. So when under threat from walkers or other people, chances are I'd have an asthma attack and be a massive liability. I've already had to stop practices once or twice because of asthma attacks." I said, pointing my head more in Carl's direction, but not taking my eyes off the group. Michonne was frowning slightly in concentration. She looked bad ass with her sword. I liked her sword. It had good balance. She had let me have a go with it once or twice and I had honestly fallen in love with it. But I still preferred Daryl crossbow. Sure, it was heavy, but it felt more natural for me to use than a gun of any description. Pitty I couldn't just steal it from him. Eventually I would hopefully get my own bow of some description, even if it meant going back to the city on my own.

"They're just looking out for you."

"I looked out for Eric and me for several years, in the middle of the city. I can look after myself."

"You don't sound too sure about that." I looked at Carl and frowned. I knew I hadn't sounded too sure. I wasn't very sure. But I wanted to be.

"I'm not used to having other people looking out for me, for Eric. The last person who did that ended up being chomped by a walker and ended up asking me to kill him. The person before that ended up..." I stopped. I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I looked back to the gang and pushed myself away from the wall as they started moving. Rick stopped in front of Carl and me, hands on hips. He really did act like a sheriff. Carl had told me about his old job and as soon as it had been pointed out to me I could see it.

"You two look after yourselves. We should be back soon."

"How soon?" I asked. Carl had just nodded, accepting it, but I wanted details. I felt like something was going to happen. Like I had before the break out, like I had before Mum had died. Back when I was innocent. Back when I thought a promise would ensure survival. Back when I was stupid. Rick looked at me and shrugged.

"Don't know exactly how far we have to go to find food." I frowned and looked at my feet. I didn't like this. I didn't like it at all. I looked up when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Rick was looking at me with sincerity in his eyes.

"We will come back. All of us." He said.

"You can't promise that," I said, my eyes cold and unforgiving, "Just be careful." I wanted to give him a hug, but I didn't. He was one of the few people I actually trusted, along with the rest of the group who had saved Eric and me in the forest. And he was the only thing keeping Carl from becoming like me. An orphan. Sure, there were no guarantees that my dad was dead, but I counted him as dead. He hadn't been there for me. I had never had his help looking after Eric. Rick nodded and walked out the door, everyone following him out. From the porch I could see Eric and Glenn playing some sort of game. I smiled. It was good to see Eric actually acting his age, instead of mine. I could also seen the Reeves twins, a couple of kids a bit older than Eric. Troublemakers, the both of them. Their older brother and sister weren't a hell of a lot better and their parents seemed to be the worst. None of them seemed to like me or Eric, seemed to think it was alright to boss us around, just because they were in Alexandria before us. I found this funny. They had only arrived a couple of weeks before us according to others around this little corner of paradise. There was only one thing keeping them in check, and he was about to leave. Well, maybe two, but half the time one of them couldn't care less. Either way, both old Grimesy and Daryl were leaving, which meant that Eric and I were probably in deep trouble, though somehow I doubted Eric realised it.

 _Know those around you. Know who is your friend, and who is your enemy._

I knew all too well that the Reeves were my enemy, and I was theirs.

It was later that day when Macy and Trent, the older two children of the Reeves, made their way over to me. I was working a small area of land, turning over soil, readying it as much as I could for planting. It was a hot day, the sun bearing down on us, as though we were ants under a magnifying glass. I wondered what people would do if a fire started. It wasn't like we weren't short on supplies or anything. I wiped my forehead on my arm and watched Macy and Trent out the corner of my eye. They leaned against the wall of a nearby building and shared nasty looks and I knew they were planning something. I stood up straight and looked at them, hands tightening slightly on the shovel in my hand. I tried hard not to glare at them, shielding my eyes from the sun with my hand. Macy was smiling slightly.

"You want something?" I asked, trying to keep my tone pleasant. Macy thought for a moment, then shook her head. I got the impression that if the dead had never risen she'd have been Miss Popular, head cheerleader, everyone's favourite, quite possibly teacher's pet. Unfortunately, she wasn't as stupid as I would have liked. She was quite cunning, and very pretty. She had golden curls that framed her face perfectly, dark blue eyes, dimples, and a few freckles that dotted her nose. She was honestly a picture book princess. I loathed her for it. I wouldn't even have succeeded in being the story book witch. I doubted I would hardly have made it to being one of the farm hands' daughters.

"No, we were just watching you, thinking about how you could improve your technique."

"My technique?"

"It's obvious that you haven't used a shovel very often. You seem to struggle more and your breathing is far more laboured than what you would expect." Trent smirked at me. He was as bad as Macy. He would have been the boy in school that every girl was falling over, the head of the football team, the lazy guy who never did anything in class and yet always seemed to get good grades. He and Macy had the same dark blue eyes and golden hair, but Trent's hair was cut short and was only vaguely wavy. He was strong, very strong, not someone you would like to come up against in a fight. I scowled. Both of them knew I had asthma. It annoyed me that they were bringing it up now, considering that for once I wasn't actually having more difficulty breathing. My body was getting used to this work, I was growing stronger.

"Yeah, thanks for letting me know. I'll keep that in mind." I rolled my eyes and went back to work, hoping they'd get the hint and go away. But since when did these two leave without doing something really nasty?

"Think we should tell her?" Macy asked her younger brother (only younger by about a year).

"Nah, I think she'll realise it eventually."

"She hasn't yet. What kind of older sister doesn't realise it?"

"One that doesn't have any parents, perhaps? But who can blame her parents? Who wants a defective, useless child?" I whirled around, whacking Trent in the face with my shovel. Macy looked at me with loathing, one arm around her brother's now hunched form, venom in her gaze. I stuck my chin out defiantly. When I had still been in the city I would never have done something like this. I liked the change.

"How dare you?! I hope some walkers _do_ find your brother. I hope he gets eaten alive." Macy spat. I froze, my blood running cold.

"What did you just say?" Macy just laughed at me and I stepped forward, dropping the shovel and grabbing her by her putrid pink shirt, almost barbie pink with sequins on it. Something I would probably have worn when I was about five. I shoved her up against the wall, hard, and put my arm across her throat.

"Where is Eric?" I forced out through clenched teeth. Macy was breathing more heavily, fear in her eyes. I hated these people. They could talk big, but they were always the first people to run at the first sign of danger. I applied more pressure over her throat and she squeaked with fear. I felt someone pulling me back away from her and spun around to face Trent, his face bloody and previously handsome nose crooked. I smirked, trying to hide my disgust and self loathing. I'd broken someone's nose? That wasn't good. And now it was a case of two against one. I stepped back slightly so I could see both Macy and Trent and stood so I was better balanced. I still couldn't beat Rick in hand to hand combat, how was I supposed to take on two people at once? I stepped back as Trent took a swing at me. It seemed like my pattern. Let the opponent make the first move. I needed to get out of that habit. I managed to sidestep a lower blow from Macy, ducking under Trent's arm at the same time and stepping forward to ram him in the gut, sending him sprawling backwards in a coughing fit. Evidently I had winded him. I felt Macy jump on my back and put her arm around my throat, felt her pull back her arm, felt the air getting caught in my throat. I couldn't breathe. I walked backwards and rammed her hard against the wall of the building, making her let go. I spun around and kicked her, then felt my hair being yanked and felt myself falling backwards. I put my arms up to protect my face as I felt blow after blow land on me.

"Hey! That's enough!" Someone said and I felt Trent being pulled off me. I dared to have a look, seeing Carl and a couple of other people around. Morgan was holding Trent back and Maggie was preventing Macy from having a go at me. Carl held out a hand to help me up and I took it.

"You alright?"

"Peachy." I put a hand up to my face. Evidently Trent had gotten a few blows in that I had failed to block. He still came off worse than me though. So did Macy. She had sat down, her back giving her hell. I hoped that next time they'd remember who they were dealing with.

"Where's Eric?" I asked again. Trent scowled at me.

"Like we'd tell you, bitch!" He snapped. I moved to step forward and give him a piece of my mind, but Carl stopped me.

"Alex, don't."

"Those bastards hinted towards something happening to Eric. They hinted that he was outside the walls. That bitch said things about how she hoped that walkers found him." I glared at Carl, my fists clenched and teeth ground shut. He had to understand how I felt. He had to! Eric was all I had.

"Go get yourself looked after. We'll get a search party out."

"No. I'm going too. He's my brother." Carl looked back at Maggie and Morgan.

 _Look after those you care about._

They shrugged. Good, they understood that they weren't going to change my mind. Finally, someone was learning. Carl turned back to me.

"At least get yourself cleaned up a little. He beat you pretty bad."

"Not as bad as I beat them," I looked at Trent and smiled smugly, "Hope you enjoy the new look."

"You fucking bitch!" He lurched forwards, trying to get another blow in, but Morgan held him back. I swallowed. For the first time, I was actually slightly frightened of these two. I knew that they'd want revenge on me. I broke Trent's nose and who knew what I did to Macy's back. If nothing had happened to Eric, they'd want to have another go at me. Even if something happened to Eric, they'd want another go at me. I walked off with Carl and headed to the house that served as a health centre. Sure, we didn't have a doctor or a nurse or anything like that, but we did have people who could understand the very basics. Like how to clean someone's face up and stitch them up if such measures were required. I was getting training from one of these people, and apparently I had promise. As it turned out I did need stitches in my forehead. Curse Trent. May he live in even more interesting times than he already does.


	5. JJ

We stood around in small groups, waiting to be assigned the direction we were to head out in. I was fidgeting, annoyed, worried about my brother.

"This is taking too long." I hissed to Carl, who was standing beside me. He wasn't too happy that I was going with them, just like his dad wouldn't have been too happy (like father like son). But I knew he was just looking out for me, like I was looking out for my brother.

"We have to make sure everything is organised so we can make the most of what people we have."

"You think I don't know that?" I darted a quick look at him and then looked back at the person in charge of organising the groups, someone I didn't really know, "Every moment we wait is another moment that Eric could be bitten. I can't lose him, Carl. I just can't." I bit my lower lip, remembering what Trent and Macy had said about me being a useless child. Maybe they were right. I couldn't even look after my own brother properly.

"He'll be fine. We'll find him."

"You can't be sure about that. No one can."

"Right! Everyone know what they're doing?" The guy organising the groups asked. We all nodded and I adjusted the knife at my hip slightly. I still didn't have a gun, but I was fine with that. The guy nodded and started moving towards the gate. Carl and I were in a team of two. Not many people had volunteered to search for my brother, only about seventeen. Everyone else had more important things to do, people to look after. Why risk your life for a kid who you barely knew and who, chances were, was dead or now a walker?

"I presume that you know where we'll be searching?" I asked Carl. He knew the area better than I did. He nodded. I sighed, worry etched on my face. I looked back as I headed out the gate. We had looked all over the place for Eric in the hopes that he was still within the walls, but he hadn't been there. Or not that we could see, and we'don't been pretty thorough. Plus he had never been too great at hide and seek, so if he was within the walls we would have found him. I strongly suspected that the Reeves had something to with his disappearance. I saw the twins standing there, faces expressionless, watching me leave. I frowned, not trusting them. What was it that those people had against me and my brother? We hadn't done anything to them. But some people were just like that. Wanting to lord over someone. Evidently they had chosen Eric and me to be their subjects.

* * *

Carl was walking in front of me, leading the way. We had been out in the danger zone for ages and I was starting to lose hope. If anyone had found Eric they would have sent up a flare, but there had been no flare. I had argued against a flare, it would attract too much attention I thought, but it was the best we had, unfortunately. Carl said that we'd find him. I hadn't believed him then, and I was losing more and more faith in what he had said. Then something broke (probably a twig or something along those lines, creepy movie time!) and I whirled around to look in the direction I thought it had come from.

"Carl...?" I asked, looking at him with uncertainty. He frowned, his hand held out to stop me from walking forward, though he didn't need to. I wasn't going to go anywhere. We waited, still as cats hunting birds, waiting for whatever made the noise to come out. Nothing moved. It was like the world was waiting for something to happen. I swallowed and slowly removed the knife from its makeshift sheath, holding it securely at the ready, like Carl was holding his gun ready to fire. He looked at me and I nodded, watching him as he stepped cautiously forward. I bit my bottom lip. If anything happened to Carl, Rick would kill me. A shot rang out in the stillness and I grabbed Carl by his jacket, pulling him back behind a tree.

"You OK?" I asked. He nodded.

"Yeah. Thanks."

"Don't thank me yet. You're the only one of us with a long ranged weapon." I looked around the tree and ducked back as another shot rang out. I scowled and took a deep breath before ducking and running over to the next tree along.

"Alex!" Carl looked at me, frustrated and confused. He had no clue what I was doing. Neither did I. I shook my head.

"It's because of Eric and me that we're out here. I'm not going to let anything happen to you." I started making my way through the trees, Carl covering me with return fire as I moved, doubling back and eventually coming up behind a group of three people, all of them with guns and knives. I pulled one person backwards, slitting his throat. I felt sick. I had never killed before, had hoped I would never have to. One of the two remaining men turned to face me, aiming his gun at my head. He smirked.

"Ever heard the saying don't bring a knife to a gun fight?"

"Yeah, I have." I stepped forward and managed to get his wrist with my knife. He cursed, dropping his gun involuntarily, quickly moving to draw his knife. I took the opportunity and was going in for the kill when I was thrown against a tree.

"Seriously? Twice in one day?" I muttered as I felt blood trickling down my face again, rolling out of the way as a gun shot rang out again, leaping to my feet and grabbing the shooter's shoulders, pulling him down to my knee, getting him in the gut. I repetitively kneed him and then turned around, blocking the knife man's attack to my head. I heard a shot ring out and looked around to see Carl pointing a gun at the man behind me. I nodded in thanks and returned my attention to the man I was fighting. He was frowning, but not from concentration. He was confused. No wonder he hadn'the killed me when I had taken my attention off him when Carl had shot the other guy. I felt him remove pressure and stepped backwards, looking at him with an equal amount of confusion.

"What are you doing?! Kill her!" The man Carl had shot said. Evidently Carl had aimed to maim and not to kill. The knife man shook his head.

"Look at her! She looks like –" He fell silent as I stabbed my knife into his temple. He collapsed to the ground, lifeless eyes staring at me with a look of horror. I took a deep breath and looked down at my blood covered hands. Slowly I turned and looked at Carl. He had his gun pointed at the head of the man on the ground. The gun man looked at me, disgust and horror on his face.

"You worthless bitch!" He hissed. I shook my head, feeling cold.

"Not the first time I've been called something along those lines today." I said, walking over to the first man I had killed and shoving my knife into his head. Didn't want him coming back as a walker.

"You alright?" Carl asked me. I looked at him and shrugged.

"Should I be? I just killed two men. I think there would be something wrong me if I was alright."

"I was meaning did they hurt you."

"Well, apparently my stitches are broken. Hit my head again." I indicated to the tree and shrugged.

"Who cares about her? She killed two men!"

"You tried to kill us." Carl said to him. I frowned. Sometimes Carl could be rather scary, though I suspected he thought the same of me after I just went full on bitch mode and killed two men without a single pause. It was amazing what adrenaline could do. As it left me I felt myself shaking and I sat down, not wanting to be sick. That would ruin the whole bad ass effect, not that sitting down didn'the ruin it. I could feel Carl's eyes on me and looked up.

"I'm good. Just a bit... yeah. I'm fine," I smiled weakly then looked at the man whom Carl had shot in the leg, "What was he going to say? Before I stabbed him in the head. I look like... what?" He spat at my feet and glared at me.

"You shoulda listened instead of killing him."

"Yeah, so he could have killed me when he had finished talking."

"Ha! I doubt he would have killed you. He wouldn't have wanted to risk JJ's wrath," He grimaced as Carl poked him in the back with his gun, "Hey, watch it kid!" I frowned and felt the breath sticking in my throat slightly. Bloody asthma. At least it wasn't too bad yet.

"Wait... I look like this JJ person?" I asked. Our captive laughed.

"Weren't you listening?"

"You weren't making much sense." I muttered. If this JJ was who I thought he was, then it changed everything. Part of me was hoping that it was who I thought it was, the other part was dreading getting the answer to my next question. I slowly stood up and walked over to the man and knelt before him, pointing my knife at him. I kept my face blank.

"Alex, what are you doing?" Carl asked. I didn't answer.

"This JJ. What does he want?"

"Why would I tell a silly bitch like you?"

"Seriously? Is the worst insult you can come up with for me 'bitch'? You need to come up with better insults. What is his real name?"

"We just know him as JJ."

"Good. We're making progress. Now what does he want?" I asked. The captive smirked and then spat in my face. I blinked, wiped the spit on my sleeve then laughed spitefully, leaning forward and whispering in his ear.

"Thanks for nothing." I leaned back and shoved my knife in his head. Carl just looked at me.

"You killed him."

"We weren't going to get anymore information from him, and I'd rather him not getting away to let JJ know that I'm here." I muttered, standing up, wiping my knife on a scrap of fabric I carried with me for precisely that reason. Carl frowned at me.

"Why don't you want this guy to know that you specifically are here?" I looked at Carl, frowning as I put my knife back in its sheath.

"I have a strong suspicion I know who he is. And I don't fancy meeting him just yet."

"Why? Who do you think he is?" I looked away.

"Jedidiah Jameson. My dad."


	6. After effects

Carl looked at me unbelievingly. He frowned, lowering his gun slowly.

"Your dad?"

"I'm not positive, but yes. I believe so." I wanted to fold my arms, but didn't like the idea of getting blood on my bare arms, so I just continued to stand there awkwardly. There was silence for a moment and then Carl spoke again.

"You going to tell Eric?"

"Not yet. I'm not positive that it's Dad. All we know is I look like this guy and that he's called JJ. Oh, and that it seems like he wants to take Alexandria. Anyway, we need to find Eric first, don't we?" I looked around, indicating to the emptiness of the surrounding wilderness, "And what's the likelihood of that happening soon? Even if we find him today, I doubt he's going to look at me with the same love and affection as usual. Not with being covered in blood." I scowled. Carl didn't say anything for a moment, then started moving again.

"Come on. We'd better get back to looking." He said, stepping in front of me again.

"Yeah." I sighed, following him again as we made our way. I didn't know how to feel. Was I happy about the possibility of my dad being alive, or was I upset about it? Angry? Did I even care? I was confused. How did he even escape whichever war zone he had been in? Why didn't he try to find Eric, his wife, me? Why did he just leave us?

* * *

"Hey." Carl said, drawing me out of my thoughts, pointing at the sky. I smiled, relief rushing through my veins. The flare hung in the sky for a moment before vanishing. I hoped none of our enemies saw it, hoped no walkers paid it any attention.

"I told you we'd find him." He said. I grinned at him gratefully and started running back towards Alexandria, Carl close behind me.

* * *

"Eric!" I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him towards me, kneeling down so I could hug him better. He buried his head in my shoulder and I pulled him tighter. I could feel him shivering and I didn't want to let him go. If he had noticed that I was covered in blood, he didn't seem too bothered by it. I looked up at the group who had found him. Glenn, Maggie, and Morgan.

"Thank you." I said. They nodded. I took Eric by the shoulders and pushed him back so I could look him in the eye. He frowned at me and touched the blood on my face. I smiled slightly.

"What happened?"

"Got in a bit of a fight. And what about you? What made you want to go out there?" I asked, indicating the world past the walls. Eric looked slightly sheepish.

"I'm not a pussy."

"Who said that you were?" I asked, frowning. He looked so upset, dirt on his face. I wanted to wipe it away, but I didn't want to scare him with the blood on my hands. He shook his head, not wanting to say. It surprised me that he even knew what was meant by pussy in that context. Whoever called him that had also explained what it meant. I looked up again and spotted the twins not far off. I frowned. Like I needed telling who called my little brother a pussy. Those stupid Reeves. I pulled Eric in for another hug, picking him up and taking him back to our house. He never let go of me, just clung on round my neck. I'd have to ask where Morgan, Glenn, and Maggie found him later. Maybe after I'd out him in bed. It was around 8 o'clock at night, it was getting dark and I had no clue what time he had left the sanctuary. It didn't really matter anyway. He was exhausted. I put Eric down and pushed him towards the bathroom.

"Go get cleaned up." I said, hiding my hands behind my back. He was a kid. I didn't want him to know I had killed three people today. He headed into the bathroom and I headed to the tap outside, running water over my hands and trying desperately to remove the blood from them.

"Come on!" I growled, scrubbing at the blood even harder.

"You look like you're trying to remove your hands." Carl said, coming up behind me. I laughed.

"Yeah, I just don't want Eric to see what I did. He seems shaken enough," I turned the tap off and shook my hands dry, "It was the Reeves. They told him he was a pussy. They influenced him to go out there, to put himself in danger, to get at me." I rubbed at a spot of blood I missed, not looking up.

"You can't prove it though."

"Oh please, don't tell me that Macy got under your skin. She may look like a precious princess, but she's more evil than the Joker."

"Bringing Batman into this?"

"In this case, Macy is like a worse version of Cat Woman crossed with the Joker." I growled. I had already killed three people. I was more than willing to make it a fourth. I walked back inside and headed upstairs. I could hear the shower still running and headed into my room, stripping off my shirt, rummaging around in my draws for a clean one. I didn't care who saw me.

"Don't you think that's going a little far?" Carl asked, leaning against the doorway to my room, carefully not looking in. I shook my head.

"Not at all. That family put us all at risk. Are there scissors anywhere?" I asked, buttoning up a blue checked shirt that used to belong to my dad. I stood in front or Carl, leaning on the other side of the doorframe. He nodded and went down the stairs.

"I'll grab them for you."

"Sweet. Thanks." I smiled and turned around as the door to the bathroom opened, Eric coming out, his hair falling in his eyes. I shook my head and ruffled his hair, thanking God that I didn't look as bad as I felt. He screwed up his face and lazily hit my arm away before leaning against me, all the energy sapped out of him. I gave him a hug, then pick him up and carried him to his bed, tucking him in nice and cosy. He rolled over and looked at me.

"Don't leave."

"Never. And no matter what, I will always look for you. You're my baby brother." I smiled softly and leaned forward to give him a kiss on the forehead before making myself more comfortable next to his bed, pulling a book out of his pack. I knew that he had it with him. It was his favourite, had been since he was about three and Dad used to read it to him. Dad had the best reading voice, could always make the simplest story seem full of suspense, full of adventure. I opened to the first page and started reading out loud for him, waiting for him to fall asleep. Carl came back when I was halfway through the second page and just stood there, watching me read to Eric in silence, scissors in his hand. By the end of the first chapter Eric was fast asleep and I stood up quietly, placing the book on the table beside his bed, then silently left the room.

"Here are the scissors." Carl whispered, handing them over to me as I closed the door behind me. I smiled.

"Thanks. I'll get them back to you tomorrow. Eric needs a hair cut too," I stood still for a bit, "Please think about what I said. I don't trust the Reeves. Soon they're going to do something that will put us all in danger." I stepped past him and headed into the bathroom where I stood in front of the mirror and grabbed a comb. I pulled the comb roughly through my hair and then started cutting away at my hair. Soon it was at a length that I was satisfied with, almost pixie style. I placed the scissors on the vanity and headed to my bedroom, noticing that Carl had left. A part of me was glad, but another was wishing that we had talked a bit more things. Macy for one thing. I didn't like the way she looked at him, like he was some sort of prey. It made me want to be sick. I grabbed a clean pair of track pants and t-shirt before heading back to the bathroom and turning on the shower. I stripped off and stepped in, feeling the water run over my body. After the day I'd had, it felt good to finally be getting clean again. I turned my face up to the water and ran my hands through my now very short hair, just the way it should be. The faces of the men who I killed that day floated into my mind, the fear in their eyes. They were like me, they were survivors. They didn't want to be killed. I slammed my fist against the wall of the shower, angry with myself, annoyed at how I was letting it get to me. I felt sick. How could I have done that? I felt my body shuddering with suppressed tears. Soon I wasn't sure if the moisture on my cheeks was from the water from the shower or my own tears or a little of both.

They probably had families once upon a time.

They had felt happiness, joy, freedom.

Had experienced sorrow, grief, suffering.

Who was I to judge them? To choose whether they should live or die? That was for God alone. I was worthless of making those decisions, and yet I had taken their lives without a moment's hesitation. What did that make me?

Is this how my dad had felt when he first killed? I wanted it to go.

' _Please take this from me, God. Please.'_ I received no answer. I turned off the shower and stepped out, though I didn't feel any cleaner, not mentally at least. How could I? I had killed. Slowly I dried myself and got into the clothes I had picked out to serve as my pyjamas before walking down the hall to my room and crawling into bed. That night I hardly slept, nightmares plaguing me. Each time I would wake up with tears running down my face.

 _Kill or be killed._

 _It's a dog eat dog world out there._

* * *

The next day I went to find Glenn and Maggie after cutting Eric's hair and returning the scissors. I knew them better than I knew Morgan, though in all honesty I knew I should get to know him. He didn't seem to be a bad guy. Just a little... religious? There were things I could be doing instead of celebrating my religion. Sure, religion was all very well, but in this world I didn't see how going to worship God was going to make things better. I spotted the two I was looking for and jogged over to them. They smiled at me as I stopped in front of them.

"Hey," Maggie said, "What's up?"

"Um, I just want to know where you found him. Eric." I brushed my fringe out of my eyes and looked from Maggie to Glenn.

"Down the road a bit, hiding in the ditch. He was just sitting there." Glenn said. I nodded.

"Thanks. Was he in any kind of danger at all?"

"There was a walker nearby, but it didn't seem like he'd attracted its attention." Maggie said. I frowned. I knew some people who had a lot to answer for.

"Thanks. And seriously, thank you so much for finding him. I owe you one."

"Nah, we were happy to help. I know what it's like to lose someone." Maggie said, an understanding look on her face. I smiled slightly, rather sadly.

"Haven't we all? I'll see you round." I started heading off.

"Hey, Alex," I looked back at Maggie, "Nice haircut." I smiled and nodded, then continued on my way, a determined look in my eye. Those Reeves were gonna pay.

* * *

I marched up to Macy and grabbed her by the shoulders, shoving her up against the wall. She squeaked in surprise, and probably a bit in pain. I scowled at her.

"I know it was you. I know you were the ones who dared him to go out there. You called him a pussy. I know it was you. He's just a kid. A kid! Why the hell would you do something like that? How would you feel if I did something like that to the twins?"

"They wouldn't be that dumb." She laughed spitefully, though I could see the fear in her eyes. I scowled, wanting to smash her pretty little face into a pulp, only just managing to stop myself.

"He's a kid! He just wants to prove himself and you went and did that?! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"Alex!" Someone called. I didn't look around. I knew it was Morgan, could recognise his voice. He didn't seem too fond of violence. I didn't move. Macy looked at me and smirked slightly.

"You might want to let go, or someone is going to have to teach you some manners." She said, altogether far to smugly. I lost it. I stepped back slightly, looking like I was backing down. I gave her enough time to tidy her clothes up, then I punched her in the face. Hard. She cried out and clutched at her mouth.

"That's for putting Eric in danger. You're lucky Morgan is here, or I swear, there'd be something from me too." She glared up at me, blood pouring out her mouth. I hoped she'd lost a tooth. I turned around and walked off, Morgan watching me. A small crowd had actually formed. News was going to get around. But I didn't really care. She deserved everything she got.

* * *

 _The man sat opposite her and her brother. Eric was on her lap and she could feel her leg dying, but she didn't mind. Yet. The man was leaning his elbows on his knees and was frowning._

 _"So, you don't know how long you have been down here?" She shook her head, "And you pretty much had to watch your mum die?"_

 _"I saw her get bit." She said. The man's frown grew._

 _"That's rough. No kid should have to see that."_

 _"If you don't mind me asking, sir, but what's your name?" The man smiled slightly. It lit up his face and made him seem like he was just a teenager._

 _"You're a very well spoken lady, you know that?" A small smile touched her face. That's what her mum had used to say, what her dad had called her when he saw her after returning home after a tour of a place worse off than they were. She nodded and tightened her hold on her little brother, resting her chin on his shoulder. He snuggled backwards into her and shoved his thumb in his mouth. The man looked at them and leaned back on his chair, one that he had grabbed from the dining room upstairs._

 _"My name is Joshua Davis, but my friends called me Josh."_

 _"Called?" She frowned. He smiled sadly._

 _"Well, now they just kinda moan at me and try to eat me." The boy started sacking on his thumb slightly harder. He didn't need to hear these things, but at the same time he really did. This was the world that he was going to grow up in, he needed to know the reality of it. The man sighed and looked at the two kids thoughtfully._

 _"What are you called?"_

 _"I'm Alex, short for Alexandra. This is my brother, Eric."_

 _"Do you mind if I stay with you? I don't have anywhere to stay, and I could look after you." Josh offered. Alex looked at her brother thoughtfully and nodded, slightly unsure. Her mum wouldn't have just left this man to fend for himself, and he had saved them. They needed help, this man was offering it. She nodded again with more certainty._

 _"It would be our honour." She said. Josh smiled at her, think about how strange this young girl was. She reminded him of someone he used to know when he was younger. He wondered where the girl he used to know was. If there was a chance she was still alive... maybe things weren't as helpless as they seemed._


	7. Sixth sense

The day after I punched Macy in the face (which had felt surprisingly satisfying), Eric was sitting on my bed peering into my face with wide, energetic eyes. When he saw my eyes open he grinned and started bouncing up and down slightly with enthusiasm. It was good to see him so happy again. He hadn't been his normal chipper self the day before.

"Breakfast!" He said. I pulled a face, smiling, and pushed him off the bed before rolling over and pretending to go back to sleep. I heard him huff and felt the bed move as he crawled over to sit on top of me and felt him shaking my shoulder.

"Come on! Breakfast time!"

"Get it yourself." I grumbled, rolling over onto my back and smiling at him. He rolled over and lay next to me, gazing into my face with big pleading eyes.

"Please?" He asked in the most pathetic voice. I raised my eyebrow and rolled out of bed, kicking off the blankets and putting my feet on the ground, pulling a face at how cold the floor was. I was tired, but I didn't want to show Eric that. I didn't want him to worry, and he would have. Perhaps I was underestimating him.

"What time is it?" I rubbed my face as Eric shrugged. I stood up and started moving downstairs, seeing Glenn sitting at the table. I glared up the stairs to where Eric was sitting, looking rather pleased with himself. At that moment I regretted taking him to meet new people. Now that he was acting his age, I was finding it so much harder not to act the annoying older sister in retaliation to his annoying little brother act.

"God, you look dreadful."

"Yeah, please don't take a knife to my brain. I am still alive," I muttered, opening the pantry and pulling out a tin of some sort of fruit, showing it to Eric, "Oi, pest, breakfast." I called. He pulled a face and I smirked. He'd have to live with what he was given. I grabbed a tin opener from the draw and opened the tin, dolloping the fruit into a bowl for him and then sitting at the table, looking at Glenn. I watched as Eric sat down and started playing with the food, reluctant to eat the fruit. I understood where he was coming from, but beggars can't be choosers.

 _If wishes were horses then beggars would ride._

"So, what brings you to our humble abode on this fine day?" I asked, looking at Glenn.

"Eric told me yesterday that you'd been acting funny, and I saw what you did to Macy. Just wanted to make sure you were OK." It had been a couple days since I had killed those men, sure, but I still hadn't gotten over it, and it made me feel weak, but also a bit relieved. Feeling like I was still human, even after everything that I'd been through. I darted a look at Eric, then looked down into the tin, playing with the fruit in it with my fork. I shrugged.

"I'm fine. Nothing I can't handle. Heard anything about Rick and the others?"

"Not yet."

"Shouldn't they be back by now?" I frowned. The foreboding feeling I had felt when they left returned and I could feel goose bumps travel up my spine. It felt like something was wrong, and I hated not knowing what was going on. Glenn shrugged.

"I don't know. Sometimes they can be gone for a week, sometimes longer. You can never tell when they're going to be back."

"I feel like something has happened."

"She has a sixth sense." Eric whispered when Glenn looked confused. I shook my head and sighed.

"Eric, I've told you before, there is no such thing as a sixth sense. At least, not when it comes to seeing the future."

"But you knew something bad was going to happen to Josh! You didn't want him to go out, but he did!" I looked at Eric and shook my head.

"Now isn't the time!" I hissed. Glenn looked confused.

"Josh?"

"Someone who helped us back in the city. Not something that is overly pleasant to talk about." I didn't look at Glenn. Eric was frowning slightly, as though he didn't understand why I was so reluctant to talk about these things, that he didn't understand what he did wrong. He hadn't done anything wrong. I was just more shut off than people would like, at least when it came to losing those I had cared about. And Josh had been like an older brother to me.

"Hey, Alex," I looked up at Glenn and he looked at me, "We've all lost people we cared about. You're not alone."

"I know. I know that everyone else here has lost so many people. But in some ways, I am alone. I know none of you all that well, and how long have I been here? You're as closed off to me as I am to you. The only people who really reached out aside from you, Maggie, and Carl are out there, doing who knows what."

 _Living in the past isn't living at all._

Glenn nodded, understanding where I was coming from.

"You going to help with the garden again?"

"Yeah, after a practice with Carl."

"See you then." Glenn smiled at Eric and me and then left. I sighed and looked up when Eric placed his hand on my arm, watching me with concern.

"Why did you say you're fine?" He asked.

"Because it isn't something someone can help me with. I appreciate you trying to help me, but somethings you have to get through on your own."

The church stood in front of me. It wasn't much of a church, but it was something. I pushed open the door and walked in, closing the door again behind me, then walked over to sit in one of the pews. I closed my eyes. This was the closest I had been to God in a long time. Technically speaking I was catholic, I had been baptised as one, but after the walkers came around, well, it was a bit hard to go to church. If only it was as easy to get away from undead in reality as stories made it seem. A priest walked over and sat next to me. I sighed.

"Of all the things that could have been built here, a church was. Why?"

"Because people need something to believe in." He responded. I had seen him around before, but I didn't really know him. I certainly couldn't bring his name to mind. I chewed on my lower lip.

"How can people still believe that God is good... when the world is pretty much falling down around us?" The priest thought for a moment and I watched him out the corner of my eye. I had told Glenn I was going to practice with Carl before working on the garden some more, and I was planning to. But first I needed answers. Sure, some things you have to go through on your own. But other things you can talk to someone about, even if it is just some deity who may or may not have turned His back on you.

"Because we are still here. We are still alive." He answered after a while. I laughed, smiling slightly, shaking my head.

"I just don't understand it." I whispered. He frowned.

"Is there something that you wish to say?" He asked. I couldn't look at him. Here I was, sitting in his church, and there was blood on my hands. I was in the presence of God and I had sinned more greatly than many of the people in Alexandria.

"I killed three men. I looked them right in the eye and I killed them. What does that make me?" I closed my eyes and felt my hands clench. I could still see their eyes.

"God forgives you of all your sins."

"But what if he doesn't? Those people were like me. They were survivors. Chances are that they had someone waiting for them. I don't know what I would do if Eric went out and never came back. How am I supposed to even know that God is still there?" I felt a tear slide down my cheek, "I lost my mum, I saw her get bitten, I heard her screams as she was eaten alive. I heard the gunshot when Josh committed suicide. I just found out that my dad might still be alive, that he might be planning on taking Alexandria under his control. I don't know how to tell Eric, and I don't see how God could still be watching over me when there are walkers trying to rip my guts out," I looked at the priest, "How do you do it? Continue believing when there seems to be nothing to believe in?" He paused again before answering, weighing his words carefully before replying.

"I have faith in God's plan for the world. What he wants shall come to pass, and in death I shall join Him in heaven." I looked back at the front of the church. If only things were that simple for me. Perhaps if things had been different then they would be. Maybe I wouldn't feel so alone, so forsaken.

"If only things were that simple for me." I said. I was expecting him to say some cheesey line about how it could be, but he didn't. He just sat there in complete silence next to me. Evidently he'd listened to a few people with the same doubts with me. Either that or he had been there himself. I smiled sadly as I looked around the church, taking in my surroundings more thoroughly.

"You know, I haven't been in a church since I was about ten. I doubt Eric would even remember being in one, he was so young at the time."

"You are welcome here any time you wish."

"You talk the way I did when I was a kid. Always seeming so respectful. It's amazing how much one person can change, can be influenced by the world around them," I thought for a moment, "Should I tell Eric about the possibility that Dad is still alive? Or wait until I am positive?"

"You should do whatever you feel is right."

"Ha, some help you are." But I was smiling. It felt good to just be able to talk to someone and know that they wouldn't tell anyone else. The priest was looking at me, almost seeming like he cared. But did he really?

 _Only trust those you know. Even people you know and hate. You can trust them to do something that you don't like._

There was a commotion outside and I frowned, standing up and moving to the door. Glenn spotted me and came jogging over.

"What's going on?"

"They're back."

"Somethings wrong, isn't it?" I asked, frowning at the commotion. Surely it would be quieter if everything had gone smoothly. Glenn nodded.

"Seems like your sixth sense is right. Daryl was shot." He said. For a moment I froze, then pushed past him and sprinted to the building where I guessed they would be taking Daryl. If he was dead, there wouldn't be this much commotion either.

' _Please let me be right...'_


	8. Arrow and Rum

I threw the door open wide and barged in just as they were about to rip an arrow out of Daryl's shoulder. I ran forward and grabbed Rick's arm, making him stop.

"No! Do that and more damage could be done." I said. Daryl glared at me.

"What the hell are you on about? Just get this thing out of me!" He snapped. It was obvious he was in pain. I didn't take my eye off Rick, hardly taking notice of Daryl as I gently pushed Rick away. Reluctantly he let go of the arrow and stepped back.

"Patience, Daryl. I bet that thing hurts like hell, but removing that arrow in the wrong way and it'll cause you pain for a lot longer. I think." I bit my lower lip. Suddenly I felt like was just a kid again, listening to my mum talking about different injuries she had worked on in the hospital. If I was remembering correctly she had dealt with someone that was shot in the leg with a crossbow, but it was so long ago that I couldn't be sure.

"You think? I ripped an arrow out of myself before, no lasting damage done." Daryl glared at me. Pissed off Daryl was even worse than normal Daryl. I hadn't thought it possible.

"I'm not a doctor. That was my mum." I whispered. I didn't like this at all. I sighed and took Mum's coat off, then removed my shirt. Daryl was bleeding quite badly. We had to put pressure on the wound, and about the only thing we could really use to help with that and keep the arrow in place was someone's shirt. Possibly. I didn't know what I was doing. I wrapped the shirt around the arrow and started applying pressure. Rick stood behind me and I could pretty much hear him frowning. So he had noticed.

"How did you get those scars?"

"That is a story better left for later. For now do you mind helping me out here?" I looked around at him. I was waiting for Daryl to make some kind of comment about a shirtless woman tending his wounds, but he didn't. He just sat there scowling. Rick walked over and stood next to me.

"What do you want me to do?"

"The arrow. Take it out slowly and straight up. Make sure it doesn't move sideways or it will do even more damage." Rick nodded and wrapped his hands around the arrow and began to gently pull. Daryl cried out in pain and I held my hand up to stop Rick and moved his hand down to put pressure on the wound as I walked off to grab something for Daryl to bite down on. I shrugged as he glared at me.

"A spoon?" He asked.

"Best I could do at such short notice. I'm not the one who was dumb enough to get shot. How did you get shot with an arrow anyway?" He didn't answer, grabbing the spoon and biting down on it, "Man, you need to work on your attitude problem," I smirked and wrapped my hands around the arrow, looking at Rick, "Keep the pressure on the wound." He nodded and I carefully started pulling the arrow out, eventually managing to remove it from Daryl's shoulder. My patient spat the spoon out and looked at me.

"Now what?" He grunted. I shrugged.

"I... I don't actually know. Keep pressure on the wound for a little longer? Try to stop the bleeding?" I frowned and Rick looked at me.

"You're doing good."

"I'm making it up as I go along." I looked at him and shook my head, shrugging. I turned back around and rummaged in a first aid kit, pulling out a needle and stitching thread and turning back to Daryl, holding it up to show I him. He glared at me and I thought for a moment, then put the needle down, turning to Rick.

"Keep the pressure on that wound. I'll be back."

"Where are you going?"

"To get some booze." I grabbed my coat and left the building, pulling on the coat as I ran out. I had to maintain some dignity as I went out to try and find booze. Fortunately I knew exactly where some was. Rick hadn't claimed everything from our bags when we first joined. I threw open the front door and knelt down, rummaging in the kitchen cupboard.

"Alex?"

"Eric, where's the rum?"

"Why?"

"Needed it for Daryl." I explained, looking around at him. He frowned.

"He OK?"

"Eh, hopefully. Now where the hell did I put it?"

"Under the sink."

"Heh, naturally. You always could remember where I put things down better than I could." I grinned at him and grabbed the rum. Probably wasn't the best alcohol for sterilizing wounds, but I supposed it was better than nothing. I left the house, Eric following me this time, and went back to Daryl. I waived the alcohol in his face, grinning and took the top off it.

"Merry Christmas!"

"I could use a drink."

"Sorry, not for drinking at this moment." I laughed, thinking I would make a great mad scientist, and nodded to Rick to remove my now ruined top, and splashed some of the rum on Daryl's wound.

"Bitch!" He growled.

"That's what they all call me. Now you may drink." I handed him the bottle and grabbed the needle, pulling it through his skin. It felt... weird. Daryl pulled a face but didn't complain. He was learning. The more he kicked up a fuss, the meaner I would be. When I was done I stepped back and cut the thread, then put a clean bandage on it. I shrugged again.

"How does that feel?"

"Like I haven't had enough to drink." Daryl said. I smiled, looking at Rick as he placed a hand on my shoulder.

"You did good. You think now is a good time to explain those scars on your back?" I froze, slowly turning and looking at Eric. He looked confused.

"What scars? She doesn't have scars. She would have told me." He said. I sighed, the joy I had felt from helping Daryl slipping away.

"Yeah. I guess now is as good a time as any." I didn't take my eyes off Eric as he looked from me to Rick, confused.

* * *

"When I was a kid our dad didn't treat me the best." I explained, leaning against the wall back in our house. Rick and Daryl were sitting at the table listening to me and Eric was watching me with a look of horror on his face. Daryl seemed slightly effected by yhe news, too, which confused me slightly. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Eric shook his head, not wanting to believe me.

"No, Dad was a good man. You... you said he was."

"Yes, he was a good man. He was the best man I knew. He still didn't treat me the best. The scars on my back were from when he went drinking with his mates and had a little too much. He'd comes home, piss ass drunk, and goes on about how I was an ungrateful little bitch, about how he was out there risking his neck to make other countries a safer place, all for me, and I showed him no respect, showed no sign of being grateful. One night he went further than usual and pulled a knife on me, slicing my back open. That's how I got the scars." I shrugged. It was a long time ago, didn't really have any effect on me anymore. I used to make excuses for him, tell myself that he didn't mean it. Put it down to PTSD and left it at that, even when I was taken to hospital by my mum. In all honesty I had forgotten about the scars until now. Only scars I took any notice of were the ones on my hands from when Dad had pushed me through a window. They'd opened up again when Josh was looking after Eric and me.

"How can you call him a good man when he did that to you?" Daryl growled, "Are you insane of somethin'?"

"He risked his neck out fighting in wars, trying to make the world a safer place. When he was sober he was fine, really nice. He was always very apologetic afterwards."

"Being apologetic doesn't change what he did to you." Rick said, leaning on the table. I shrugged.

"Neither does hating him for it. Hating him doesn't change the past," I looked at Eric and frowned, "Eric, could I talk to Rick and Daryl in private for a moment?"

"Why?"

"I'll tell you when it's just us two. It's something that would be better said to just you later."

"You promise you'll tell me?"

 _Never break a promise._

"I promise." He nodded and went upstairs to his room. I waited until I heard the door to his bedroom close. Hopefully I could trust him not to eavesdrop on the conversation. I looked back at Daryl and Rick. Daryl took another swig of the rum, setting it down on the table with a satisfying thump.

"What's so bad you sent the kid away?" He asked in that gruff tone of his.

"How come you got shot with an arrow? You still have your crossbow."

"The guys that shot him had a recurve or something like that." Rick said. I shifted uncomfortably.

"Did you manage to question anyone?"

"Yeah, one guy. Mentioned a guy called JJ."

"Not a very impressive sounding guy." Daryl grumped, chugging down more rum. I shook my head, amazed at how fast Daryl was going through that bottle. The guy was just shot, for crying out loud. How could he just continue drinking like that? Although, the drinking was probably distracting him from the pain.

"Jedidiah," I said, looking at Rick's confused face, "Jedidiah Jameson. That's my dad's name." Rick leaned back in his chair, watching me carefully.

"You think this guy that they were talking about is your dad?"

"Yeah."

"How do you know about this?" Daryl asked. I half smiled, explaining what had happened while they were away, how Eric had gone missing and we went to find him, how we were attacked and I ended up killing three men. Neither of them spoke as I explained everything to them, just watched me with calculating eyes.

"That's why you sent the kid out." Daryl said.

"Yeah. He doesn't know about any of this. I don't know how to tell him."

"How do you tell your kid brother that you grew some lady balls?" Daryl asked. I glared at him.

"You have any proof that this guy is your dad?" Rick asked before I could snap at Daryl. I shook my head.

"Nothing conclusive. Only that I apparently look like him and that the initials fit." Rick nodded and stood up, leaving the table. I got the impression he was going to talk things over with Carl, hear things from his perspective. I chewed on my bottom lip, thinking.

"Good luck with Eric. You're gonna need it." Rick said as he left. I nodded in thanks and sighed, looking up the stairs to where Eric's room was. I turned back to Daryl, who was still drinking the rum. I was mildly surprised he hadn't finished it and wasn't looking overly drunk. How high was his tolerance to alcohol?! Evidently way higher than Dad's.

"How would you tell him?"

"Tell who what?"

"If you were in my shoes, how would you tell Eric that the dad you had never talked about might actually be alive and that you had killed three people?"

"I ain't in your shoes."

"Some help you are." I muttered, pushing myself away from the wall and heading upstairs, my heart pounding. This was one talk I wasn't looking forward to.

"Good luck." I heard Daryl say when I reached the top of the stairs. I sighed and knocked on Eric's door, pausing a moment before heading in. Eric looked at me expectantly as I crossed the room to sit on the bed next to him. Sure, it was normal for people to kill walkers in this new world, but I doubted that even in his worst dreams, Eric would envision me killing even one person, let alone three. He looked at me with concern, able to see there was something very wrong by the look on my face.

"What is it?" He asked. I took a deep breath and began to tell him everything.


	9. Finding JJ

Eric was sitting next to Glenn, looking thoroughly miserable. It made me feel bad as I watched them from my place working the new garden. Carl walked over to me and I went back to work. I didn't massively feel like talking, considering that my brother was pretty much disowning me for a while.

"You alright?"

"I feel like that is the most frequently asked questions. Can't you lot think of anything else to ask?" I closed my eyes and sighed, turning back to him, "Sorry."

"Nah, it's all good. I take it Eric still isn't talking to you?"

"Nope. He's finding it hard to come to terms with the idea that his sister is pretty much a murderer, not to mention that I've been keeping the possibility of our dad still being alive from him. Maybe joining you lot was a mistake." I frowned. Carl shook his head.

"He'll come to terms with it, don't worry. It was either you or them."

"I know. But since we left the city everything has been turned upside down and inside out," I spotted the Reeves watching us and scowled, "Your girlfriend's watching." I turned around and returned to working. Daryl was watching us from a distance, not wanting to move much because of his arm, still crankier than usual because of the pain and the fact that he couldn't really do anything except rest. Doctor's orders. In this case, my orders, which probably didn't help matters. Daryl? Take orders from a roughly sixteen year old girl? Right. Like that was going to go down without a hitch.

"She's not my girlfriend."

"She wishes she was." I muttered. Carl shook his head.

"Just because she wishes she was doesn't mean that she is."

"Right, sure. Keep telling yourself that," I cursed myself, "Again, I apologise. I shouldn't be taking things out on you."

' _I should be taking it out on the bastards who caused this whole scenario to unravel.'_

"Dad wants to talk to us by the looks of things." Carl pointed to Rick. I looked up and sighed.

"It seems like everyone wants to get in on the action today." I threw the shovel to the side and started heading over to Rick, following Carl. I wondered what he wanted. If it was about my dad, then there was nothing more that I could tell him. I didn't really know what he was like anymore, hadn't seen him for so long. Did he know I was alive? Did he know Eric was alive? Did he even care? Did he know about Mum? I darted a look over to Eric, wishing that he would talk to me. As I walked past them, Macy and Trent started murmuring quietly to each other.

"How's your nose?" I called to Trent, grinning when Macy had to hold him back, scowling at me.

"It's no wonder they don't like you, if you insist on stirring up trouble." Carl said.

"They started it." He looked at me incredulously.

"You've changed. You were... nicer when you first came here."

"Heh, you should have seen me when I was a kid. A nicer person you would never have met." I smiled at the memory of young me, so sweet, so innocent. A girl who saw the best in everyone. Maybe there was a way that it had all been a misunderstanding between me and the Reeves. Perhaps now I just saw the worst in everyone. Maybe that was why God seemed to have left me. Rick stood before me and Carl, hands on hips, the way he usually stood.

"We're going out again." He said. I froze.

"What? Why?" I asked, looking at Daryl with worry. He was sitting there so casually. Was he also going? I hoped not. He still needed to rest. Rick noticed this.

"Don't worry. He's not going anywhere. You're coming with us." He said, nodding to me.

"What?! That's an even dumber idea than Daryl going!" Fear rose in my throat. I couldn't go out there! I had too much to lose.

"Why do you want to take her with you?" Carl asked.

"If what you both said is true, then people can recognise you as being related to Jedidiah. We want to find him."

"Why? What good will that do? And what does it matter if people can recognise me as being related to him? We aren't even positive that it is him."

"That's why we're going to find out, and why you're coming with us. Carl, you think she's up to it? You two seem to get along quite well, you know her better than most of us. You've seen her in action."

"So have you! And you beat me every single time!"

"I think she could handle it."

"Do I get no say in this?!" I was starting to panic. Rick looked at me.

"Course you do. I'd like it if you came with us. It could save us from a very sticky situation, and if Carl says you can handle it then I believe him." I didn't answer for a moment, thinking. I couldn't let anything happen to Rick.

"Who else will be going?"

"Michonne, Glenn, Maggie, Eugene."

"Not Glenn. Eric needs him, now more than ever." I looked over to Eric and Glenn. Somehow Glenn had managed to make Eric smile. The sight made a small smile play across my face. I knew I had to go, if only to look after Eric. If there was a chance that this JJ guy was our dad, then I needed to know. If it was Dad, then Eric deserved to know him. Rick was frowning.

"We need Glenn with us, he is good in these situations."

"Then we'll take Carl with us instead. I'm the only one you really need with you for this. If it is Dad, then he'll listen to me. Hopefully." Carl followed my eyes and looked at Eric and Glenn. Glenn now had his arm around Eric's shoulder. He seemed to be Eric's fatherly figure, Maggie like his motherly figure. I was just his annoying big sister, one that kept secrets from him. A fine example I was making.

"I'd be happy to go with you, Dad." Carl said, looking back at Rick. For a moment our leader didn't respond.

"Fine. Go get ready. We leave in a couple of hours."

"Right." I walked off, heading home to grab my pack and a couple of weapons.

* * *

I sat on my bed, shoving things in my pack. My sleeping bag, a change of clothes, a drink bottle. I paused when I spotted a photo that had fallen under my bed. Slowly I turned it over and looked at it. It was an old photo, creased at the corners. It was just a family portrait, nothing all that special, and yet it meant the world to me. Dad was in uniform, standing with his hand on Mum's shoulder. In Mum's arms sat a young Eric, an old ragged bear hugged to his chest, his thumb in his mouth. A young version of me was standing hugging my dad's leg, hair tied up in pigtails. I sighed, wishing that we could have had one last photo taken, a more recent one, not one from when I was nine. Dad had left just before my tenth birthday if I remembered correctly. I stood up and entered Eric's room, placing the photo on his pillow. He'd find it. If things went south I wanted him to know something about put parents, even if it was just what they looked like.

"Oi! Kid!" Daryl's voice carried up the stairs quite easily. I rolled my eyes and returned to my room long enough to pick up my pack before heading down the stairs.

"Yeah?" I asked, grabbing my knife and slipping it into its sheath on my hip, slipping my dad's old gun into the holster Rick had given me for it. Daryl held up his crossbow and looked at me thoughtfully before holding it and his quiver of arrows out to me. I looked from the crossbow to him, confused.

"Look after it." He grunted.

"You're lending it to me?"

"Yeah, lose it and I'll kill you. Get killed and lose it, I'll just kill you again. Understood?"

"Y-yeah... but why?"

"Does it matter? Just take it and get out of here kid." Hesitantly I reached out and took the crossbow, looking at Daryl as though he was just going to snatch it back.

"Thanks." I said, swinging it on my back with my pack and heading out past Daryl. He grabbed my arm and looked me in the eye.

"Look after yourself out there, OK?" I nodded. Did the rough tough Daryl have a soft spot for me? That would make no sense whatsoever, but at the same time it would explain why he was lending me his crossbow. What had I done to earn this? I wished I knew. He let go of my arm and I walked out the door.

"Ready?" Rick asked as I walked towards the small group. I nodded.

"Yep." He nodded and climbed into the farm ute they had for these kinds of occasions. I threw my pack up on the back and was helped up by Carl. Michonne was in the cab with Rick, Eugene and Maggie on the back with me and Carl. Five people facing who knew how many people, who knew where? We had no clue if we were going to be attacked by JJ's men or not, everything was hanging on me and if they picked up on me looking like him. We started moving and I looked at the retreating buildings of Alexandria. I saw Eric watching as I left, saw Glenn say something to him. He and Maggie had a rather touching farewell before that. I felt kinda bad for Glenn. He was being left with my ten year old brother, who was in a pissy mood because of what I had done. Eric broke into a run, evidently wanting to catch up with the ute. I looked down at Daryl's crossbow, not wanting to see him like this. He had to understand.

"You'll get back to him." Maggie said.

"One can only hope." I said, smiling at her slightly sadly. Eugene and I didn't really know each other. We could recognise each other but we had hardly talked. He nodded to me.

"How did he react when he found out you were coming with us?"

"Don't know. I didn't tell him."

"You didn't tell your own brother that you were leaving?" He looked at me incredulously.

"I don't think that it would have been the best idea. I think I might have hurt him when I told him a couple of certain things."

"He would have understood." Maggie said. I shrugged.

"Guess we'll never know," I turned to Carl, "Who's looking after Judith while you and Rick are out here?"

"Various people I think. Morgan, Glenn, a few others."

"Poor Glenn." I laughed. Maggie smiled.

"He'll live." She said.

"Hopefully." I grinned. Carl bumped against me and I looked at him.

"This is the most at ease you've been in a long time."

"I guess I just needed a break from the Reeves. I'll admit to being worried about leaving Eric with those beasts without me around, though."

"They won't try anything. Not with Daryl around," Maggie said, "They're scared of him."

"So they should be. Daryl's unpredictable and dangerous." Eugene said. I looked down at the crossbow in my lap. It was so out of character of him to even lend the bow to anyone. If you could marry an inanimate object, I swear Daryl would marry either this crossbow or his bike.

"Being scared of something can just make you all the more unpredictable." I muttered.

"Huh?"

"One of the things Dad taught me. Told me stories of how people had acted when he and his army mates had cornered them."

"He sounds like a smart man." Maggie said. I nodded.

"I suppose that just makes him all the more dangerous. Somehow he managed to get here from overseas, from the middle of a war zone. Well, if this guy is him. And he has past experience in this kind of thing."

"So does Dad. We'll be fine." Carl said. I didn't say anything.

 _Never underestimate your opponent. Do that and you will die. Overkill is better than being killed._


	10. Maven

_**Start of the outbreak**_

 _She watched as Josh went about, placing cans of food and water bottles in the cupboards in the walls of the basement. He was so organised, just like her dad was. It made her feel more at ease around him. Beside her, Eric twitched in his sleep. She smiled fondly at the boy curled up next to her and gave him a slight squeeze. He smiled and snuggled against her, sucking his thumb. She looked back at Josh as she stroked her younger brother's hair._

" _Were you in the army?" She asked suddenly. Josh looked over his shoulder at her, mildly surprised._

" _Yeah, I was. How'd you know?"_

" _Daddy was also in the army. He was always very strict about being organised." She explained. Josh smiled._

" _Heh, yeah. Sounds about right. Not everyone is like that though. When I was younger I wanted to be a policeman, but I decided that there were more important things than just keeping the streets safe. There were more people who needed help."_

" _Mum and Dad met when he was taken to hospital after a car accident. Mum was just learning to be a doctor at the time."_

" _How long was she a doctor for?"_

" _I don't know. All I know is that she kept having to leave us to go to the hospital. We had a nanny who didn't watch us properly, didn't even notice when Eric got sick." She looked at her little brother._

" _He's sick?"_

" _Not anymore. I phoned the hospital and they sent an ambulance to pick him up, but I couldn't go with him. They let Mum know and she met him at the hospital. They made him better."_

" _When was this?"_

" _I... I don't know. It feels like ages ago and yet it doesn't feel long ago at all." She chewed on her bottom lip, thinking. Josh shook his head._

" _Hey, it doesn't matter. He's alright now, yeah? Your mum wouldn't want you to think about these things. But it was very brave of you to call the ambulance when your nanny wouldn't. Use that bravery now, yeah? Do that and we'll get out of here." He smiled and she nodded._

" _Yeah."_

* * *

 _ **Now**_

We'd been driving for ages and my back was getting sore. Evidently I was growing again, growing always made my back get stiffer more easily. Maggie had somehow managed to fall asleep and I watched her enviously. What I wouldn't give to be able to catch up on some of my lost sleep. Eugene was looking around, evidently keeping watch, though a part of me doubted he'd spot anything, even if there was a gun pointed straight at his head. It was Daryl who spotted that kind of thing, by the sounds of it. Pitty he had been the one who got shot and so needed to rest. I couldn't tell if Carl was asleep or not; he'd covered his face with his hat. I smiled. It was so tempting to temporarily steal that hat, but I didn't. I had my beanie, that was all that mattered. I sighed and looked up the sky, bored. It was strange how the world could be going to hell and the sky wasn't in the least bit influenced as far as we knew. What had happened to planes? Had they fallen out of the sky, unable to be controlled because of rampaging walkers, or had they all landed and then everything went to hell because those on board were overwhelmed by walkers? What about ships? What had happened to them? Were there platforms of refugees out there? Could walkers swim? Could they drown? I didn't see how they could, they didn't need to breathe. They were already dead.

Just thinking about walkers, where there more ways to turn into one? I hoped not. But what about other animals? If, for example, an animal got bitten by a walker, let's just say a dog, for argument's sake, and managed to get away with only a single bite (Ha! That'd be a miracle), then would the dog become a walker itself, or would it just be a trap for a hungry traveller? I guessed there were some things that would remain a mystery. There were more important things to worry about than if a dog can or cannot become an undead, mindless monster straight from a horror movie. I absently whacked on the cab of the ute, getting Michonne's attention. She looked around at me.

"How much further are we going?" I asked. We weren't going too fast and they had the window down, so she could hear me well enough.

"It's a bit further." She said, turning back to watch the road. I sighed and leaned back against the side of the truck.

"Bored yet?" Carl asked. Evidently he wasn't asleep quite yet.

"Just a little. And stiff. Bit envious of Maggie. I never could go to sleep on a moving vehicle. Drove my parents half mad when I was a baby. I would cry because I was tired but I wouldn't sleep on a long car trip unless we pulled over. I'd go to sleep and they'd set off again. Half an hour later I'd wake up again, apparently," I shook my head, "I was a strange kid. Eric just spent his whole day sleeping. Most important thing in the world to him when he was a baby."

"You get bored much when he was a kid?"

"I was used to being an only kid. There is a roughly six year age difference between us. I was just happy that I had a little brother." I smiled at the memory, how excited I had been to meet him for the first time. Mum had smiled tiredly, probably proud of her new kid, at how happy I was to have a younger sibling. I had no clue at the time, and I didn't understand it as I sat in the back of the ute either, why she was so happy. Why'd want to have to push one of those things out? It'd be painful.

"How do you feel about Judith? She's a heck of a lot younger than you."

"She's my sister. She means a lot to me."

"You too proud to admit you love her?" I teased. He moved his hat back on top of his head and looked at me, shaking his head.

"Course I love her. She's my sister." He said.

"You didn't originally say that." I pointed out.

"Like you didn't originally say you loved Eric?"

"I would have thought that much was obvious," I said, rolling my eyes, "Shit!" I hissed, banging on the cabin of the ute again. Carl looked at the surrounding trees and spotted what had alarmed me so much, holding his gun at the ready. Despite having only one eye, he was a remarkably good shot. I held my hand up to stop him and shook my head. Michonne looked at me and I pointed at the people in the trees, tracking us with guns. One of them had a recurve bow.

"Stop the car." She said to Rick. I turned to Carl as he looked at me, mildly confused.

"We open fire on them and then we'll have no chance I'm guessing." I shrugged. Carl nodded. Evidently my explanation had made some sort of sense. The people came out from the shelter of the trees, though I doubted all of them came out. That would make no sense at all.

 _Never let your opponent see everything you have until completely necessary._

"Put the weapons down and get out of the vehicle." One man called out, pointing a rifle of some sort at my head. Other people were pointing their guns at my friends' heads. I looked at Carl, standing up with my hands up, showing them I meant no harm. They followed my example. Maggie had woken up in the commotion and she didn't look too impressed.

"Where is the point in removing our weapons? We wouldn't be able to kill many of you before you shot us all down." I called out. The man frowned, though I doubted he was thinking about what I said. I had purposefully spoken up, drawing attention to myself. I had to make sure everyone here survived. That's why I was here, wasn't it? Draw attention to myself so we would be taken to JJ.

"Should we get down?" I asked Carl. I trusted his judgement more than my own. He nodded and slowly we got down, Carl giving me a hand. Obviously he had seen how stiff I was acting.

"Thanks." I said, stepping forward and removing my beanie. The people surrounding us looked to their acting leader for orders, obviously recognising me. I never thought I would be so glad that I looked like my dad.

"What do we do, Maven?" One of them asked the guy acting as the boss.

"She looks like JJ." Another piped up. I nodded.

"Yep, that's what I heard. Mind if my friends and I met him? I have a couple of things that I would like to ask him." I said. Rick moved over to me.

"You think you can handle this?" He asked me, frowning. I shrugged.

"I think I'm handling it so far, should be able to keep it under control. But feel free to step in whenever you want." I muttered. He nodded.

"You'll have to ditch the weapons first." Maven said. I raised an eyebrow.

"Ah, yeah... right. Because Jedidiah would be soooo impressed if his daughter was taken to meet him as a prisoner." I called back. They froze, shocked looks on their faces. Rick's merry men and I held our breaths, not sure if I had mucked up or not.

"She knows his name..."

"Could she really be...?"

"She looks right to be related to him." The mutterings continued and I relaxed again. I hadn't mucked up, and evidently it was my dad. I doubted there were many Jedidiah's that I looked like out there, doubted that many would still be alive if there had been in the first place. Maven slowly lowered his rifle and handed it to a man behind him, stepping forward, stopping halfway between us and them. He nodded.

"I would like to talk to you on good terms." He said to me. I frowned and handed Daryl's crossbow to Carl. He looked at me like I was insane.

"You're actually going to talk to him?"

"I have back up." I murmured back to him. I hadn't removed my knife, hiding it under Mum's coat as I slipped my hand gun out of its holster and handed it over to Carl as well. I stepped forward and Michonne grabbed my arm. I looked at her.

"Be careful." She said. I nodded.

"You don't need to tell me twice." I said as I continued over to Maven. I stopped before him, arms folded. He looked me up and down, making me feel uncomfortable. Sometimes being a teenage girl in this world was a very awkward experience, but I took this opportunity to see if I could work out this guy's weaknesses if everything fell apart. Obvious weakness is obvious. He looked quite strong, so I had better watch out for that. Speed would quite possibly be my best weapon against him.

"What's your name?" He asked.

"Alexandra Jameson. Yours?"

"Kurt Maven. You say you're JJ's daughter?"

"You're the ones who told me I look like him. It isn't too hard to out two and two together, is it?"

"For some people it would be."

"Well, I'm not 'some people'." I held his cold blue eyes, unflinching. He smirked.

"I like you, Alexandra." He said. I knew what he meant. He did seem like that kind of person, a man who wouldn't stop at anything to get what he wanted. Before everything went to hell he was probably in prison for sexually abusing young children. My face was a blank canvass. I didn't want him to know what I was thinking. He took a step closer and I took a quick step backwards. He laughed and I felt my jaw clench, my hands bunching into fists. I wanted nothing more than to bash this guy's head in, but I didn't. If he made a move on me then Rick would probably point a gun at his head. It made me feel safer, though not by much.

"Will you take us to meet JJ?" I asked. Maven thought for a moment, smiling slightly.

"Perhaps. If there was something in it for me."

"What's in it for you is you won't lose your balls. How does that sound?" I asked. He grinned.

"Firey girl, aren't you? Wonder how things are beneath..." he reached out , brushing his hand against my collar bone. I rolled my eyes and grabbed his hand, bending his fingers uncomfortably far back. He yelped in pain and I managed to force him to his knees, giving me the upper hand.

"Never... try that again. I doubt that Jedidiah would appreciate you making a move on his daughter. Now, as far as I can see things, you don't actually have a choice in taking us to see him. Because if he were to find out that you had found me and didn't tell him, then you'd be in trouble. If you made a move on me, he would be equally unimpressed. So, from my perspective, the best thing you could do for yourself would be taking us to see him." I looked up and scowled, drawing my knife and throwing it past recurve bow dude's head. He looked around at the walker that was just falling to the ground, fear in his eyes.

"We'd better get moving before more of them arrive." Michonne said. The rest of my friends nodded as I crossed over to the guy with the recurve and collected my knife from the walker's head. It amazed me that I had managed to throw my knife that accurately. Rick wouldn't let it slide any time soon. Seemed like I would have another weapon to practice with.


	11. Jedidiah's Daughter

"Wait here." Our guide – not Maven – said as he entered a room on the side of the hallway we were in. I looked around as I leaned against the wall lazily.

"How could you have been so reckless?" He hissed to me. I looked at him in surprise.

"How was that reckless? I'm sure you've done a hell of a lot worse."

"She has a point, Dad."

"Stay out of this Carl."

"So, what? You think you can tell me off for getting us in here? I'm sorry, Grimesy, but... where is the logic in that?" I shrugged. He glared at me.

"You put yourself in a dangerous position."

"And I handled it! Sure, everything could have gone south, but it didn't. And we're about to see JJ. About other find out who he is. And if he is my dad, like we suspect, then you can stop acting like you care about what happens to me." I muttered, looking at the door as it opened. I didn't know what made me say that last part to Rick, it was rather uncalled for, but I supposed that everything was catching up with me again. Eric not talking to me, just about having what little dignity I had taken away from me by some freak who seemed to have a thing for teenage girls.

"He will see you." Our guide said. I nodded and headed in, followed by everyone else, but our guide stopped them. I turned around to see what the problem was.

"Ah, why are you stopping them?" I asked.

"He said he would only see the one who claimed to be his daughter." Our guide said.

"What?" Maggie said. I shrugged.

"I'll be fine. You guys just sit tight."

"Alex!" Rick called. I turned at face him.

"Don't bother, Grimesy. See you soon." I walked down another hallway and eventually reached the room where a man was sitting with his back to me. I cleared my throat and the chair slowly turned around, the way it did in movies when you met the boss of the evil corporation. Foreshadowing, much?

"Step forward." He said, beckoning. I couldn't see him face, it was in shadow. It gave me the creeps. Slowly I walked forward into a patch of light so he could see me better. There was silence and then he stood up from his chair, walking over to me. He was far taller than me, and his build a lot stronger. And now I could make out his face and I froze. Despite the fact that we had thought he was my dad, making it a reality had a bigger effect on me than I thought it would. He smiled and pulled me into a hug, one that I returned.

"Thank God you're alright." He murmured into my hair. I nodded silently. I didn't trust my voice, didn't know what I was feeling, didn't know how to act. He pushed me back to look in my face again, smiling. He cupped my cheek in his hand and it took all my self control to not draw away from him. This wasn't what I was used to. I forced a slight smile onto my face and reached up to wipe a tear from his cheek. It felt wrong for me to be doing this. I wasn't his daughter anymore. I didn't feel anything for him. But I was here for Eric more than anything. He deserved to meet his dad.

"Eric's aright too." I said. Dad froze, seeming surprised. That in itself confused me.

"Well, where is he?"

"Safe. Why didn't you try to find us after the outbreak?" I asked.

"I did! I really did, but when I saw how overrun the city was with those things, I thought that you and your brother would be dead, that your mum would be dead. Where is she, anyway? Is she with Eric?" I frowned and stepped back, "Alex? What's wrong?"

"You should have asked about her and Eric. You didn't. You waited for me to bring Eric up. Why? Why didn't you look more thoroughly? Rick at least looked for his wife and Carl. You didn't. You just buggered off when you saw how dangerous the city was. Why?"

"I kept searching for you, I really did. I hoped that you had found a way out of the city and thought that if you were in the city then you were dead. I'm sorry, I should have looked."

"If you had then things wouldn't have ended the way they did."

"What happened?" He asked. I frowned, thinking that somehow he probably already knew.

"Mum died." Was all I said. He didn't apart quite as I expected a man who just found out his wife was dead would. He just looked slightly upset and nodded.

"I thought as much."

"You don't seem that effected by the news." I said, slightly accusingly.

"It was a long time ago."

"She was your wife! If you ever loved her, you would still care, no matter how long ago she died."

"I have more important things to think about right now." He moved to cup my cheek in his hand again, but I flinched out of his reach.

"No. I'm sorry, but I've been through too much to just let you back into my life. If Rick allows it, you can meet Eric. You might have better luck with him. I know he was always your favourite," I turned to leave, but stopped when he started laughing, "What's so funny?"

"Getting permission might be a little hard when your friends have been apprehended."

"What?!" I whirled around and glared at him in disbelief. He smirked.

"There was a reason that I wanted you here on your own. That way I could take your friends and use them against you."

"I didn't think you would sink that low. What do you want?"

"My children back." Was all he said. I scowled at him.

"Yeah, like that is gonna happen."

"I have your friends."

"For how long? You don't know what they are capable of."

"I can keep them here for as long as I want."

"You also don't know what I am capable of. You can meet Eric, try and form a relationship with him. Eventually you might be able to have a relationship with me again as well, but I need time. I just found out that you aren't dead. Let them go. That would be a good start."

"I shall think about it. In the mean time, make yourself at home. Maybe find yourself a room for if you and Eric move here." I nodded and turned, leaving the room. First things first, locate our weapons, then find Rick and the others.

* * *

"Alex!" Maggie called quietly when she spotted me. I jogged down the stairs, Daryl's crossbow in my hand. I had been looking for these guys for a bit over two hours, showing me just how big this place was, how many people there were. I stopped in front of the door and looked through the glass. This place reminded me of a school, which is possibly what it had been in a past life.

"Everyone in there?" I asked. Maggie nodded in answer.

"Rick ain't in too good shape."

"What happened?" I asked as I bent down to look at the door handle closer, inspecting the key hole.

"The bastards got the jump on us once you were gone. Tried fighting them off, but Rick got hit in the head pretty hard."

"Man, I feel bad. It's my fault." I muttered.

"No, it's not your fault. You didn't knock him in the head."

"No, but I may as well have. I said horrible things to him and then left you all to fend for yourselves."

"You didn't know what was going to happen."

"I should have!" I stood up so I could look Maggie in the eye, "Jedidiah is my dad, I should have know what he was capable of. I guess part of me wanted him to be the guy I thought he was." I stepped back, turning around as someone came down the stairs. They looked at me in alarm and moved to hit the fire alarm, but I shot them once through the head. They collapsed to the ground and I scowled, quickly reloading Daryl's crossbow. I walked over to him and found some keys, holding them up so Maggie could see them. I also grabbed a gun from the body before heading back to get my friends out of their prison.

"Hey, Grimesy, you able to walk?" I asked. Rick looked at me and Carl slowly helped him to his feet.

"Yeah. It's just a bump."

"Doesn't look like it's just a bump. You look like you've been to hell and back." I said, stepping forward and handing the gun to Carl, "Look, I didn't mean what I said to you earlier. You were just looking out for me, and that is more than Jedidiah ever did."

"Hey, it's OK." Rick said, clapping me on the shoulder.

"You can talk about it when we get out of here." Michonne said from the doorway.

"You know where their armoury is?" Eugene asked. I rolled my eyes and held up Daryl's crossbow so for him to look at.

"No, I just wished this to me out of thin air." I said, my voice thick with sarcasm.

"Hey, you don't need to give me a stupid answer."

"Then don't ask a stupid question. Come on. Eugene, help Rick. Carl, can you watch our backs? You're the only other person with a weapon currently." I said, taking the lead. Carl nodded. I left the room, followed by Maggie, then Eugene and Rick, Michonne, and lastly Carl. I never would have thought that I would end up leading the group, no matter how temporarily. Damn my dad. Wasn't this world complicated enough without my dad wanting to worm his way back into my life? I mean, sure, I had gone to him, but it was Rick that was supposed to be dealing with him, not me. He'll, I was only there so we weren't killed on sight. I paused, checking the way was clear. Evidently Michonne could tell what was making me hesitate.

"Hey, this isn't on you."

"Yeah, so Maggie said earlier. What is it about you people and saying what someone else has already said?" I sighed, "Look, let's just get out of here. Talk about it later if we must." I started moving again, shooting someone in the head as they came towards us.

"You didn't need to kill them!"

"Yeah, I did. More I kill now, less we'll have to deal with when they decide to attack Alexandria."

"What?"

"Another conversation we can save for later. In there." I pointed to a door and everyone hurried in. The armoury. I was last in with Carl, and turned around with arms spread out wide and a smug look on my face. All of a sudden I could see what Carl had meant when he said I had changed. I wasn't as nice as I was. My skin was a lot tougher, metaphorically speaking. I realised I hadn't had an asthma attack in ages. How come, I wondered. I didn't think that asthma had anything to do with psychology. They looked at me incredulously.

"Help yourselves." I said.

"Since when have you been such a smooth infiltrator?" Carl asked me as he grabbed his old gun and ammo. I shrugged and walked over to the recurve bow and a supply of arrows. For some reason there were extra crossbow bolts too. I took the recurve and the arrows, including the bolts for the crossbow.

"I was in the city, remember? Had to find my way out of many a tight spot. This is just like old times for me."

"You used to live like this?" Rick asked, leaning against the wall. I frowned. It was more than just his head bothering him. What was up with his leg? Looked twisted. No wonder he couldn't walk or stand properly. Why hadn't I realized that sooner?

"No other choice, really. Well, plenty of choices, but no good ones." I threw a gun to Eugene, who fumbled to catch it. Had he always been this hopeless? Michonne smiled slightly and sheathed her sword on her back.

"Yeah, that's right, laugh at me why don't you..."

"Grow up, Eugene. But ah... you do know how to use that thing, right?" I asked. He gave me a death stare and I grinned.

"Alex, stop stirring up trouble." Carl said before heading over to the door.

"Yes, _Dad_." I rolled my eyes and joined him after grabbing a few throwing knives. These guys had everything you could ever ask for. It was like weapon paradise. Carl shook his head and I raised an eyebrow, smiling ever so slightly, daring him to say something about it. He didn't, just shook his head and looked out the door. Did him only having one eye ever annoy him? Questions for later. Or not. I suspected that could be counted as a rude question. How'd he lose it anyway?

"You guys ready?" I asked, looking back at the others. Eugene didn't look to impressed about a couple of kids being in charge, but Maggie and Michonne didn't seem too bothered by it. Technically speaking they'd probably do a better job, but if they didn't agree with something, they'd speak up and I knew it.

"Leaving so soon?" Jedidiah came from the back of the room and I looked at him like he was some sort of freak that could walk through walls. I drew back the bow string, arrow in place, aiming for his head. But I was shaking. Could I do it? Kill my own dad? The others were pointing various weapons at him, too. Carl, Eugene, Rick, and Maggie pointing guns, Michonne with her sword at the ready. And all my dad did was smile.

"Well isn't this cosy?"

* * *

 **Author's note: Sorry for any mistakes. Might add some stuff and fiddle around with this chapter later, fix mistakes, that kind of thing. I've been a bit slack recently, despite sorta being on time, haven'the really got the chapters prepared before hand. Anyhow, hope it wasn't too bad. :)**


	12. Loopy

"Who the hell are you?" Maggie asked. Evidently Rick was still not with it, or those would have been his words. My dad smiled and I scowled.

"Come on, guys. I would have thought that was obvious." I muttered, lowering my bow. I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill my own dad. And I knew it would bite me in the butt.

"You're Jedidiah Jameson?" Rick said, rather incredulously. I shook my head. Sure, it was gloomy in the room, but still. It was easy to make out how similar we looked. He smiled.

"That's me. I see my daughter helped you to get out."

"Why wouldn't she?" Michonne asked, frowning slightly, though half the time I could swear that was the usual expression on her face. I shook my head again and took a step forward.

"Jedidiah wants me to stay here with him. Move here. With Eric. Live as one happy family again." I explained. I could feel everyone looking at me, knew that they didn't want to believe what they were hearing. I shook my head and looked at the ground. This was a dumb idea. Why did I have to agree to this? Why didn't I argue against it more?

"What?" That was Carl. I didn't look at him, just shook my head.

"If you think that I would just drop everything here and now, then you evidently don't know me too well. Been through too much to just trust him."

"Now that's just sad. Not trust your own dear daddy? Whatever happened to my little girl? The one who told me that no matter what, she would always love me."

"Now, I'm not much of one to swear, but ah..." I looked him in the eye, "Her fuck wit dad left her and her brother to fend for themselves. Oh, and he sliced her back open on multiple occasions. You know, that kind of thing. Kinda makes one rethink one's priorities. Especially when one's dad goes and uses one's friends against one."

"That is a lot of 'one's."

"For once in your life take things seriously, Jedidiah." I spat. He tutted.

"My own daughter calling me by my first name? Would it really kill you to call me 'Dad'?"

"You haven't earned it." I hissed.

"Let me put it this way... call me Jedidiah again and your friends will all be killed." He smiled innocently and I scowled. All this because I wasn't calling him 'Dad'? Man, I hoped I wasn't that insane.

"Look here, _Dad_ , you want to have build a relationship with me and Eric? Like I said earlier, letting them go would be a good place to start. Pitty you seem a little too insane to realise that. What happened to you? You used to be a man who I could respect at the very least. Now I just feel sorry for you, I can't understand you anymore." He stepped forward, towering above me, and the next thing I knew his hand was clenched around my throat. I dropped the bow and started scratching at his hand, trying to make him let go. I couldn't breathe and I felt the asthma starting to kick in. Of all the goddamned times for me to have an attack!

"Stop! Let her go, can't you see you're strangling her?" Carl yelled. Go Carl. Tell this son of a bitch. Not that he'll listen to you, I was smart enough to piss him off, smart enough to insult him. I stopped scratching his hand and slowly dropped my arm to my side, concentrating as much as I could on trying to force air into my lungs, past my dad's hand and my asthma. I felt my hand clutching around a knife. My dad just smiled and took it off me.

"Don't interfere with my teaching methods, boy. This has nothing to do with you. It is just a small family matter."

"No parent should teach their child like that." Maggie scolded. I closed my eyes. The world around me had started fading out, and I didn't want to see that. Jedidiah, as far as I knew, took no notice of what she had said. I screwed up my face and used what little strength I had left to kick out at him, making him double over in pain. Obvious weakness is obvious. I stumbled backwards, forcing what air I could into my lungs. I felt hands pulling backwards and opened my eyes, Carl and Rick standing in front of me. Woo! Go the Grimes family! I struggled to my feet, Michonne helping me up. I rubbed my neck gingerly. Man, I was going to have an impressive bruise. Maggie handed me the bow I had dropped and I nodded in thanks.

"Where's your inhaler?" Michonne asked. I pointed to my bag on the floor. Where else would I have put my inhaler? But I was getting the feeling that my inhaler was actually empty. She handed me the inhaler and I shook it, silently cursing as I shook my head.

"Empty." I wheezed.

"Shit." Michonne said. Maggie stepped forward.

"Your daughter has asthma. Surely you know that?"

"What kind of parent doesn't know when their child has asthma?" He asked.

"Her inhaler is empty. We're in the middle of the goddamned apocalypse, and you go and strangle her?!"

"How would strangulation set of asthma?"

"Fear." I scowled, trying to calm my breathing. Jedidiah frowned, moving to take a step forward. The sound of four guns being prepared to fire made me smile. It felt good, despite not being able to breathe.

"You just stay right there and we won't have any problems." Rick said.

"Anyway more problems." I corrected. Rick turned and looked at me and I shrugged. He wasn't in the best condition and I was currently having an asthma attack after being strangled. Not to mention that I had pretty much undertaken a prison break for them, and we were having a face off with my dad. Things were looking pretty shit. I stood up straight and pointed Daryl's crossbow at my dad. I would have used my bow, but I realised I didn't really know how to shoot it. Sure, shooting a bow isn't rocket science, but you still need technique. At least I had technique and ability to shoot Daryl's crossbow. I attempted to steady my breathing and pulled the trigger. Jedidiah cried out in pain as he collapsed to the ground, clutching his knee. I smirked.

"My dad used to be an explorer. Then he took an arrow to the knee." I said. Sure, there is a time and a place for those kinds of jokes, and this probably wasn't it, but I could hardly resist. It was just begging to be said.

"Let's go!" Rick said, taking control again. Eugene still helped him to walk, but at least it seemed like he could think straight again. Maggie helped me along and Michonne took the front, Carl once again bringing up the rear as we made our way out of the building, me pointing which turns to take. Somehow, by some miracle, we managed to escape without a hitch past the massive one we had already encountered.

"Your dad is a real piece of work." Carl said once we were in the back of the ute once more. I nodded, regaining the ability to breathe properly once more.

"No kidding."

* * *

"I can't sit around and do nothing!" Rick raged once we had gotten back and someone had looked at his leg. I smiled, highly amused, laughing quietly to myself. Carl looked just as amused as I was, and Daryl was laughing. Rick almost seemed to be a worse patient than Daryl, and that was saying something.

"You can and you will. That leg needs to heal." The woman said. She actually was a nurse, had arrived while we were out. Maybe my medical career could really kick off, now. Maybe I could be taught some proper stuff. Rick glared at each of us in turn before trying to jump off the bed.

"See? I'm perfectly – shit!" I burst out laughing as he pretty much collapsed on the floor, Carl going to help the new woman get Rick back on the bed. Rick glared at me.

"You think this is funny, do ya? You with the fricken satellite dish."

"At least I'll lose the satellite dish before you can walk again." I quipped, grinning. It didn't look that much like a satellite dish, but I was having to wear a padded neck brace for a little while. Something about wanting to make sure I didn't make things worse. Didn't see how I could, but who was I to argue? At any rate, I loved turtle necks when I was a kid.

"Stop encouraging each other, you two." The nurse said, smiling. I mock saluted with two fingers.

"Yes, ma'am. What's your name, anyway?"

"Kirsty. It's good to meet you." She shook my hand gently. I hated shaking hands with people who had limp handshakes, though I supposed that they didn't realise that it felt like trying to hold onto a fish that was really keen on escaping. Or an eel, slick and slippery... I hated eels. Something about them gave me the creeps.

"When do I get to go back to working?" Daryl asked. By the sounds of things he had been bored stiff waiting around without us. Kirsty shook her head.

"You still need to rest, Mr Dixon." I laughed, not believing what I was hearing. I had never heard someone talk to Daryl so formally, so calmly! So... gently. It was weird as hell. Daryl glared me and I looked at him in amused bewilderment. Carl and Rick looked equally amused. Daryl scowled.

"This... is... amazing." I said, leaning back in my chair, hands behind my head.

"If you don't hold your tongue your dad won't be the only one to strangle you today." He muttered darkly. I shrugged.

"Ha, yeah. Coz it's not like there's a rather attractive woman keeping an eye on you and two blokes, though I suppose you can remove Grimesy from the equation. He is a tad useless at the moment, isn't he?"

"That's right, keep rubbing it in." Rick sighed, not seeming to notice the shade of red Daryl was turning. I laughed. What the hell had that woman given me? I was as loopy as my dad! Carl shook his head. Evidently he was having a hard time keeping up with how my mind was currently working. Completely understandable. I was having trouble keeping on –

"Anyone miss ice cream? Right now I would love ice cream." I said. Daryl snorted.

"I'd hate to see that kid drunk." He said.

"Why would you see Alex drunk?" We all looked at Eric, standing in the doorway. When had he gotten there? He was magic! He could appear out of thin air!

"Now might not be the best time for you to come in here." Carl said, walking over to Eric.

"Why? I want to see Alex."

"I'm a bit crazy at the moment. Kirsty gave me drugs of some description and now I am an utter nutcase." I said.

"She doesn't need to say that twice. What did you give her anyway?" Rick asked. Kirsty shrugged, smiling slightly.

"Just some painkillers. For her neck."

"Why didn't you give Dad any?"

"You want an insane Grimesy around the place? At least I can't walk on my neck." I pointed out. Eric was looking at me, utterly bewildered. He walked past Carl and sat on my lap and Carl just went and leaned against the wall. I watched as Eric gently touched my neck brace.

"Why are you wearing this?" He asked. I thought for a moment.

"Because we're trying to see –"

"Because she got hurt." Daryl cut in, rather gruffly. I rolled my eyes.

"Ruin all my fun, why don't you?"

"The kid should know." He said. I nodded as best I could with my neck as restricted as it was.

"Good point. Should we tell him about the rest of it too?"

"Did you find Dad?" He asked. I indicated to him with a 'yup, should we tell him about that?' kind of look. Daryl sighed. He was such a grumpy guy and at that moment I was finding it really fun to just wind him up. I suspected he knew that, too, which was why he was trying so hard to be more patient with me.

"She going to remember this?" Rick asked Kirsty.

"I hope so. That would be amazing." Carl said, grinning. I snorted.

"For who? I'll probably die of embarrassment. Not literally, no." I added, for Eric's benefit. He gave me a death stare.

"Obviously. If you could die of embarrassment you would have died several times by now." He snarled. I grinned.

"You have a point there."

"Now did you find Dad?"

"Yeah, uh... I might not be the best person to tell you about that right at this moment. Drugs effecting my brain and making me go loopy. Don't think I would give the most accurate explanation of events. Who wants to tell the story? Not Grimesy, because... well, I don't want him to."

"Thanks for that." Rick looked confused and I mock saluted.

"Any time. Now then, Daryl and Kirsty weren't there. Michonne, Eugene and Maggie aren't currently here... Hey, Carl! Guess what! It's story time!"

"Gee, thanks." Carl muttered.

"Have fun."

"How exactly am I supposed to tell a ten year old about what happened?" Carl asked me. I shrugged.

"That's kinda why I passed the job on." I said.

"He's your brother."

"Yep. And I am currently pretty much as high as the sky. Remind me never to say that kind of thing again."

"I really wish I had a video camera right now." Daryl joked. I poked my tongue out at him and looked back at Carl.

"Just tell him what happened."

"But how am I supposed to put it in a way that won't make things worse?"

"They found your dad and he tried to strangle your sister when they tried to leave." Daryl cut in.

"Not like that!" I said. Eric was looking at me in horror.

"Kid needed to know and you lot weren't going to tell him any time soon."

"Alright, point taken." I held my hands up in defeat and looked at Eric. He looked utterly horrified and I expected him to faint at any moment. First his sister kills three men, then his dad is alive, and now his dad is an insane nutcase who tried to kill his sister. Man, his world was being turned upside down right now, wasn't it? On the bright side he was actually talking to me again, actually seemed to care about me. I sighed and took his hand, entwining my fingers in his.

"It's not as bad as it sounds."

"How is it not as bad as it sounds? He strangled you!'

"Ah... yeah, but he didn't want me to leave and I was kinda... um... I was egging him on. I was stirring up trouble."

"But he strangled you!"

"It's not the worst he's ever done to me."

"What?"

"Damn these drugs... um, could we have this conversation later? When I ain't as insane?" I asked. Eric nodded and curled up, leaning against me and looking out at everyone else. I wrapped my arms around him so he wouldn't fall off and sighed, thinking. A dangerous past time for someone whose brain was not working properly.

"Well, that went well." Rick said. I nodded.

"Extremely." Eric and I said at the same time. I grinned. I had the best little brother in the world.

Or was that just the drugs talking?

* * *

 **Author's note: I just had to twist that Skyrim quote to fit it. Hope you enjoyed it. :D**


	13. Mark my words

_Josh collapsed on the ground, panting heavily and covering the side of his neck up. She looked at him, worried, and hurried over to help him, but he held his blood covered hand up and shook his head._

 _"Don't come near me unless you're willing to kill me." He forced out, pushing his pack nearer to her. She frowned, confused._

 _"Are you OK?"_

 _"Do I LOOK like I'm OK? I got bitten, alright?! I fffff... It's OK, it's OK," He slowly stood up and looked her in the eye, seeming to reach a decision, "Alex, I need you to do something for me, alright? Now, you got to be brave for me, alright?" She nodded fearfully. She didn't know what was going on. How was she supposed to understand? Josh wasn't acting right. He was scaring her. He pulled out a gun and held it out to her. She stumbled backwards, not wanting to touch the thing. Josh's eyes held a pleading note._

 _"Alex, I don't want to turn into one of those things. And I will. If I am not shot in the head, then I will turn into one of those monsters."_

 _"I can't kill a friend." She said, shaking her head. Josh's arm fell to his side helplessly._

 _"Don't you see? I'm already dead." He moved his collar away so she could see the bite in his neck, horrible and bloody. She gasped, falling backwards and scrambling away. Josh closed his eyes, not wanting to cry. He was a soldier. He was meant to look death in the eye with dignity. But he wasn't. He was terrified._

 _"Please, Alex."_

 _"I... I can't. I'm too scared to. I don't want to kill anyone. And you can't kill someone who is already dead. God says that it's not right, killing people or or or... or that taking your own life is a sin." Josh laughed slightly, tears shining in his unkempt facial hair._

 _"I don't want to die, Alex. I just don't want you to die, either. And about the only way I can protect you now is if I die."_

 _"But you can't die! You can't leave us! Don't go like Mum did!" She cried, scrambling forward. Josh shook his head and hauled himself to his feet, slowly staggering away._

 _"I have to protect you. Look after yourself, yeah? You and your brother."_

 _"Josh!" She cried out again as the door shut behind him. The there was silence. Somehow her little brother had managed to sleep through the whole thing._

* * *

The bed moved beneath me, waking me up. I sighed and looked behind me at Eric as he crawled under the blankets next to me.

"Hey, kid. You alright?" I asked. Without the drugs in my system I was normal again, if not a little tired. My neck was sore, too, but that was hardly a surprise. Eric pulled the blankets up to his chin, lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling.

"You said that... that strangling you wasn't the worst thing Dad had ever done to you. What did you mean?"

"Can't that wait until I'm actually awake?"

"Please, tell me now." Eric sounded scared and I sighed, rubbing my face.

"Dad was a good man. It's just that his temper could get away from him on occasion. Only when the PTSD was at its worst and he was extremely drunk. When that happened he'd use me to test how sharp the kitchen knives were."

"If he did that, then how can you say he was a good man?" Eric asked in a small voice.

"Because he never touched you or Mum. Only me. And if he was hurting me, then he wasn't hurting you. You never had to live with the consequences. And he was always really apologetic afterwards."

"But he cut you. Aren't you angry about that?"

"Where's the point? Getting angry would only make things worse. Like it did today," I rolled over so I could look in Eric's face, "Get some sleep. I should imagine that you have some plans to concoct with Glenn and Maggie, don't you?" I asked, gently brushing his hair from his eyes. He yawned.

"How can I sleep when I know these things about Dad?"

"He'd never hurt you, Eric, and I can look after myself. Don't worry about it." I wrapped my arms around him and went back to sleep like that. I didn't know when Eric fell asleep. Probably at a similar time.

* * *

I was sitting on a swing chair and watching everyone pass by, annoyed and rather reckless. Now I knew how Daryl felt. He was nearby, lying on the grass with a book over his face. A vaguely surprising sight, he wasn't the kind of man I could imagine reading all that often. Probably why he was asleep as opposed to reading. Rick was sitting with Judith, playing with her, keeping her occupied. It was quite a cute sight. Eric was following Glenn and Maggie around as they went about their work. Kinsey was standing in the doorway of the infirmary, and I could tell her eye was on Daryl. Somewhere in the back of my mind I started wondering what had happened to actually make them notice each other. It was a nice day, or as nice as a day can be with the threat of being erased from the earth at any moment. It got a heck of a lot worse when I spotted Macy Reeves fluttering her eyelashes at Carl. I scowled. I knew I was seeming like I was jealous or something like that, but I wasn't. I couldn't look at Carl that way, I would just like to say that right now. He was more like a brother to me than anything else. Best friend/brother. It was just that I despised Macy Reeves and didn't want her anywhere near Carl. I didn't trust her. I got up and went inside the house. Someone had been baking recently and Rick had told me to help myself to a cookie or two. I picked one off the counter and started eating it. It wasn't as good as I remembered my Mum's baking being, but with the limited supplies we had, that was forgivable. Besides, nothing could beat chocolate chip cookies, not even... whatever this was. I sighed and sat down at the table, looking at the map spread out on its surface.

"Huh, I didn't know there was a river there..." I muttered as I leaned over it. It was a reasonable distance away, but if I wanted I could run there. It'd be a hard run, but I could manage it. I smiled, shaking my head. I'd never need to get there. There was no reason I would. Alexandria was about the safest place on the planet, or at least as safe as any other safe haven. It's defences were top notch. I wondered when I'd get a go at watch duty.

"Hey, feeling any less crazy than you were yesterday?" Carl asked. I darted a look at him and shrugged.

"I suppose. Neck hurts a fair bit more though, but whatever. Won't kill me. Macy is more likely to do that." I grumbled the last part. Carl frowned slightly.

"What?"

"I warn you lot over and over again about them, about how dangerous those bastards are, and yet..." I shook my head and sighed, "None of you listen to me."

"They only act nastily towards you."

"So now you're pinning this on me? Terrific."

"I never said that."

"You hinted at it." I didn't look at him. I thought I could trust him. Was I wrong? What was it about everyone I trusted that made them either die or betray me in one form or another? Or I ended up stabbings them in the back, as seemed to be the case with Eric.

"What brought this on?" Carl asked.

"Well, considering that I'm on strict orders to rest, I was resting, spotted you and Macy talking. Quite frankly I feel like that whole family has been too quiet recently."

"Don't you think you're being a little... paranoid?"

"Why would I be paranoid? I mean, it's not like they tricked my brother into leaving the safety of the walls. It's not like they tried to bash my head in or anything. You saw them do that, Carl. Why are you taking their side in this?"

"How do you know they haven't changed?"

"That is no answer."

"Neither's that."

"A leopard doesn't change its spots. Those people still hate my guts."

"Why do they hate you?"

"If you find the answer to that question, please, let me know!" I scowled. My neck hurt, my head hurt, and I was tired. I shook my head and rubbed my eyes, wishing that this wasn't happening. Unfortunately, wishes didn't seem to have a habit of coming true.

"I just wish I knew what they were up to. Hell, I broke Trent's nose. You really think they would just let that slide? You seem pretty buddy buddy with Macy. Do you get the impression that they would just let something like that go?"

"Not really."

"Exactly. They're up to something. I know it. And someday they're going to do something to get at me that's going to put everyone at risk. Mark my words."


	14. No walk in the park

My neck felt weird when my satellite dish was removed. I pulled a face and rubbed my neck, looking at the lovely bruise on it in the mirror that Kirsty handed to me. I sighed and shrugged.

"Could have been worse, I suppose. I just don't think yellow is quite my colour." I handed the mirror back to her and she smiled.

"You still have to take it easy."

"Hey, I've survived worse than this. Don't worry about it," I pushed myself off the bed and started heading for the door, turning around and looking at her, "Where did you get all this stuff anyway? We didn't have it before you were here. I should know, I had to take stock of everything we had in the way of medical supplies." Kirsty smiled secretively.

"I had it with me when I came here. We found it ages ago."

"We?"

"My husband and I. He's dead. So our are our little girls." She said it with little sadness, something that really got to me. How much had she lost that she seemed so numb about losing her family? It hit me more than the things that had happened to me in the past. At least I could still feel emotions and sadness and all that. Only thing she seemed able to feel was... well, whatever she felt for Daryl.

"I... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

"You weren't to know." Kirsty looked at her hands, clasped daintily in front of her. I chewed my bottom lip and nodded, leaving the infirmary. I had hardly stepped out the door when Macy and Trent took me by each arm and started guiding me away.

"Hello, Alex!" Macy chirped. I tried to pull away, but stopped when I felt something jab me in the ribs. I looked at Trent, loathing in my eyes. Of course, there was no proof, but it felt suspiciously like a gun that was being pressed against my ribs.

"What do you want?"

"We have a little something we want to show you." Macy smiled innocently and I felt like pushing her, maybe giving her and Trent matching noses.

"There are easier ways to show me something than kidnapping me at gunpoint." I muttered. If no one noticed this, then they were all insane. Everyone here should know that the Reeves and I hated each other. Why was no one stepping in? I looked around, trying to find anyone who might be willing to step in. Where were Daryl or Rick when you needed them?! Macy made tutting noises and shook her head, that stupid smile still plastered to her face.

"We aren't kidnapping you! We're escorting you!"

"Right. With a gun rammed into my ribs. That makes me feel so trusting." I spat, trying to wrench my arms away from the Reeves' hold.

"Try that again and I will shoot." Trent smiled, though it ended up looking more like a grimace due to his crooked nose. I scowled.

"You know, you should really get that nose fixed. Makes you look even uglier than you already were."

"You little bitch." He hissed. I smirked.

"You know, people call me that so often that I should just have my name changed to Bitch. It'd make life so much easier, don't you think?"

"You think you're so smart, don't you?"

"No, it's just that you're stupid." I smiled at him sweetly and got punched in the gut for my insolence.

"Enough! We don't want to draw attention to ourselves!" Macy hissed. I laughed. Well, it came out more as a wheeze. Trent wasn't weak, so he had managed to wind me pretty thoroughly.

"And you think acting all buddy bud with me won't draw attention? Man, you guys are idiot." Trent went to hit me again, but Macy stopped him, glaring at him quietly, then she helped me to stand up straight. I glared at her, then continued to stumble along. Why was no one noticing how strange this was? Why was no one noticing that these two half wits were acting friendly towards me? Was I honestly doomed? They forced me up the steps to their house and closed the door behind them.

"Take her to the basement." Their mum said. The twins just stood there, expressionless as always, watching me. I was so screwed. Trent and Macy nodded and forced me down the steps to the basement, me struggling the whole time. I managed to make Trent drop his gun and head butted him, feeling something crack again. Had I just smashed his nose? Man, I was not being very nice to the poor guy. He clutched his nose while his mum grabbed the back of my neck and squeezed lightly. Even that little pressure made me screw my face up in pain.

"Behave. Understand?" I nodded and she released me, moving past me to open the door to the basement. Macy looked at her and I could tell that there was something very bad in there. I started struggling again, trying to get back up the steps, but a man was stood behind me, blocking the way. Mr Reeves.

"You aren't getting away that easily." He said in his booming voice. What was it about bad guys always having such deep voices?! I looked around as Macy took my knife away from me. Whatever they were doing, it was probably going to end up killing me. I shook my head, silently begging her not to do this. She just smirked at me, but I could tell she was doubting whether or not she should do this.

"As soon as I open this door you have to get her in there. Understand?" Their mum said. Macy silently nodded. Their mum smiled. Man, these guys really were evil. Or insane. It was hard to tell who was more insane, them or my dad. She opened the door and I was shoved in. I fell to the floor, shaking my head after it collided with the corner of a table. Damn, what was it about me and hitting my head on things?! I slowly stood up and froze.

"Shit!" I said. In front of me was a walker. How had these insane idiots managed to get a walker into their basement?! And guess what? I had no weapon. I was so doomed. I heard a bolt sliding across the door and looked around, knowing that it would be useless to try and open that door. For once making noise didn't seem like such a bad idea.

"Oi! Let me outta here!" I yelled as loudly as I could. I knew that the Reeves would never open that door, but maybe, just maybe, if I was very lucky, someone else would hear me. The walker lurched towards me, snapping it's mouth open and closed as it finally noticed me. I ducked around it, the world spinning with the sudden motion. I shook my head trying to clear it but failing rather miserably.

 _Stay alive. It's either you or them._

Why was it that my insane dad's words always came to me at the worst of times? I screwed up my face, feeling sick. The brain. That was the only way to kill a walker. I had no weapon. Or did I? I glanced around the room, my heart thumping in my chest, searching for something - anything - I could use as a weapon. But it wasn't going to be that easy, the only other thing in the room was the table that I knocked my head on. There was no way I could use that as a weapon, it was pretty solid and heavy looking, considering that it didn't move when I knocked it. The only thing I could really use it for was keeping the walker away from me while I tried to get someone's attention. I scrambled under the table and away from the walker, standing up on the other side and watching as it attempted to grab me, groping at thing air. No weapon. Walker trying to kill me. Only thing that I could use to kill it was...

 _Play to your strengths._

"Fuck this." I muttered. Just the thought of what I was about to do was enough to make me feel like throwing up. I paused and felt the disgust melt from my face, a look of complete confusion and horror replacing it. I shook my head as I recognised the walker. It was a man. One that I had thought was dead.

"Josh... oh no..." I looked away for a second as he lurched towards me, bracing myself for what I had to do. I screwed up my face and lunged forwards around the table, shoving my hand up inside him. It felt disgusting, slimy, and yet somehow it was rather difficult to force my hands up through his chest, past his rotting lungs and still heart, and the smell was even worse. I used one hand to get up inside him, the other hand to hold him back so he wouldn't bite me.

"Someone! Get me the hell out of here!" I yelled again, tears almost in my voice, like they were on my cheeks. Whether they were of panic or sadness, I didn't know. I didn't want to do this. Maybe someone would hear me and come to my rescue before – nope. Apparently not. My hand wrapped around John's brain, soft and squishing under my fingers, slipping through them like mud or something equally disgusting feeling, and I ripped it out, throwing it aside as he stopped trying to bite me.

"Aw, man. That is just disgusting." I said, stepping away from him and holding my hands as far away from me sides as I could, just as Daryl barged in. I looked at him, annoyed.

"Well you took your sweet goddamned time!" I said, disgust still on my face. He looked at the dead walker and the brain on the ground and looked equally disgusted. I shuddered. It was surprising me that I hadn't thrown up yet, either that or collapsed on the floor due to how much the room was spinning. I was past the point of feeling queezey.

"You alright?" Daryl asked, crossbow in his hand. I nodded.

"I wasn't bit, if that's what you mean. But I tell ya, I will never be the same again. Pulling out a walker's brain is no walk in the park." I stormed out of the building, shoving Macy back, leaving a disgusting hand print on her t-shirt. She screamed and ran away. I smirked slightly. At least something good had come out of the exercise.

* * *

"They knew I knew Josh, I'm certain of it." I muttered, pacing around the room. I was with Carl, Rick, Judith, and Michonne in their house. Daryl was leaning against the wall, not looking very impressed. Rick was pinching the bridge of his nose, Carl was holding Judith.

"How could they have known?"

"My lying bastard of a dad. He claimed that he hadn't gone looking for Eric and me in the city. He had. I'm sure of it. He met Josh. Either that or they had been deployed to the same place and Jedidiah had told Josh to find us and look after us. The Reeves and Jedidiah were working together." I stopped pacing and collapsed into a chair. Rick shook his head.

"Can you prove it?" He asked. I shook my head.

"How the hell would I be able to prove that? It's just a strong suspicion. Anyway, what are you going to do with them? They kept a walker in their basement and tried to feed me to him." I said. Daryl snorted. He didn't approve of me calling the walker 'him'. I supposed that the dead didn't really have genders, but I had known Josh when he was still alive. I couldn't just forget about that.

"I don't know. I just don't know. It only seemed like you that they had a thing against, and usually Daryl and I could keep them in check. But this. This was going too far." Rick sighed and leaned back. Michonne placed a hand on his shoulder and I raised an eyebrow. How long had that been going on? Probably as long as I had been in Alexandria, but I wasn't very good at noticing these things. She said something that I didn't bother listening to and I sighed, frowning. I shook my head, not able to believe what I was about to say.

"Don't send them away. Keep them here, just keep them under surveillance."

"What?" Daryl asked.

"If I am right and it's not a coincidence that it was Josh that they used, if I am right and they're working for Jedidiah, then send them away and they'll go crawling back to him. And he would probably kill them himself for putting me in that kind of danger. Either that or he was testing my abilities. Either way, not a very nice outcome." I said.

"But you're the one who kept warning us about them. You're the one who they put in that situation." Carl said. Evidently I was confusing him. I nodded.

"I know. And I am pissed off at them for it. But I forgave Dad for putting me in hospital when he sliced my back open. I forgave him for breaking my leg when I was five. I forgave him for all those things. I think that eventually I will, maybe, be able to forgive the Reeves for what they did. If I retaliate again, then they'll retaliate in kind, and this thing will just spin even more out of control. We have more important things to worry about, I suspect."

"What do you mean?"

"I may not know Jedidiah all that well anymore, but I know what he used to be like. He won't lose, and judging by how insane he's seeming... I wouldn't be surprised if he decided to attack you. Just so that he would get his children." I chewed my lower lip. Things seemed to escalate so quickly. I wished things were different, yet they weren't. And they never could be. Eric ran into the building and gave me a hug. He had probably heard about what had happened by now. I was glad that I had managed to get cleaned up.

"You alright?" He asked, checking me over. I smiled.

"Well, I'm not on loopy drugs and I'm not dead. So, not too bad."

"Good." He nodded and walked over to Carl and Judith. He loved Judith, she was new, she was small, she was fun. To him at least. It amazed me how sweet and innocent Eric seemed, despite the world he was growing up in. And yet he was the most bad ass ten year old I knew, not that I knew many.

"Us." Michonne said. I looked at her, mildly surprised.

"What?"

"You wouldn't be surprised if he attacked us. You're part of this group too."

"I know. Just hard to come to terms with it, I suppose."

"Come on, Alex. It's easy. You're more used to people than I am, and I accept that I'm part of their group." Eric said, holding Judith and sitting on the floor next to Carl's seat. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"You adjust to anything with a snap of the fingers. You're just special."

"Nah, you're just a stick in the mud. You feel like you'll lose anyone you become close to. You're afraid that you'll lose everyone if you accept you are a part of the group. Just because Mum died, because Josh died, because Dad turned out to be an insane maniac willing to kill anyone who gets in his way. You're afraid that you become attached to anyone else and they'll go the same way." Everyone looked at Eric in amazement, me the most amazed. How the hell had he managed to figure all that out? I hadn't even realised it. He really didn't act his age sometimes. No one said anything for a moment and I shook my head in bewilderment.

"Just because you've lost people in the past doesn't mean you'll lose people now, doesn't mean you'll lose them in the future." He said. I swallowed. Maybe he was still naive. In this world it was guaranteed that more people you cared about would die. It was just a question of when.


	15. The Rain

I smiled as the rain came down. It hadn't rained for a while and it was nice to feel it on my face, to smell it falling on the dry, dusty ground. I was walking around outside in bare feet as it bucketed down, enjoying the feel of the moist ground beneath them. I hadn't been out in the rain since I was as a young kid running around on Grandad's farm, so I was in a rather nostalgic mood. I looked around as someone whistled and spotted Daryl on the porch to one of the houses.

"Get your ass inside. You'll catch a cold out there."

"But it's nice out here!"

"Get in here, now."

"Fine!" I grumped. I stomped up the steps and walked in past Daryl as he held the door open. Glenn, Maggie, Eric, Michonne, and the Grimes family were all in there. I smiled.

"Isn't this cosy?" I asked as I went to sit down in a chair. Daryl threw a towel at me before I could, though I fumbled to catch it and it almost fell to the ground, held up only by a corner. I sighed and pulled a face at him. He just sat down in a chair with a glass in his hand. He looked so relaxed. I rubbed my hair with the towel and then wrapped it around me like a shawl as I sat down. Eric was sitting with Glenn and watching me. He looked thoughtful for a moment.

"How long do you think it's going to rain for?" He asked.

"Until it stops." Daryl said, taking a sip of whatever his drink was.

"Well, duh, Captain State – the – obvious." Glenn joked. Daryl pulled down a rude gesture at him and I raised an eyebrow.

"None of that in front of the children, please." I said in a posh voice. Everyone looked at me and I shrugged. Daryl shook his head.

"Whatever."

"But when will it stop?" Eric repeated. I shrugged.

"As much as I hate to admit it, Daryl is right. We don't know when it's going to ease up. But hey, we needed the rain. And anyway, it feels so nice."

"Is that why you were out there getting soaked?" Rick asked. I smiled.

"I used to love the rain as a kid. I would sit by the window and watch the patterns it made as it dripped down. I'd make bets with myself about which drop would make it to the bottom of the window first. Mum and I would sit there and cheer for out own little raindrop."

"Sounds boring." Daryl said. I grinned at him.

"Go on, then! Put your money where your mouth is and let's have a race!"

"I'll pass." Everyone in the room started egging him on and I leaned back in my chair, hands behind my head.

"Scared I'll beat ya, huh?"

"You wish."

"Then race me."

"Hell, I'll even join you. Go on Daryl!" Michonne said. I looked at Michonne, vaguely surprised. Of all the people in the room, I thought she'd be the least likely to join in, aside from Daryl. Glenn nodded.

"I will too."

"And me!" Eric piped up. I laughed.

"Go on, Daryl! Don't be such a stick in the mud!"

"Really? You say that with this weather?" He asked, heaving himself out of his chair and sitting on the floor by the window. I grinned and sat down next to him, Eric crawling into my lap. Michonne and Glenn joined us and I was glad it was such a comparatively large window.

"So what exactly are the rules for this game?" Daryl grunted. I laughed.

"Rules? No lying! Pick a drop and stick with it! Ready?" Everyone confirmed when they were ready and then we started cheering our raindrops on. Even Daryl was starting to get competitive when Glenn threw his hands up in the air.

"Yes! I win!" He cried out. Eric scowled slightly, still grinning.

"Aw, man!" He climbed off my lap and tackled Glenn, play fighting on the ground. We all laughed as Glenn pretended to be mortally wounded. I looked around as Judith started crying and stood up.

"May I?" I asked Rick. He looked at me and handed Judith over. I smiled at her and sat back in my chair. I tapped her nose and she looked at me, her cries stopping. Everyone we just watched me, Eric still on top of Glenn. I stroked Judith's head and thought for a moment.

"You know, Eric used to be scared of storms. The first sign of one and he would come running over to me and he'd bury his head in my jersey. And you know what I would tell him? I would tell him a story. The same story each time. I would tell him the story that our grandma used to tell me. It was a story about a young child, one just like you. A child who was scared of the storm. But you know what the child did? He found courage when he realised his best friend was still out in the storm. His best friend wasn't a human, no, his best friend was his puppy. The child went out in the storm, all the thunder and the crazy flashes of lightning, to find his puppy and while he was out there he realised that the storm wasn't hurting him. The thunder was just a lot of noise. That was all. Just the angels going bowling," I laughed and looked up at Rick, shaking my head, "I always thought that last part was just my grandma tying to be funny. But somehow it always seemed to work for me, always worked for Eric. Our grandma was an amazing woman, always had a way with small children. Anyway, the boy eventually found his puppy, who was curled up in a barn, cold and alone, and went up to it. 'Don't worry,' he said, 'I'm going to take you home. ' and he picked up the puppy, and gave it a big hug, carrying it all the way back to the house. After that, neither the boy nor the puppy were scared of the storms ever again." Judith was just watching me with wide eyes. I stood up and walked back over to Rick, handing Judith back to him, not really taking my eyes off her, a small smile on my face. The story was condensed down to only a few short sentences, but in truth I could hardly remember the story myself. It was a boring story anyway. Eric had climbed off Glenn and had been sitting on the floor, watching me with as much attention as Judith had.

"I don't remember that."

"That's because you got over your fear pretty quickly, unlike me." I smiled. Daryl looked back outside at the growing gloom.

"Hey, China town, I want a rematch." He said. Glenn sighed.

"How many times do I have to tell you, I'm Korean."

"Whatever. Where's my rematch?" Glenn moved over to the window and sat down next to Daryl, Eric joining them. He was grinning from ear to ear as he turned around to me.

"What about you, Alex?"

"Think I'll just watch this time." I grinned. Carl stood up and grabbed my hand.

"Come on! You were the one who introduced this game!" He said. I sighed and stood up again, heading over to the window.

"Hopefully you're ready to eat dust." I taunted him.

"Right. You keep telling yourself that."

* * *

Daryl scowled as Glenn beat him for a third time and we all laughed. Eric was now hanging over Daryl's shoulder, just as annoyed as Daryl that Glenn kept winning. It was kinda cute, seeing them being grumpy together. Glenn was grinning and looking at Maggie.

"Yes, you're doing great." She said, as though she was talking to a young child. Eric glared at Glenn and an evil grin slipped onto my face. I nudged Carl and indicated that he should watch as Daryl's scowl grew deeper.

"How the hell do you keep winning?"

"Luck?"

"Ha! Don't lie, Glenn. I know every trick in the book for this game." I laughed. Daryl and Eric looked at me.

"What tricks?" They asked, Eric pouty, Daryl suspicious. I smiled as Glenn watched me in alarm.

"Alex..."

"Rules are no lying. Pick a drop and stick with it. Stop switching drop and you'll stop winning."

"What?" Daryl glared at Glenn and I grinned at their faces. Everyone was watching, highly amused as Daryl lunged for Glenn. We watched, rolling with laughter as Daryl chased Glenn around the room, determined to get payback. Carl looked at me when Daryl had gotten Glenn pinned on the floor in what looked like a rather uncomfortable position for Glenn, but looked like it could be quite comfortable for Daryl. Eric just smiled evilly.

"How come you haven't won yet? You introduced us to the game in the first place." Carl said. I looked at him, eyebrows raised.

"Glenn cheats to win. I cheat to lose."

"You've been switching drop so you wouldn't win?" Daryl asked. I nodded. Glenn looked at me incredulously from his position, trapped by Daryl.

"Why would you do that?"

"Because I would hate to be in the position you're in now." I laughed. Glenn looked like he understood me and looked at Eric.

"Hey, buddy, you mind helping me out here?"

"Clearly you haven't been on his bad side."

"Why?"

"Because he ain't gonna help you unless there is something in it for him. Right now he's supporting Daryl." I grinned at the look of horror on Glenn's face.

"I'd swear rain has a weird effect on you lot." Rick said, shaking his head in amusement. Maggie and Michonne nodded. I shrugged.

"Maybe it just puts us at ease?"

"It's horrible to track in." Daryl said, shifting slightly, making Glenn yelp.

"Alright, you can let him go now." Maggie said. Daryl grunted and looked at Eric.

"Think I should let him go?"

"I suppose so. If you don't Maggie will go all terrifying on your ass."

"Oi! Watch that mouth of yours!" I laughed. Eric looked around at me.

"Why? No one else here does."

"He got you there." Michonne said. I shook my head.

"Not helping." I said as Daryl reluctantly released Glenn. Eric just grinned and walked over to Daryl, eyeing up his glass.

"Can I try some?" He asked. I sighed when Daryl looked at me questioningly. Evidently he was fine with it. I waved it away.

"Go ahead." Eric took a sip of the drink and pulled a face, thinking hard.

"Not sure if I like it or not." Daryl laughed.

"This kid is gonna be able to hold his drink!"

"Yeah, a trait he does not get from our dad." I shook my head. Michonne looked at me, a sly smile slipping onto her face.

"Speaking of your dad..." She said. I shook my head, relieved when there was a knock on the door. Daryl got up, ruffling Eric's hair.

"Don't drink any more of that stuff." He said. Eric sighed and walked over to me, sitting down next to me and lying his head in my lap. I started stroking his hair absently, lost in thought.

"Hey, Carl, how'd you lose your eye?" I asked. He looked at me.

"Got shot."

"In the face?" I looked at him incredulously and he nodded, "Ouch."

"Yeah. But the pain was only temporary. At least my back wasn't cut several times."

"That pain was only temporary too. It doesn't bother me too much anymore. At least I can still use both my eyes. Was it weird? Getting used to only having one eye." I asked as Daryl returned, Kirsty not too far behind him. I raised my eyebrow, slightly amused. Was it just me or did Daryl look a little redder than normal?

"What you looking at?" He asked in his usual gruff way. I shook my head.

"Nothing. So, Carl, was it weird?"

"Yeah, for a bit. But I got used to it. Had to."

"Yeah, not like you're gonna grow another eye, is it?" I asked. He shook his head.

"Though that would be nice." He said. I smiled and then turned my attention to Kirsty and Daryl.

"So... how long has this been going on?" I asked, pointing from one of them to the other. Daryl scowled and looked like he wanted to strangle me, Kirsty just looked confused. Evidently she was better at acting than Daryl. It was great.

"How long has what been going on?"

"Cut the act, Kirsty. It's plain as daylight." Rick said.

"What is?"

"Oh my God..." I shook my head and gave up. I'd have to try again later.

"What brings you to this neck of the woods at this time of night?" Maggie asked. Kirsty looked at her and smiled.

"No where better to be."

"So, it's not because of Daryl?" I asked, avoiding looking at Daryl, just watching as Kirsty went bright red. Perhaps I wasn't quite done yet afterall... Carl grinned and Michonne and Rick laughed. Glenn was trying to suppress his laughter. He'd been in an awkward position already and didn't want to give Daryl an excuse to put him in another one.

"That's enough." Daryl growled, and I looked at him. He was almost as red as Kirsty was and I mock saluted with two fingers.

"Of course, sir. Consider me dropping the conversation."

"She'll drop the conversation, but I won't." Rick said. Daryl sighed and shifted slightly in his chair. I shook my head.

"Suddenly I'm wondering if I actually want to be here." Kirsty muttered, slowly edging back towards the door. I stretched out backwards and somehow managed to reach back far enough to grab her ankle.

"You ain't going anywhere, Juliette."

"Did you just make a Shakespeare reference?" Michonne asked, slightly amused, slightly confused. I had hardly been an old enough child to understand who Shakespeare was, let alone a tragic romance which ends in two lovers killing themselves because pretty much everything got completely out of control and ridiculous.

"Yes. And yes, I do know that both Romeo and Juliette end up dying."

"So, how long has this been going on?" Rick asked, bringing things back to the previous conversation. Of course, Daryl seemed rather reluctant to reply.

"Is this something that has to be answered?" Kirsty looked up at the ceiling, evidently feeling about as awkward as Daryl felt. But there was something else... it out me ever so slightly on edge. It made me feel slightly awkward about the conversation, made me want it to end.

"I think we've caused them enough embarrassment for one night. Anyway, this kid's falling asleep. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? You all better get some sleep."

"You ain't going back out in that rain. It's pissing down." Daryl scowled, though he seemed rather relieved about the change in topic and mildly thankful. I shrugged.

"So? It's not that far to get back to our house."

"You're not leaving with that kid when it's pouring down. You can stay here for the night." Rick said. I raised my eyebrow.

"You're taking his side?"

"It's just one night, Alex. I don't see what the big problem is." Michonne said. I shook my head.

"I swear, you guys are all just ganging up on me. Fine, I'll stay the night. But you ain't gonna keep me here tomorrow." I muttered. Rick shook his head.

"Wouldn't dream of it."

* * *

 **Author's note: Nice cutesy fluff chapter pretty much, but it's actually rather important. Hope you enjoyed it, and hey! I was actually on time for once! (Just...)**


	16. This is war

_He held the gun to his head, tears rolling down his face. He knew that either way he was going to die, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He couldn't pull the trigger. He collapsed to the ground, furious with himself for being such a coward._

 _"Man, we were taught to always put others before us. And either way you're gonna die, right? So what's so bad about killing yourself?" He turned around and looked at the man calmly making his way over to him._

 _"Who are you?"_

 _"I could ask you the same thing." He was a tall man, strong build, wore an army uniform. Josh frowned._

 _"You were in the army."_

 _"Yeah, before everything went to hell. Sometimes it feel like God has abandoned us. We talk about how He will protect us, but will he really? If He has all that power, wouldn't He use it to protect His creation?" The stranger smiled, "Or maybe He is. Perhaps this is what He wants."_

 _"Why are you even talking about God at a time like this?"_

 _"You were bitten, weren't you?" The man asked. Josh laughed slightly and nodded._

 _"Yeah. I didn't want to put the kids in danger, so I came up here. And now I can't seem to bring myself to do it. I don't want to die," Josh looked at the man and frowned, "You look like her. Alexandra."_

 _"She's alive?" The man's jade green eyes lit up with hope. Josh nodded._

 _"Yeah, her and her brother. Who are you?"_

 _"I'm Sargent Jedidiah Jameson. I'm their dad. What about Krystal? Where is she?"_

 _"Who is Krystal?" Josh asked. The hope faded from Jedidiah's eyes and he shook his head, tears brimming his eyes._

 _"My wife. Oh God... is she dead?"_

 _"I... I think so. Alexandra said that they were alone. Their mum died saving them I think."_

 _"No... no, it can't be."_

 _"I'm sorry, sir. I'm so sorry," Josh looked at the gun in his hand and held it out to Jedidiah, "I hate to ask this of you, but... please. I don't want to put them in more danger than they already are. Please. You can look after them. Look after them and kill me." Jedidiah took a step forward and took the pistol from Josh's hand. He looked down at it and then at Josh, pointing it at his chest._

 _"What's your name?"_

 _"Joshua. Joshua Davis."_

 _"It was a pleasure to meet you, Joshua." Jedidiah said, saluting him. Josh smiled and nodded._

 _"The pleasure was all mine, sir. Thank you." And then Jedidiah shot him, a single shot ringing out across the city, every walker still there turning and starting to walk in that direction, a mass of undead, rotting carcasses. Jedidiah smiled. This new world was one that he would rule. His children could live without him. They had so far. And his wife was dead, anyway, so how would he be able to see his children every day and not feel sadness? This was for the best. He turned and walked away._

 _Yes._

 _He would rule this new world._

* * *

I hated being right. I climbed up the ladder and looked over the wall, my bow held ready. I had my gun in its holster, my knife at my side, just the way it should be. Maggie looked at me and nodded. I glared down at the car in front of the gate. It wasn't one of ours, and I had a strong suspicion that it was Jedidiah. Indeed, he stepped out of the drivers seat, looking up at me. He smiled and raised his hand in greeting. I turned away, looking down at the ground where Daryl was. He didn't look too impressed that I had gotten up before him.

"Find Eric. Please."

"I ain't your messenger boy."

"Please, Daryl. It's important." He grunted and headed off as I turned back to Jedidiah. Maggie was pointing at gun at his head and in return was having one pointed at her. I knocked an arrow and held ready. Jedidiah raised his hands and smiled.

"Looks like we're at a Mexican stand off."

"What do you want?"

"Am I not allowed to talk to my little girl?"

"Depends what you want to talk about."

"Have you considered joining me any further?"

"No. That's my answer. I can't do it, sorry. I have a home. And it's right here."

"What a shame," Jedidiah shook his head, "Alright, boys. Let them go." He smiled up at me as he talked on his radio. I frowned. What was he up to? Were things escalating ridiculously quickly again?

"Wait! I might not be joining you, but I never answered for Eric. At least give him the chance to answer you."

"Alex, what are you doing?" Maggie hissed to me.

"Doing what's best for my little brother. I've wrapped him in cotton wool so long, now it's time to let him make his own decision. He always has seemed wiser than me. It took me this long to figure it out." I looked around and saw Eric running towards the platform, Daryl a little further behind him. Jedidiah was looking up at me expectantly.

"So where is he? Where is my son?"

"He's just coming." Eric was just on the ladder, but Jedidiah shook his head.

"I don't know if I believe you. Are you just trying to procrastinate, trying to give your people time to escape?"

"No! Honest to God, Eric is right here!" I helped Eric up the last rung and pulled him towards me so Jedidiah could see him. Our dad froze. He could see that Eric was our mum's son. I looked like Jedidiah, Eric looked like Mum. I could tell that Jedidiah was amazed, just as Eric was.

"You look like him." Eric said to me. I nodded.

"Yeah, and it drives me insane. Look, Eric, Dad wants you to go with him. The choice is up to you, I don't mind either way."

"But what about you?" Eric asked, worry in his eyes. I shook my head, smiling slightly.

"I made my choice already. It's up to you if you want to go or not," I sighed, "But you'll probably be safer if you go."

"I don't know him. And I already have people who are like parents to me." Eric said, looking at Maggie. She smiled slightly at him, then at me. I smiled back. Eric turned and looked over the wall. Jedidiah was looking up at him, a hopeful look on his face. It made me kind of sad. I felt sorry for him, he had lost everything, his sanity, his wife, his daughter, and now his son. Eric shook his head.

"I'm sorry, but I already have everything I need right here. You hurt my sister. You scarred her, you strangled her. I don't even remember you. I'm sorry." He said. I closed my eyes briefly. Jedidiah looked so broken. He nodded.

"I understand your choice. Just know this, Eric. I love you. I love you both," He said, looking at both of us, "Let them go." He said into his radio again. I frowned.

"Let what go?" I asked. He smiled.

"Enjoy the walkers." He called up. I cursed and turned to Eric.

"Get in the house and lock the doors," I commanded, "Hide, don't make a noise. Stay safe. I have to warn Rick." I went down the ladder.

"No! I'm helping. I wasn't taught how to fight just so I would hide at the first sign of danger." Eric said, determination in his eye. I shook my head.

"It's too dangerous."

"And it's not too dangerous for you?" He followed me down, running after me, "I'm the better shooter out of us! I'm not leaving you out here to fight who knows how many walkers on your own!"

"And I'm not going to let you just throw your life away! You're my younger brother. You have a life left to live, I'm not going to let you waste that chance."

"If the walkers don't kill me, then chances are that Dad's people are going to. The more people we have fighting, the bigger the chances of survival. And anyway, you can't stop me fighting. Wouldn't you rather have me somewhere where you can see me?" I stopped and turned around to face him, glaring down at him.

"I can't lose you Eric. Everything I am doing, I do for you. You're the only thing that means anything to me anymore. You said it yourself. I'm afraid to let anyone in. You're lucky. You don't remember Mum's death, you don't remember how scared she was, you don't remember the screams. You don't remember how terrified you were, you didn't know what was happening, and I wish more than anything that I could forget what happened to her. I wish I could forget what happened to Josh. But I can't. And they were both terrified. I can't let that happen to you too."

"It won't! Don't be so selfish! You really think that I don't care what happens to you? I don't want to lose you either! You're my sister, and sure you are the most annoying person in the world, but you're also the one that means the most to me." We looked at each other, not moving. I threw my arms up and continued walking.

"Fine! Do what you want." I muttered. Eric followed me again as I headed towards Rick. I wished more than anything Grimesy's leg was better. It wasn't as bad as it was, but it was still not fully healed. How the hell had he managed to hurt it so badly? Some people were just that skilled evidently, though I would never have expected him to have that skill. In truth I still felt like it was my fault for leaving them to deal with Jedidiah's cronies on their own. And now Jedidiah was probably going to kill them because I refused to leave. As I went I saw Macy, Trent, their parents, and their younger siblings watching me, fear on their faces. I nodded to them. They didn't want to die any more than I did. Macy nodded back. Maybe she wasn't as bad as she seemed.

* * *

Rick walked out, barking orders. Carl was handing Judith over to someone to look after her while he fought. I shook my head. How was he going to manage this? He had only one eye, I mean sure, he was an amazing shot and he had done this kind of thing before, but this was war. My dad was probably going to send in his own men as well at some point, he was just that kind of crazy. How had he managed to find that many walkers? How had he managed to keep them all contained for so long? Had he been planning this for a while? Had he been turning his own men into walkers? He possibly had. Was I as crazy as him, if I was thinking of these kinds of things? Eric slipped his hand into mine and looked up at me.

"We'll be fine."

"Mum promised that she'd come back. She didn't. She got bitten and then eaten alive. Walkers are like super villains of some description. Their super powers? Never having a full stomach and being alive even though they're dead." I scowled. Eric squeezed my hand.

"But we can still kill them. Think of it as saving them from themselves. No one deserves to be a walker." He said. I looked down at him and squeezed his hand back, nodding.

"Seems your super power is always knowing what to say."

"I remember when we were younger and we used to run around pretending to be super heroes, saving the world from the bad guys. We never imagined that we'd be fighting walkers though."

"I can't believe you never told me that you remember that." I said, smiling. He smiled back at me.

"Hey, everyone has their secrets. I also remember pretending to be Link and beating up Ganondorf. You always pretended to be the bad guy."

"I always had the right height difference," I sighed, "Come on. Enough reminiscing. You ready to kick some walker butt?"

"Yeah."


	17. Irish Lullaby

I kept firing arrows at the walkers. Curse my dad for this, curse him, boil his eyeballs. In acid. It was taking all my concentration to just keep firing, to not think about the others. I hadn't seen them for a while, the numbers of the walkers were simply too great. How the hell had Jedidiah managed to find this many? That was the biggest question here. By my side Eric was shooting at the walkers with his gun.

"Shit!" I spun around as something grabbed my neck, stabbing an arrow through the walker's head before it could bite me. Eric didn't take his eyes off the walkers.

"You alright?"

"Damn thing almost bit me! Bloody hell!" I had to save what few arrows I had left, so I flung my bow on my back and took out my gun, Eric covering me. I knew I didn't have many bullets left, either, but bullets were easier to come by than arrows. Only draw back to using a bow. I fired at the walkers. It felt like ages ago that I had been the girl in the forest having an asthma attack and completely failing to kill walkers, although one thing hadn't changed. I still didn't know if kill was the right word. Eric's gun began clicking uselessly and I stepping in front of him so he wouldn't get bitten and forced my gun into his hand, pulling out my knife.

"But –"

"Don't argue! If you're out here, you play by my rules!" I yelled, trying to be heard above the walkers. Eric looked at me and nodded, determination in his eyes. I nodded back and stepped towards the writhing mass of undead. I lost track of how many walkers I stabbed in the head, lost track of where I was. I was lost in the complete stench of the filthy undead, found it hard to breathe, though it was quite surprising that I hadn't had an asthma attack as of yet. My bow was getting in the way, but I wasn't about to ditch it. Who knew when I was going to need it again? If worst came to the worst I could use it as a staff, or a garrotte if things really got too bad. I could at least decapitate the walkers, it'd mean that they couldn't walk anymore. What would that make them? Like what do you call a fly without wings? No. Now was not a good time for bad jokes that had lost what little humour they had in the first place. I pulled a face as blood splattered over my face. Where was everyone? Where were Daryl, Rick, Glenn, heck! Even Eugene would do! It'd be great if I had a little help. A yell came from the midst of the walkers and I turned around, stabbing another walker in the head as I did so. The gun shots had stopped. Shit, where was Eric? What had happened? I begged God that he had been able to get inside a house, that it wasn't him who was calling for help.

"Alex!"

"Eric... no, no no no no no!" I muttered, forcing my way in the direction I thought his voice had been coming from. Why was it that God always seemed to turn His back when I needed him the most? Curse Him. Curse these walkers. Curse them all.

'I can't lose you too, Eric!' I could hear him crying, could feel his terror. Or was it my terror? Probably both.

"Alex!" He sobbed.

"Hang on!" I slammed my body into the walker on top of my brother, furious. We sprawled on the ground, bile rising in my throat as the walker's guts fell out on me, it's head snapping at me. I shoved my knife in its head, throwing its once more lifeless body off me. I scrambled to my feet and hauled Eric up, shoving him towards a house. Why was it that he never listened to me? Why couldn't he have done as I had asked and not fought this battle?

"In!"

"Alex..." He whimpered.

"IN!" I roared. There were tears leaving trails in the dirt on his face, I could understand that. I was scared out of my mind at that moment, it was forgivable if he was too. If he wasn't then he was more insane than our dad, if that was even possible. This wasn't a good situation to be in, a horrifying situation to be in. Once we were in I slammed the door shut and shifted a chair in front of it. It would at least hold the walkers long enough to get somewhere safer. I looked around, recognising the house. It surprised me that the Reeves weren't currently hiding in their home. Were they dead? It was a possibility I couldn't ignore. I pushed Eric towards the basement, never thinking that I would actually be thankful that they had made me fight Walker Josh. In a way they had just saved our lives.

Or so I thought.

"Basement. Go. Now." Eric and I stumbled down the stairs to the basement, Eric's body shaking under my hands. I closed the basement door behind us, locking it and piling stuff in front of it.

'Just like we did back in the city.' It felt like centuries ago now.

"We're going to be OK." I said, turning to face Eric, smiling in relief. The smile vanished as Eric shook his head, collapsing to the ground, uncontrollable sobs escaping him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He kept repeating, over and over again. I swallowed, terrified. What had happened to him? Then I noticed the rip in his clothing between his neck and his shoulder. I noticed the blood and I shook my head.

"Oh God... please tell me you're not..." My voice faded. I couldn't believe it. I refused to. I wouldn't. Not Eric. Anyone but Eric. He nodded.

"It bit me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should have been stronger." He was dying and yet he was still only thinking about me. I stepped towards him, but he shook his head. He knew what was happening to him, and I knew he didn't want it. He didn't want to hurt me. It was like Josh all over again. I knew what he was going to ask me to do. I knelt down next to him, pulling him into a hug. The last hug I'd ever get from him.

"I don't want to turn into one of those things." He sobbed into my shoulder. I rocked back and forward slowly, making quiet shushing noises.

"I know, kid. I know." There was a lump in my throat, tears in my eyes. I had to be strong. For him. That was all that mattered. I couldn't save him, but I could look after him. I could be strong for him.

"Kill me before that happens." He said hesitantly. I swallowed again, trying to keep the tears from my voice.

"It won't happen to you. You won't turn into one of those things. I promise."

Never make a promise you can't keep.

I could kill him. I had killed people before. But my own brother... that wasn't something anyone should have to do. And yet I had to. I promised.

"Tell me something nice about Mum and Dad?" He asked, shifting so he was lying down, his head in my lap. I stroked his hair, just like I had when it had rained, avoiding looking in his eyes.

"Dad always wanted a son. Don't get me wrong, he loved all of us, Mum, me, you, despite his many flaws and how he kept beating me. But you were his pride and joy. He talked about how he would take us to Japan or Australia or something, all the things he would show you. Mum would smile and shake her head and ask him where he would find the time and the money. 'I'll find a way,' he'd say, smiling secretively. I always loved his smile. It was kind.

"Mum would tell us stories about her childhood, of the countryside and her parents' old farm. We actually went there a couple of times and she taught me how to ride. She wanted to teach you too, but you were too young and the horses too big. I was only allowed on the horses when she was supervising and leading the horses. When Dad wasn't away they'd sing if either of us were having trouble sleeping or upset. I remember when you were two, or maybe three, and we're sick. You wouldn't eat and wouldn't sleep because you were too hungry to. Dad picked you up and started singing a lullaby and you stopped crying. You just... listened," I sat silent for a moment, "You look like her. Mum."

"Was she brave?"

"Like you are. You're amazingly brave."

"Like Mum. Like you," I could feel tears trickling down my face, "Could you sing the lullaby for me? The one Dad sang."

Be strong.

I sniffed and cleared my throat before beginning to sing, the sound of gun shots and walkers' moaning as my music, my orchestra, my timpani and my strings, my wind. I was the conductor, I was the singer, the performer, and this little basement was my stage. My dying brother my audience. I felt my knife's weight in my hand, the moisture of my tears on my cheek and in my eye.

Be strong.

I didn't want him to know when I was going to do it, didn't want him to look at me, didn't want him to see his murderer, didn't want him to say anything to me. I couldn't back out of this. I couldn't do to him what I had done to Josh. I took a shakey breath and opened my mouth.

"Toora loora loora,

Toora loora li,

Toora loora loora,

Hush now don't you cry.

Ah,

Toora loora loora,

Toora loora li,

Toora loora loora,

It's an Irish lullaby."

I kept singing it, over and over again. In the middle of the third time singing it I did it, slipped the knife in the back of his head, his blood seeping out on my hand and lap. I couldn't feel, I couldn't think, I just kept singing.

* * *

The door burst open, my barricade falling over with a loud crash. I didn't care. I was still singing. How long had I been singing? I didn't know. I didn't care. My voice was quiet, hardly more than a hoarse whisper. Someone cursed and I felt someone's hands trying to take Eric from my lap. I shook my head and hugged him closer to my chest, still quietly crooning to his dead body, the knife still inserted in his skull. Someone was talking, but I didn't hear the words and I didn't care. Someone held me as the other person took Eric from me. I stopped singing.

"No! No!" I cried, tears pouring down my cheeks. My eyes focused on Rick as he took Eric from me and lay him gently on the ground. I moved to try and grab Eric again, but I was held back.

"Hey, it's OK. Come here." Daryl turned me around and pulled me into a hug. At first I tried to push him away, but then I just let him hold me as I cried. I couldn't stop. I looked at my hands and just wanted to chop them off. I pulled a face and started scratching them, wanting them gone. They had killed Eric, his blood was on them.

"No! Alex, no!" Rick said, taking my hands in his own as Daryl let go of me slightly, his arms still around me, just not as tightly so I could look at Rick.

"I killed him! I killed him! How could I kill him? He was all I had left!"

"You had no choice. He was bit."

"But I killed him."

"If I knew anything about that kid, he wouldn't have wanted to turn into one of those things." Daryl said. I looked at him.

"That doesn't change what I did. His blood is on my hands, literally!"

"You weren't the bastard who let them in here," Daryl said, "So it isn't your fault."

"I didn't look after him!"

"You did the best job you could. It's not your fault that this game is rigged. You didn't release those walkers. Jedidiah forced your hand. Understand?" I bit my lip and nodded slightly. I still felt like shit, but now anger was starting to rise in me. I stood up, wiping my eyes on my sleeve, trying hard not to get Eric's blood on my face. I looked down at him and thought for a moment, then took Mum's jacket off. It was ruined anyway. I draped it over his body so I couldn't see his face, his open eyes. He looked so innocent. I looked at Daryl and Rick.

"Jedidiah is mine." I hissed. They looked at each other, then back at me as I pushed past them and out the door. I had gone from a scared city girl, to a someone who didn't know who she was, to a sobbing wreck, and now I was a bitch with a mission, searching for blood.

My dad's blood.

* * *

 **Author's note: I'm sorry I killed of a ten year old kid. I'm heartless. If it's any consolation, I am kinda upset about it, but mostly only when listening to sad music. Seriously, go back and read it with sad music on. Makes it so much worse. Things might get better later on, just not necessarily soon.**


	18. Requiescat in pace

It was no longer just walkers around the place. Jedidiah's men had infiltrated Alexandria and were now running around, shooting at whatever moved. I scowled.

"How exactly as we gonna find this son of a bitch?" I growled. Rick pointed at one of the buildings, one of the more fancy ones, though all of them were pretty fancy.

"We saw him go in there."

"Naturally. That's just the kind of place he'd go, isn't it?" I scowled. Daryl placed a hand on my shoulder and I turned to look at him.

"You sure you're up for this?"

"Why the fuck wouldn't I be?"

"You ain't acting like yourself and your brother just died."

"So? I'll feel better once I kill Jedidiah."

"I'm just worried about you, kid."

"And you're asking me if I feel alright?" I looked at Daryl incredulously, then shook my head, "Let's have this argument later." I stepped out into the street and had someone point a gun at my head. I rolled my eyes and just kept walking.

"Hey! Stop!"

"Go fuck yourself," I said, shoving an arrow in his head as I walked past, "I have no time for that."

"Think we should stop her?" Rick asked Daryl behind me.

"She needs to do this. If it goes too far I'll stop her."

"You want to get in her way when she's in this mood?"

"Never said it'd be easy." I turned back and looked at them.

"Enough with the chit chat! You coming or not?" I resumed walking to the house, meeting no one else along the way. I kicked open the door and marched into the living room. Jedidiah was sitting in a chair, looking altogether too comfortable. I glared at him as he stood up, smiling that goofy smile.

"Alex! It's good to see you, honey."

"Shut the fuck up."

"Ouch! Language!"

"Don't tell me what to do. You lost that privilege."

"How? What did I do?" He asked, spreading his arms out. I moved forward and kicked him in the gut, sending him falling backwards. He clutched his stomach and looked at me, amazed and confused. He shook his head as I knocked one of my last arrows and drew my bow, pointing the arrow at his head.

"Don't think that I won't do it." I muttered.

"Alex!"

"Stay out of this, Rick. I told you that this bastard was mine."

"Do that and you really will be alone. You won't have any living relatives. Do you really want that?" He asked. I scowled.

"I'd rather be alone than know this guy was still alive."

"She won't have any living relatives? What do you mean?" Jedidiah asked, looking past me at Rick. Daryl came up behind me and grabbed my bow, slowly taking the arrow from it so I couldn't fire at Jedidiah.

"Come on, kid. I doubt Eric would want you to do that."

"No. He wouldn't want anything." I muttered, turning away. Rick didn't say anything, just watched as I walked away from Jedidiah, shaking my head. My dad covered his mouth and sat on the floor, suddenly overcome with emotion. He shook his head.

"Don't tell me Eric's –"

"Don't! Don't you dare say his name!" I spat, turning around, glaring at him.

"He is my son!" Jedidiah spat, standing up. I shook my head.

"No, he wasn't! He stopped being your son when you became a mad man."

"He is my son just as much as you are my daughter." Jedidiah said in the most calm way. It infuriated me. I grabbed Rick's gun from its holster and pointed it at Jedidiah's head.

"No. He was never your son, and I am not your daughter. You killed him. His blood is on your hands as much as it is on mine." I held my hand up so he could see the blood, Eric's blood, as it dried on my hands. He looked like he was about to break down again. I swallowed, not wanting to break down myself. Daryl stood beside me.

"You sure you want to do this?"

"Never been more sure about anything in my life," I stepped forward and looked Jedidiah in the eye, "I wanted you to know that he still love you. In the end. I didn't tell him about all the different times you beat me up, all the ribs you broke, the multiple times you broke my bones, how many black eyes and bruises you gave me. I told him stories about how you would sing him to sleep, about all the different places you wanted to take him. In the end I told him things that would make him love you." Tears were falling to the ground off my cheeks again. Jedidiah shook his head.

"It doesn't have to be this way, Alex, I can change. For you. We can get through this together."

"I would like nothing less. See you in hell." I said.

* * *

A single shot rang out through Alexandria, one shot, then silence. It was like the world was waiting for something to happen.

One shot.

"Requiescat in pace."

* * *

I didn't look at Rick or Daryl, just gave the gun back to Rick silently. I left the house, grabbing my bow from Daryl and standing out of the porch. I frowned and looked at all the walkers still lurching around the place, a plan forming in my mind. Rick and Daryl stood next to me and I sighed.

"That gun shot will have alerted every walker here where we are." I said.

"Yeah." Daryl grunted. Rick frowned, thinking.

"We need to get them out of here. Right, here's what we're gonna do –"

"No. Whatever your plan is, no. You two have too much to lose. I know how to draw them away. Any still here after I'm gone you'll be able to deal with."

"What?" Daryl looked at me incredulously. I looked at him.

"Have I gone too far yet? Gonna try and stop me? For once just let me do something to help you lot out. This is my home as much as it is anyone else's," I flung my bow over my shoulder again and climbed up on the rails of the porch, hauling myself up onto the roof, "Keep safe you two." I called down as I started clambering over the roof tops, just like I did back in the city. I made my way back to the house that Eric and I had called home, avoiding all the walkers, and slipped in through the back door. For some reason there were no walkers on that side. I ran up the stairs and paused in front of Eric's room. I took a deep breath and pushed the door open. I didn't want to spend very long in there. I spotted his skateboard, the one I had been pissed off to learn about, and grabbed it.

"Eric, thank you so much for finding this thing." I whispered. I ran back downstairs, grabbing a pair of gloves and some thick string. Rope would probably be too heavy for what I had in mind, despite the fact that chances were the string would break. I didn't care. Not anymore. I climbed back onto the roof and looked around at the walkers. How the hell were there still so many despite Jedidiah's men slowly killing them? And us? I scowled and whistled, a high, shrill, piercing sound.

"Oi! Numb skulls!" I yelled. Slowly the walkers turned to face me and I smiled, starting to run. I just had to get to the road, then I'd be home free.

* * *

Skateboarding was, in theory, very easy. I was pretty good at it. And then came all the debris across the road, which I found a little harder to navigate around. I looked behind me and saw my adoring fans lurching after me. Looking around was a mistake. I felt the board slip out from underneath me, felt myself skidding across the ground.

"Shit!" I hissed, hoping like hell I hadn't just grazed my hands, hoping that I didn't have walker... whatever... goobies or whatnot... entering me. I didn't want to turn into one of those walking freak shows. I scrambled to my feet and stated running, it wasn't like the river was too far away. The walkers followed me, just as I wanted them to. Everything was resting on the river. Oh, and if they really were as desperate and dumb as they seemed. If they weren't, then things would backfire a little. Perhaps I should have told someone about my plan. If anything went wrong... well, the after effects wouldn't bother me. If my plan failed I'd be dead any way I looked at it. The sound of rushing water filled my ears and I picked up the pace, sprinting as fast as I could, pushing my body to its very limits. How could walkers be so goddamn fast?! They were dead, for God's sake! Were there some kind of walker steroids we didn't know about or some shit? I grabbed an arrow and wound the string around it as fast as I could, still running.

"Come on... give me a good tree..." I muttered. This probably wouldn't work. It only worked in Robin Hood stories. But it was the only plan I could think of. I knocked the arrow and fired, hearing it thud into the bark of a tree on the other side. I bit my lip. This was going to go so wrong. The string was no where near strong enough to hold my weight, and even if it was, chances that the arrow would stay in the tree were slim.

Stay positive, even in the hardest, most hopeless scenarios. Do that and you're more likely to come out the other side alive.

I wondered how much bullshit my dad had told me and shook my head, scowling. Now wasn't the time for those thoughts. I pulled the gloves I grabbed onto my hands and scrambled up a nearby tree, tying the other end of the string around it, leaving a long tail to wrap around me. Man, it was a lot of string. I looked down at the approaching walkers and swung myself out onto the string, the raging river waters swelling up to greet me. The water was a filthy brown, the currents wild and unpredictable. I hoped it'd do its job.

"Oi! Come and get me!" I yelled, attracting the attention of the walkers, continuing along. The walkers – thick as they were – came right at me, falling in the water and being swept away. Sure, they weren't dead, but chances were a few would be picked off and those who were not would be far away (hopefully), leaving Alexandria in peace for a time. I looked up as I felt the string starting to give way and scowled, hurrying up.

Keep going. No matter what, keep going.

The string snapped, the arrow fell from the tree, and the surging waters engulfed me.

* * *

 _I rolled over, sighing. I didn't want to get up. It was too comfy in bed. I opened my eyes, confused._

 _Wait... bed? Comfortable bed? A duvet? I sat up, the sheets falling down. I shook my head, smiling. What was it about me and always believing the dreams I had? Who would believe in walkers, weird undead things wanting to eat every other person still living. Mum always said I had too much of an imagination. The smell of bacon wafted under my door into the room and I closed my eyes. It felt like forever since I had tasted bacon, though I had it the day before for breakfast too. You could never have too much bacon. It was an impossibility._

 _Though I knew plenty of people who thought otherwise. For some it was just too fatty or something like that, I didn't quite understand their reasoning. Bacon was good. But they could believe what they wanted and I had to respect them for it. Slowly I climbed out of bed, surprised when my feet landed in the soft, woolly feeling of my rug. Man, why was I so surprised by all this? Sure, in the dream I had these luxuries were a thing of the past, but that was just a dream. I was awake. It wasn't like I had anything to worry about. I was home. I was safe._

* * *

 **Author's Note: Assassin's Creed quote, and I am not ashamed. It's a good game, and that quote fits with the situation quite well. So, guys, do you want anothing epilogue or not? I mean, I've written one, just been debating whether to put it up or not. I'd love for you to give me your opinion on the matter.**


	19. Reality and dreams

_"Look who finally decided to wake up! Morning, Alex." Mum smiled. I grinned, laughing with relief. Man, I was acting weird. I threw my arms around her neck, tears starting to rim my eyes. I frowned in happy confusion. Why was I so surprised to see her? She picked up that something was wrong and I felt her hand patting my back._

 _"You alright?" She asked. I nodded, letting her go and stepping back._

 _"Yeah, I'm fine." I said._

 _"Wow! The dead walk!" I spun around, grinning._

 _"Dad! When did you get home?!" I asked, running over and throwing my arms around his neck. It felt like ages ago I had seen him. He'd been over seas in Iraq or something, helping the locals in any way he could. And yet I felt like I had seen him more recently, couldn't get the image of me shooting him in the head out of my mind. He laughed and picked me up, spinning me around._

 _"A couple of hours ago. Thought I'd surprise my baby girl."_

 _"Well, you certainly managed that." I grinned, turning around as Eric walked past, his skateboard under his arm. He pulled a disgusted face at me. That kid had an attitude problem. What was his excuse? I was a teenager. I was allowed to be a cranky git, but he just decided that if I was allowed to he was allowed to._

 _"Why are you acting weird? Well, weirder."_

 _"You may as well ask me why I thought that you could ever be nice," I teased, "Where are you off to?"_

 _"The park. I'm meeting up with Dillan."_

 _"That Reeves kid?"_

 _"Yeah. What's gotten into you?" He asked. I just frowned._

 _"I hope you've got an adult keeping an eye on you."_

 _"Yes, Mum! Josh will be watching us. Gees," He shook his head and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl, waving it at our parents, "See ya!" He called. Dad just chuckled as Mum shook her head, smiling. I frowned._

 _"Josh? As in, Josh Davis?"_

 _"Yeah. Alex, are you sure you're alright?" Mum asked, stepping towards me. I shrugged carelessly and smiled._

 _"Yeah, just peachy. Had a weird dream is all." I sat down at the table, Mum slipping some bacon onto the plate next to some toast. I began to tell my parents about my dream as I ate. They watched me silently, listening intently. Occasionally a slight frown would appear on their faces, but they never interrupted. I explained it all to them, the walkers, how Mum died, but I didn't bother bringing up or naming people who they didn't know, people who weren't real. People like the Grimes family and Daryl Dixon._

* * *

"Shit!" Daryl hissed, spotting Alex on the other side of the river. She didn't look like she was moving. Rick came up behind him and Daryl pointed at her, crossbow in his hand. Who knew when a walker would come along.

"How are we supposed to get to her?" He asked. Rick looked around thoughtfully.

"She must have gotten over there somehow."

"Yeah, she got swept there! She was stupid, trying to lead the walkers away!"

"Hey, she managed it. I didn't see any walkers left in Alexandria except for those we killed."

"And now she's on the other side of a flooding river!"

"Calm down. We'll get to her." Rick stood with his hands on his hips, then pointed to a tree with string tied around it. Daryl looked at it and scowled.

"What the hell possessed her to be such an idiot?" He growled. Rick shook his head.

"She just lost her brother. Come on." He moved away, looking for a part of the river that they could safely cross. He hoped that Alex was alright. He didn't want to have to shoot her in the head if she was dead, but he would if it was required. She wouldn't have wanted to turn into a walker, she had to kill her own brother because of them. Daryl ran on ahead slightly to scout out the area while Rick stayed back, keeping an eye out for walkers and places to cross. At least Alex had managed to get out of the water. That was a good sign.

* * *

 _"So, let me get this straight. You had a dream about the dead coming back to life, killing your mum, trapping you and your brother in the basement of our old house?"_

 _"Yes."_

 _"And I was off in a war zone, but somehow came back?"_

 _"Exactly. And Josh was bitten and later on I ended up ripping his brain out because he was a walker. I also ended up having to kill Eric because he was bitten."_

 _"And you killed me?" Dad asked, frowning. Mum just sat there in silence, watching us. I shrugged, then nodded._

 _"Yeah, well, you were kinda insane and had let the walkers into the walls of our home."_

 _"A small community of survivors, called Alexandria."_

 _"Yes. And you letting them in caused Eric to be bitten, which meant I had to kill him by stabbing him in the brain." I said, shoving the last bit of my breakfast into my mouth. Mum shook her head, a bewildered expression on her face. Dad was just frowning. I doubted he was impressed that I had shot him in the head and then quoted assassin's creed to him._

 _"You really do have too much of an imagination at times." Mum said. I smiled sheepishly._

 _"Why did we all end up dying?" Dad asked. I shrugged carelessly._

 _"It was a horror story, Dad. Of course everyone ended up dying," There was a knock at the door and I stood up, "I'll get it."_

 _"You're still in your pyjamas." Dad points out, slightly amused._

 _"So? I'm still wearing clothes, not butt naked," I shook my head and opened the door, "Hey." I said. There were four people standing in front of me, and I recognised three out of the four. I frowned slightly. How the hell was that possible? I'd never met these people before._

 _"Hi, we just moved in across the hall," He said, smiling in a friendly manner, "I'm –"_

 _"Rick. You're Rick Grimes. He's Carl, and the kid is Judith." I said. Rick frowned._

 _"Do we know you?" He asked. I shook my head._

 _"Nah, we've never met." I smiled, shaking my head. Who was the woman? I didn't recognise her, she wasn't in my dream. Although, that made sense. In the dream she had died, though the dream versions of Rick and Carl never said how. I had never asked. I didn't even ask what her name was. Despite it only having been a dream, I still felt slightly guilty. I turned around when I felt my dad standing by my shoulder._

 _"Hello, I'm Jedidiah Jameson. Sorry about my daughter, she likes to show off her superpowers." He smiled as I rolled my eyes. Trust my dad to try and embarrass me. He wasn't going to manage that easily. Rick smiled back, nodding slightly._

 _"Rick Grimes. This is my wife, and these are our kids, Carl and Judith. It's nice to meet you."_

 _"The pleasure is all mine. This is Alexandra, my wife is Krystal, and our youngest is Eric. He isn't here right now, went to the park with a couple of friends."_

 _"Where are you from?" I asked. I felt like I should know the answer, but I didn't think I had been told in the dream. Carl shook his head._

 _"Doesn't matter. We left, now we're here." I frowned, nodding slightly. I supposed that made sense. But why were they being so closed off? I asked one question... they hadn't mentioned Mrs. Grimes' first name. Why weren't they saying anything that I didn't know the answer to? It was weird. I shook it off. Did it really matter? We'd only just met and I'd probably creeped them out by already knowing three out of four of their names. Which was completely understandable._

* * *

 _It felt like hardly any time had passed, and yet I knew it had. The Grimes family had moved in the flat across the hall from us nearly a month ago, but it felt like I had known them much longer. Carl and I were sitting on the roof of the building, reading. He had a pile of comic books (seemed just like him, even in the weird dream that still seemed to haunt me), and I had an old novel that Mum had recommended to me. It was windy on top of the roof, but it was nice. I looked out over the city as the sun went down. Soon the city would be lit up by millions of lights of all different colours. I wasn't sure if I liked it or not, but there was no denying that I thought it beautiful. But in the dream I had, I had found the stars more beautiful. I frowned slightly._

 _"You OK?"_

 _"Yeah, I'm fine, just thinking." I smiled at him and stretched slightly. I knew I should probably go in soon, who knew what time we'd be having dinner tonight. Dad was cooking, which didn't always end up so good. Mum was on a night shift at the hospital. How she managed it I didn't understand, but I supposed I would learn. I wanted to follow in her footsteps and become a doctor. I liked helping people, and Mum said I showed great promise and understanding of the few things she had taught me. I knew I'd either become a doctor or an army medic. Both things interested me. Carl put his comic book down and looked at me, unconvinced._

 _"Something's up."_

 _"You caught me," I grinned, "I'm thinking you'd look better with only one eye. You just look... weird with two."_

 _"What?"_

 _"Remember the dream I told you about?" I asked. Carl nodded and I shrugged nonchalantly. That was a good word, nonchalant. It just felt nice to say, or even think. A wonderful descriptive word. I threw those thoughts from my mind and forced myself back to the present._

 _"Well, you only had one eye. You were shot in the face."_

 _"It still confuses me that we were even in your dream." Carl shook his head and I sighed, looking back down at my book._

 _"Yeah. Your mum wasn't in it though. Your dad was with someone else. A woman called Michonne. She was cool. Fought with a sword. Man, she wasn't someone you would want to get on the bad side of." I smiled slightly. Carl didn't reply for a moment._

 _"Who else was in your dream?"_

 _"What? No reaction to your dad being with someone else?"_

 _"Well, you said that Mum wasn't in it. Makes sense that she'd somehow died or something, so Dad being with someone else is understandable."_

 _"Yeah, I guess so. In the dream you and Rick never talked about your mum."_

 _"Well, if your mum had died, would you talk about her?"_

 _"I know I didn't in the dream." I shrugged and closed the book, keeping my hand in it as a bookmark._

 _"So who else we in the dream who you don't know?" Carl asked again. I thought for a moment._

 _"A guy called Daryl, someone called Maggie, someone called Glenn. Eugene. Kirsty. I'm sure there were more, I just can't think of them. Naturally, the people I killed and the walkers."_

 _"Were the Reeves in it?"_

 _"Ha, yeah. I am carefully not going to mention that to Trent and Macy though. I doubt that they'd be too happy about it, especially Trent. I don't think he'd like the idea of his ex breaking his nose." I smiled ruefully. It felt weird to think of him as my ex, I mean, in the dream I hated all those in the Reeves family, but in reality we'd gone out for a while. Weird how things were different._

 _"You broke his nose?"_

 _"Yep. With a shovel." I grinned._

 _"Remind me not to get on your bad side." Carl said, standing up and offering a hand down to me. I took it and let him help me to my feet, waiting while he picked up his comic books and then walking to the door._

 _"Hey, you're the one who was an amazing shot, even with only one eye. I think I know which one of us was more dangerous."_


	20. Conclusion

An arrow flew straight into the walker's head, making it collapse on the ground. Daryl lowered his crossbow as Rick ran forward to check Alex's pulse. He looked around at Daryl.

"She's alive." He said. Daryl nodded and stepped forward as Rick moved Alex around so she wasn't so close to the waters. They looked back the river, thinking their own thoughts.

"We need to get her back other Alexandria." Rick said. Daryl nodded, putting his crossbow on his back and picking Alex up. Rick just watched for a moment, not overly surprised that Daryl had done what he did. Since Alex had arrived with them, Daryl had grown rather fond of the girl, watched out for her. Seeing her like this probably made him feel worse than he would want to admit to anyone.

"Let's go." He said. Rick waited a moment, then stood up, drawing his gun in case of walkers. Alex had better wake up, and she was going to be in a bit of trouble when she did, purely for running off and not telling anyone where she was going. That's if she woke up. If she didn't then she'd be in trouble for dying. Either way, both Rick and Daryl would be completely unimpressed.

* * *

 _I sat on the couch, hugging my legs as I reclined. Eric was sitting on the floor in front of me and Dad was in his chair in front of the TV. In the background hung the soft sound of the dishwasher running. On the TV was the News, just the normal kind of pictures playing on the screen. A war here, a flood there, a couple of fires in Australia. Eric looked thoughtful._

 _"Why is it that there seem to be so many disasters?"_

 _"Because there are. There are more disasters going on that the News doesn't cover." Dad said._

 _"There are disasters in people's lives all the time. We just never hear about them because the News thinks there are more interesting things going on in people's lives." I said. Eric looked up and round at me, confused._

 _"But isn't the News for the people?" He asked. I shrugged._

 _"Yeah, but you'd be amazed at how little they actually tell us. They're like the fussiest flies you will ever meet. They will buzz to anything and then they will be fussy about what they show, what they tell."_

 _"Why?"_

 _"No clue. The government maybe? I don't even know if it's true, but there are conspiracy theories out there."_

 _"You and your conspiracy theories. You know, there is more to life than trying to bring down the government." Dad teased. I smiled._

 _"I know." The image on the screen changed to a river flooded near a small settlement. I frowned and moved off the couch to sit closer to the screen, not believing what I was seeing. I took no notice of the words, but I knew that river. It was in my dream. I had fallen in it when leading the walkers away._

 _"Alex? What's wrong?"_

 _"I don't know..." I frowned, touching the screen in my confusion._

"Get her on the bed."

 _I jumped back, confused._

 _"What the hell?" I muttered._

 _"Alex, get out of the way. I wanna see the TV."_

 _"You are not a natural kid, you know that?"_

 _"Just like his older sister. You watched the News from the age of five. He only started recently from what your mum has been telling me. And he's right, you are in the way." Dad shooed me out of the way, but I ignored him and reached out to touch the screen again. I left my hand hovering before it for a second, debating with myself if I did actually want to hear that voice again. Whose voice was that anyway? I touched the screen and heard nothing. Not a peep. I sighed and shook my head in relief. I wasn't going crazy._

"I'll watch her. You just look for Kirsty." _This time I stumbled backwards. That wasn't the same voice I had heard earlier. That was Carl. I would recognise his voice anywhere. I looked around, but he wasn't there. Why would he be? It was late, he was probably with his parents, sitting in front of their own TV._

 _"Alex! What the hell are you playing at?" Dad demanded. I looked at him, scared. What was going on? I scrambled to my feet and left the room, running my hand through my long hair, attempting to get a knot out when I found one._

 _Wait..._

 _Long hair? I didn't have long hair. I pulled it over my shoulder and looked at it as though it were some kind of alien, or snakes, instead of hair. I shook my head. What was I thinking? Short hair? Ha, I hated having short hair. Didn't I? I walked to the kitchen and pulled a pair of scissors out of the top drawer, looking at them with a thoughtful expression on my face. Why would I cut my hair? And yet it felt like the right thing to do, like I had in the past._

 _I had in my dream._

 _Or was this the dream?_

 _I froze, my blood running cold. I looked around at Eric, now sitting where I had been on the couch. In my dream he was dead. Why would I dream of him dying? I loved him more than anything else in the world. But it was a bad dream. A nightmare. These things happen in nightmares. The phone rang and I shook myself out of my doubts. Why would this world feel so real if it was just a dream? I placed the scissors back in the drawer and picked the phone up._

 _"Hello, Alexandra Jameson speaking." I said. There was silence on the other end. I frowned, then jump back. What the hell?! How come it felt like someone had just grabbed my hand? I shook it, trying to remove the creepy feeling, but it didn't work._

"Alex, I don't know if you can hear me, but you have to wake up." _A voice on the other end said. Carl's voice again. I slammed the phone back down. I didn't want to hear this. No. Whatever was going on, it was just a figment of my imagination._

 _But which part was the figment of my imagination?_

 _I looked back at the TV and shook my head. I was imagining things. I must be._

"If you don't wake up soon they'll be forced to kill you, for the safety of everyone else here. I know things are hard for you at the moment, you just lost your brother, you just killed your dad –"

 _"That was a dream. I don't know how the hell this is happening, or what the hell is happening, but that was just a dream. It wasn't real."_

"You're not the only one of us who has lost someone they care for, and you know it. You really think Eric would want you to give up?"

 _"Eric isn't dead. He is alive and he's right in front of me. He's watching the TV." I looked out the window, muttering quietly. It was raining. The rain ran down the windows, but it didn't feel like I was looking out of the flat, it felt like I was looking in on a group of people. There was a small group of them collected around the window, racing the raindrops. It was a scene from my dream, but it wasn't. In my dream it had been me sitting in there, it had been me racing the raindrops. The scene changed. It was me in a basement, holding Eric in my arms. There was blood on the floor and I was singing. I remembered that. I remembered it clearly. I shook my head._

 _"No. No! That never happened! It wasn't real!" I spun around, "See! Eric is right there!" I froze. Eric was gone. Dad was gone. It was just me. On my own. I shook my head and ran over to the couch, staring down at the empty seat, terror in my eyes. How the hell could they just have disappeared?_

"I know you're scared of it, scared of what will happen when you wake up, but you can't just give up. That's not you."

 _"You don't know me. You aren't real! This isn't happening!"_

 _But it was, I knew it was. This world I was in wasn't real, as much as I wanted it to be. I collapsed on the ground, hugging my knees, tears escaping onto my face and falling down around my knees. Everything was flooding back to me, the walkers, Alexandria, my dad... Eric. The river. I fell in it. I remembered the water, the current, how it didn't want to let me go, how its fingers kept grabbing me and dragging me under. I remembered the taste of it, the feel of the dirty water in my throat, the panic I felt, the difficulty I had breathing, the cold. I remembered dragging myself to the shore, I remembered collapsing, I remembered... I remembered waking up here. But I wasn't awake._

"You'll be fine. It'll get easier. It might not seem like it now, but it will."

 _I stood up and headed over to the TV, placing my hand on its flat surface._

 _"You better not be lying to me." I muttered as I knelt down again. I didn't want to leave. I was happy here. But I knew that there was no one here, not really. It was all in my head. Mum was gone, Eric was gone, Dad was gone, Josh was gone. Everyone was gone. I looked back at where Eric had been and shook my head._

 _"I'm sorry I wasn't the sister you deserved." I said. I got no reply. I hadn't expected to. Eric was dead._

 _There was nothing left for me here._

* * *

I gently squeezed Carl's hand and sat up slowly, pushing myself up with my other hand. Carl smiled at me, relief in his eye. I didn't say anything, didn't want to tell him that I heard everything he said. For some reason it felt like something that shouldn't be repeated. I didn't want his help, didn't want his pitty.

"Hey." He said. I nodded, tried to speak, but just ended up coughing instead. I felt like shit, like I had just been through hell and back. I shook my head when Carl went to hand me a bottle of water.

"I've had enough water for a while." I choked out. He shook his head.

"How can you joke about that?"

"I'm not joking. Right now I would kill for some juice." I sighed and let my head fall back against the wall. I closed my eyes and bit my bottom lip, not wanting to face reality. Right here, in this room, nothing had happened. I felt a tear slip down my cheek and felt a bottle being pressed into my hand. I looked at Carl, angrily wiping away the tear.

"I don't want a drink."

"But you need to if you want to regain your strength."

"I don't care about that right now." I said, shaking my head, but I opened the water and took a sip anyway. For a moment neither of us said anything, just sat there lost in our own thoughts.

"I had a dream while I was... well, unconscious." I said. Carl looked at me, not saying anything. I took another sip of water and flung my legs over the side of the bed, holding onto the edge and looking at Carl. I smiled sadly, but it left my face very quickly. I knew I was about to cry again and I hated myself for it. I was being weak.

"Eric was in it. So was my mum, even Dad was in it. None of this had ever happened. For me this was the dream, one messed up, horrible nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. I was happy. I had a normal life, friends, a family. A proper family. We lived in a nice house, I had everything I could want," I looked away, "I wanted it so badly. I wanted it to be real. I didn't want to wake up. You and Rick were in it. I think that was when I first started questioning whether it was real." I rubbed my eye, trying to get rid of the tears. I wanted all this to be over and done with. I wanted my brother back, I wanted this world to just disappear, to only be a dream. Hell, I would rather have been in a coma, dying back in the world I believed to be fake. I'd rather be dead, and Eric alive, than be stuck in this world where the dead walked, where everything I cared for was dead.

Well, almost everything.

"Your mum. What was her name?" I quietly whispered.

"Lori. Why?"

"She was in my dream too. I don't even know why, or if she actually looked like your mum did in reality, but she was there," I looked at him and shook my head, "Why'd this happen? Why the hell did any of this happen?" I got off the bed and walked over to the other side of the room, wanting to punch something. Carl just watched me. I supposed he didn't really know what to say. How could he? Sure, this was probably a dirt common scenario, but what are you supposed to say when someone dies? I sat down with my back to the wall, finally just letting the tears out.

"I just want him back. I want him back. It should have been me." Carl got up and moved over to me, sitting down next to me and giving me a hug. I leaned against him, not wanting to do anything except curl up and cry. I'd killed my own brother.

There was no escaping that.

* * *

"Hey." I said, pretty much waltzing into the church. I had been awake for a little while now, and all I wanted to do was talk with the priest dude. Kirsty had never been found, so none of us were too certain about how healthy I was, the only thing we were going off was me being awake and able to move around. The priest smiled when he saw me.

"It's good to see you awake." He said. Man, he really did remind me of when I was a kid. He talked way too formally. I smiled.

"Yeah, well, evidently I have unfinished business," I looked down at my hands briefly, then back to him, "Remember how I was asking about God and why people still believed in him, and if he could forgive me for killing those people? You said that he could. That God was good." The priest nodded and I looked around the church thoughtfully. There were things that needed saying, decisions that had been reached, things that I had learned. I sighed and looked at him.

"You believe that God is good, that he can forgive everything, that he still loves his children and would do all he could to save him. That's fine. That's your choice. But I ask you this. If God really was good, if He loved us, why did this ever happen? Why is it that He has not saved us? Why is that every day another person gets turned into one of those things? God doesn't love us. He doesn't care. God is just another up himself git who needs a good talking to. If He cared He wouldn't have taken someone from each and every person here. None of us would have lost someone we cared about to those walkers, to any other person out there. You still want to believe in that, it's fine. I just thought that I'd give you something to think about." I turned and left the church, not wanting to spend another moment in that place. I was done with worshipping a God that couldn't care less what happened to us.

All that mattered was surviving now. And nothing was going to stand in my way.

* * *

 **Author's Note: OK, guys! That's the main story done, hope you liked it. At some point I will post a little extra to tie the ends off a bit neater, it won't be very long but it does end up explaining things a big better. I'd love to know what you think and thanks for reading. It's been great writing for you. :)**


	21. Epilogue

**_Kirsty had been working for my dad. That was the only reason she had ever come here. Daryl was probably crushed by that news, that's probably why he isn't here. He's probably out working on that bike of his. We had been infiltrated and he had fallen for one of those who had infiltrated our midst. The other infiltrators were the Reeves, but they seem to be changing. They were actually nice to me for one thing, gave me a heart attack when they actually shared their condolences with me about my brother, which in turn I apologized about breaking Trent's nose. Twice. I carefully didn't mention that in my dream world Trent had been my ex and that I got the impression that Macy had been my best friend. I moved out of the house I had lived in with Eric. Despite the short amount of time I had lived there with him, it still held too many memories. The photo I had given him of our family had been on him when I killed him and was covered in his blood, so I let it be buried with him. I've had enough of reminders from the past. I mean, it isn't like I can ever return to it. Besides, I have a good memory and I am pretty good at drawing. Perhaps I'll improve my skill and draw a portrait of him from memory? Draw a family portrait of how things would be today if everyone was still alive. If the world had not been so cruel. As for where I have moved to, well, it's nice to know that the Grimes family is willing to have me, pretty much adopt me as one of their own. Perhaps I should stop calling Rick Grimesy, you know, to show my appreciation._**

 ** _I asked Carl if the pain ever goes away, if I'll ever stop feeling so broken and beat up about Eric. He said that the pain will always be there, but it gets easier. You just get used to it. Sure, I might be putting things into my own words slightly there, but he said something to that extent. I hope that he's right. I don't want to spend the rest of my life regretting my decision to kill my own brother. I'll never look at that lullaby the same, now. For me it is apparently my murderer's song. Or insane song, as Rick keeps teasing me about. It wasn't exactly my fault that I went a little loopy. Maybe I should tell Daryl to sing it? It might help him feel better about Kirsty. Still hard to believe that the whole time she was working for Jedidiah. She was one person who I thought could never sink that low. But maybe her family wasn't dead after all? Maybe she's out there with them right now? It's a nicer thought than she's dead. I need to thank Daryl and Rick for looking for me. I know how Daryl will react. He'll tell me off for not telling anyone where I was going, for being so damn reckless, so stupid. Probably swearing a lot more than that though. But I don't really care. He won't kill me. Why waste the energy saving me if you're just going to kill me anyway?_**

I looked up from my diary, thinking. The words were weird to be writing. I wasn't used to holding a pen anymore. Once upon a time I was good at telling stories, my handwriting was the best in the class. Now? Not so much. Who needs to be good at writing when there are undead freaks groaning outside the walls, wanting to get in and eat your brains? I smirked. There were some things that Daryl might finally approve of about me. For one thing I wasn't so polite and shy in my manner of speaking. Sure, I still talked a bit posh on occasion. But quite frankly, the girl I used to be...

She can go to hell. I'll beat her there.

In a hand basket.


End file.
